SAFE MODE

Confessions of an Uber Driver

UBER RIDE

I ubered two girls from Encinitas to Pacific Beach. Somewhere in La Jolla they got a call that someone kissed their friends boyfriend. This turned into an Uber home into an “aw hell no, let’s go kick this girls ass”.

As we turn onto Garnet ave they tell me to speed up because they need to go beat up this girl. I can’t speed up on this road. Garnet ave is like the video game Paperboy but instead of b-boy’s break dancing and crazy cat ladies jumping in the road…actually its like the video game Paperboy. I make a vrrrmmm sound with my mouth and hope that appeases them while I try and find a better song on the radio than the current hip hop that I had playing.

I land on Katy Perry in hopes this would lighten their mood. Meanwhile, the girls coordinate who will hit who 1st because lil Mackie already has a rep of being crazy so her counter part Amy was gonna hit 1st and Mackie could then jump in later.

We get to the destination and they jump out of the car and run up to the house. I turn my uber back on to pick up the next customer but kinda want to just sit and watch the fight.

I instantly get a new rider and I notice my next pick up is at the same house I just unleashed a drunken cat fight to. I also noticed the name is same of the girl they are going to fight. I call her to tell her I am outside….I think maybe I should tell her she should sneak out the back or give her some sort of warning of the crazy that is coming to her. After one ring, I got a “hold on, I’ll be right out”. In true horror movie fashion I say “Rachel, get out of the house! There are girls coming to beat you up!”.

From what I heard, Rachel kissed Dan and Dan has a girlfriend. That girlfriend happens to have some very angry friends that premeditate their fights. Lucky for me this all spills outside in plain view. Dan tries to mediate and the yelling and pushing starts. Rachel tells them she needs to cancel her uber 1st and somehow that is an acceptable reason to stop the fight with everyone. Rachel comes out to tell me she is going to have to cancel the uber as she has some business to attend to. I give her a nod and this time just shut my uber off so I can watch this fight.

I am so invested in this, I can’t leave now. I kill my lights, pull out a snack and turn down Katy Perry’s Firework for optimal concentration. I now see this was a bad idea for me to play Katy Perry.

Before I could even finish my lunchable, this fight moved out of my view and I no longer had box seats to PB at its finest. The only punch thrown was landed on the left jaw of Dan by one of the girls. I couldn’t tell you if it was lil Mackie or Amy but if they stayed with the game plan it was Amy that left his jaw hurting. Dan storms off with his buddy and the girls move to a hidden spot where my borderline creepy, lunchable eating self could no longer see.

I put my snack away, start up my uber again and drive away to my next fare. I sync up with Dan walking with his friend, keeping my windows down to catch what his thoughts were on what just happened. As I sped up, I was kinda sad to see them go as I feel like I had grown quite fond of Dan, Amy, Rachel and lil Mackie. Deep down, I knew this would eventually end.

As I drove away I got a ping that my pick up had cancelled. I restarted my availability and sure enough who is my next fare? I’ll give you a hint, he just got punched in the face. I pick up the 2 gentlemen still reeling from the nights events. “it was just a kiss on the cheek,” he exclaimed as they got in my car. We took off and I got the inside scoop of this amazing event from another perspective.

I now know how Harry Potter felt with his invisibility cloak, how Frodo felt with his ring, I was the uber driver sitting in the dark, eating a lunchable while watching a ratchet beat down. I feel like I started the night as an uber driver but after it was over, I felt it was something more than that. Safe to say next time I head to Pb for uber, I will be bringing snacks.