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Get on your Bikes and Ride!

Messing with Telemarketers Presents:

Get on your bikes and ride-
ME: Hello?
THEM: Hello, sir! How are you doing today?
ME: I am on the verge of a scientific breakthrough and you are interrupting valuable research time. What can I do for you?
THEM: Yes. Yes, sir… This is Susan with the U.S. Government Grants Department.
ME: Oh! I see how it is. You tell McVickers that I have until the end of the month to deliver the first draft of the proof. These tactics won’t make me go any faster!
THEM: Sir, I am calling because you have been selected for a government grant in the amount of $9,600. Now you must be wondering why you have been selected to receive this grant, am I right?
ME: Because I am an expert in celestial mechanics and I am on the verge of completing a proof that the trans-positional redistribution and alignment of certain persons on Earth could change the rotation of the Earth in such a way that global warming could be completely eliminated!
THEM: What?
ME: It’s a practical application of the Freddy Mercury theory on the realization that large derriered females affect planetary spin…
THEM: I do not understand, sir.
ME: Look, Queen was right… Fat Bottomed Girls do make the world go round, and I am working to move certain subjects into specific locations to stop global warming! I understand this is unpopular in some areas that think I am putting fat chicks in camps, but it really is for the greater good.