This one's about my ex-girlfriend. She had a fairly large scar on her back and was incredibly self-conscious about it. She wouldn't even take her shirt off the first time we had sex. When I asked her about it, she said that she had fallen from her horse when she was younger.
Fast forward a little bit. I'm out finding her a birthday present with some help from one of her friends. I pick out a sexy singlet, but her friend just looks at me like I'm stupid. Apparently, the scar on her back (which the singlet clearly revealed) wasn't from a fall, but an abusive ex-boyfriend who had pushed her onto his motorbike's exhaust pipe and burnt her.
We ended on good terms, and I never told her that I knew. I hope she is doing well.
She smokes when I'm not home. I know this because I always move the router to the window where the signal is best. When I come home the router is in a different position away from the window. I put it back without her knowing and call her out for smoking. She has no idea how I keep finding out!
7. Pretend People
My ex made up a person and spoke to me as them. We met when we were quite young, and we were both pretty strange. I put it down to insecurity and wanting to look like she had cool friends (I was a little older). I never let on that I knew because it would have been super embarrassing for her, and this was literally at the start of the relationship.
She made up quite a few stories about this guy, and I got a few emails from "him". She didn't realize that changing the name of the account didn't actually change the address, which was fully visible.
Everybody likes snacks, right? Some of us like chips, others like fruit, or yogurt. Well, my wife likes croutons. Frozen croutons to be exact, and she tries to hide it like an alcoholic hides bottles of vodka. Where does she hide the croutons? In the freezer. At first, I would put them in the pantry (when we would get home from the grocery store), but they'd always end up in the freezer. I'd be like, "Uh, hun, what's up with the croutons in the freezer?" and she would act like she had no idea what I was talking about. Now, here's the thing- I've tried them, and now I'm addicted to them too! So now, I openly eat cold croutons out of the freezer as a snack, and she tells me how odd I am while she eats half the bag with me. No idea why she's embarrassed to admit what a genius she is for discovering such an awesome snack. By the way, the best kind is Chatham Village garlic and cheese flavor.