You know those little moments in life where decorum goes by the wayside? When you accidentally say what you're thinking instead of what's right? Yeah, me neither. I never do that.
This piece is based on a Quora question. Link on the last page.
1. Whine and dine.
I used to work in a restaurant. One night, four women came in. We let people bring their own wine and they had done so. When I poured a glass for one of them, she took a sip, swallowed it in disgust and said, "This stuff is heinous. You should give it to the staff."
Without thinking, I said, "Maybe the people who work hard for minimum age cooking your food don’t want to drink your ‘heinous’ wine. Did you consider that?" I just left them in silence, and the next time I came back to their table, they were effusively polite, like they were trying to make up for it.
2. I prefer Old Hampshire.
This was the night I met my first mother-in-law to be. I put my hand out, she put hers in her pockets and said, "So. You're from New Hampshire. Nobody who matters is from New Hampshire." Then she turned on her heel and walked out. She did not say a word to me the rest of the weekend, and we were staying with her.
Linda J. McPhee
3. My desk is in the gutter.
I had an annoying co-worker who unfortunately sat next to me. He viewed me as a threat to his career because he assumed I was vying for the same job he was (I wasn't, but lunkhead wouldn't accept that). Thankfully, he did eventually move on to another job in another company. (Hooray!)
He would spend some of his time criticizing the way I worked. I had ADD and what works for me is to spread my work out across my desk so that what I need is always in front of me. I also adorn my walls with funny things, pictures, etc. whereas Lunkhead was always showing off his spotless desk.
One afternoon, as a dig at me, he walked past and made a "tsk tsk" noise and then quipped "Cluttered desk, cluttered mind." I didn't bother looking up, I simply replied "And your desk is empty."
He made a disgusted noise and walked away.
4. Eyes on the prize.
I used to have a lazy eye. My left eye was pointing inwards. It made me insecure. I would sometimes joke about it, but mostly I hated myself for it. I always made sure to talk to people from certain angles, so as to keep them from noticing.
Of course they noticed anyway. Everyone knew. Most people just didn’t comment on my lazy eye. Most people were decent enough to be polite. Most people. (continued...)