There is nothing worse than a stupid driver messing with the day. We all daydream about how to get revenge against the road ragers, the bad parkers, and the idiotic drivers.
That's why these stories are so wonderful. It's people getting wonderfully petty revenge against people just being rude. Park poorly? Get served! Cut someone off? Meet the police! It's amazing! Give me the finger and expect to regret that! keep in mind these stories were edited for clarity.
"I have a friend whose pumpkin\Halloween display at the end of his driveway would be run over by the neighborhood bully all the time. It happened every year.
My friend finally decided to put a stop to it.
He withdrew money from his savings account (we're still in high school) so he would have enough to buy the largest pumpkin he could find. He went overboard to ensure the marauder would be very excited to see this peak of pumpkin-ness. We are talking about county-fair, blue ribbon-winning, 10,000-pies-sized pumpkin.
He also bought several large bags of Quikcrete. He filled that puppy up and made a really pretty display.
The SOB broke the axle of his car when he hit that pumpkin and could not drive away. My friend had the car towed away, too."
"My friend in high school was such a drama queen but it worked out hilariously sometimes.
He was cut off by a driver who had no brake lights and it ticked him off so badly that he followed until a cop was behind him. He merged around the guy and then brake checked him so the cop would see that he had no brake lights.
The holler he let out when the cop pulled the other guy over is still one of the funniest moments of my life."
"When I rented, the parking lot was assigned parking. My wife and I both had cars so I had to pay extra for the extra spot. First one was complimentary.
We come home around 1 am and some idiot is parked in my spot. Not having it, and not wanting to deal with an overnight parking ban on the street, I park behind him perpendicularly to block him in my spot. The spot next to mine was my landlords, who was the most chill guy I've ever rented from. I shot him a text explaining what I had done and to call me if he needed out before me in the morning. He laughed and said all was good.
After about an hour of watching tv, I go out for a smoke. I notice this guy's car is running. I watch him frantically at 2 am looking around for who's car is in the way. He sees me and starts complaining about it, not knowing it's mine. He says he just wants to go home and doesn't understand why some people gotta be so rude. I tell him maybe the owner of the car was mad because you were in his spot. I told him some people pay extra monthly for another spot. He gives up and goes back into his buddy's unit. I go inside and go to bed.
I go out in the morning to go out for a bit and the guy is sitting on his buddy's doorstep. I wave and get in my car and leave. Made that SOB sit trapped all night till 9 am.
The look on his face as I entered my car was priceless."
"I had someone park in my assigned covered space at midnight on a Saturday. This has happened more than once.
One time, I called management to have them towed. Management tells me they don't tow anymore because they would have to pay because it was private property so, 'tough luck.'
I parked behind them and blocked them in. There was a block wall in front. I left the neighbors each a note on their door letting them know if they needed to leave, knock on my door.
At 10 am, frantic pounding on my door, me in pajamas, some girl hysterical that she had to go to work and was going to lose her job. I asked her if she knew it was reserved parking, she said yes, it was midnight and there were no other parking spaces and she didn't want to street park and walk because it wasn't safe. I asked her why she was ok with making me park on the street and walk after midnight?
She told me she was going to have me towed. I laughed and went back to bed.
Management calls to tell me I am blocking someone in and if I don't move, they will have me towed. I relate conversation from the middle of the night, the 'tough luck' part, and tell them if they tow me instead of the violator in my spot, I am going to sue them for failing to enforce the rules, endangering my safety because the reason I parked that way was because it was after midnight and 'everyone knows it is not safe to park on the street and walk.'
I offer to wait for the tow truck then move so they can tow the 'parking violator.'
Management tells girl 'tough luck.'
She is back pounding on my door and screaming. People are now calling management about the lunatic 'trying to break into someone's apartment.'
The guy she banged the night before shows up to my door. The girl is at the bottom of the stairs crying so hard she has the hiccups. The guy apologizes profusely, said he didn't know she parked in my spot. He apologized again and offered me money for my trouble.
I told him that wasn't necessary, I was just waiting for the girl to apologize. He nodded, went downstairs, yelled at her and pointed up to me. She came upstairs and apologized and I moved my car."
"Years ago, I lived on a street that had another street branch off of it, two doors down from my house. At the end of the other street were a group of younger dealers that rode scooters to do their business around town (I knew this because one of my friends bought from them on a regular basis).
All hours of the day and night these stupid scooters buzzed up and down the street. A couple of them didn't have mufflers, so they were LOUD. I called the cops, but they were useless. I came up with the bright idea of spreading cinderblock grit (the material cinderblocks were made of) in the corner where the streets intersected.
This material was gray, and it was like little ball bearings when spread on the pavement. I got a bucket of the grit and proceeded to spread it all over the corner. About that time, I heard the buzz of a scooter coming down the street. I literally had to jump over a fence into some bushes to avoid being seen.
Scooter/dealer dude hit the corner and the scooter FLEW out from under him. Sounded like a car crash. No injuries, and just a broken mirror on the scooter. The whole bunch of them moved 3 days later and it started raining about a day later and most of it washed away.
Looking back on it, someone could have been injured, but they were dealers and they were a huge neighborhood nuisance.
I took care of the problem."
"There's a new truck in my apartment's parking lot. It is always taking up multiple spots, ALWAYS. Weird angles, close to the stairs, all over the place (no assigned parking, unfortunately). We endured months of this.
I drive a much smaller car, and I'm petty/passive-aggressive, so I've been waiting for my chance. I got my shot a few days ago.
I got home quite late and there were zero spots open in my lot. The big truck is double-parked again, but there's just enough room on their driver side for me to sneak in there with my little clown car. I carefully pull in, making sure not to touch anything, no damage, no nothing. My passenger side mirror is half an inch from the truck's driver side door. My car's already a bit dinged up, so I wasn't too concerned about the truck owner doing any damage to my car. I giggled to myself all the way back to my apartment and set an alarm and waited.
The following morning I wake up before the alarm to loud door slamming and stomping around. I check out my window and I see the double parking culprit walking around both vehicles, taking pictures, texting someone, taking more pictures, I'm shaking with glee. He then swallows his pride, let out a visual sigh, and climbs in the passenger side, clambered over the center console, and does a 20-point turn out of the spot.
Haven't seen the truck in a couple of days, thinking they might be street parking it from here on out. I've never been so proud of myself and my petty, passive-aggressive ways."
"The elementary school that my kids attended had serious parking issues. There were very few available parking spots so the school decided they would put two front row spots up for auction. The winner would have a reserved parking spot for the entire school year. I won a spot and the school even put up a 'RESERVED for (me)' sign.
One day, I arrived to pick up my kids and someone was parked in MY spot. He was sitting in their car so I got out of mine and knocked on their window and told him that he was parked in my reserved spot and could they please move. He refused. So I blocked him in and went to get my kids and we took our sweet time gathering coats and lunchboxes and of course I needed to discuss things with their teachers and the whole time, I could see the SOB in my spot getting angrier and angrier but there was nothing he could do and no way for him to exit the parking spot.
Other parents kept going up to them to tell them they were parked in someone's reserved spot and just about every kid who went by yelled, 'That's not your parking spot!' and now the parking offender was the center of a lot of unwanted attention which made him pretty angry and he got out and complained to the principal who instead read him the riot act.
I still kept him trapped for about another 15 minutes as I wasn't in a hurry to be anywhere and there wasn't anything he could do about it."
"When I was about ten years old I lived in the depths of North Saint Paul MN. We used to ride our bikes with friends all over the place.
One day we were peddling down this back alley behind all the main street businesses. Generally, there was zero traffic on a road like this but that day this huge brand new extended cab pickup comes flying out of nowhere barreling down on us and honking. The guy is yelling swears out the window and everything as we peddle out of the way onto the sides. He stomps the gas and speeds off and not a block later pulls into the back of a building's lot.
We eventually peddle our way up there and see his truck parked by a loading dock with no one in sight. Collectively we all hated the person for how he treated us and our brain gears were spinning on the possibilities of revenge. At that moment one of the tag-a-longs of our group announces that he has to take a really bad dump. Light bulbs go off above all of our heads except his.
There is a dumpster nearby and a newspaper on the ground next to it. With very little convincing needed, he does the deed neatly on the paper. A massive 9-inch log that would have been impressive outright if not for the horrible stench with visible stink lines hovering around it. The group of us talk him into the next phase of the plan, with all of us as lookouts to ensure his absolute safety despite everyone on their bikes ready to book it at the drop of the turd itself. He climbs on the hood of the pickup truck with one hand holding the newspaper and the other slowly pawing forward for grip until he reached the windshield. Then, on two knees, and double handing the underside of the newspaper he splats it on the windshield and swipes in a big arc across.
It was as if the truck had a single wiper for the entire windshield and left a perfect 9-inch wave from one side to the other. The turd itself was only half used up in the process and sat angrily on the other side from where he started. At that moment someone yells RUN! and we all scramble out of the back lot and down the road. Peddling on back trails near the freeway frontage roads and the like, we left no trace for us to be found. An hour later we doubled back following these trails and enjoying the little jumps and tree roots as amateur biker kids do and came across another group of kids on bikes.
Man, did they have a story to tell about a huge, angry, red-faced man driving all over the neighborhood looking for a group of kids on bikes. It's been about 30 years and I still laugh at the memory, but I also hold the lesson close to heart about not treating kids poorly for no reason. They will get ya back if they can."
"I was driving home from work and about a block away from house, I see a family getting out of their minivan. The mom, exasperated from I expect was the usual day-to-day, plunges foot to the ground as the two boys explode from the sliding doors. One of the boys (I assume around 10), catches my eye and instantly flips me the bird. The moment felt like it was in slow motion. His finger raised as his chin stuck forward, half scowl/half grin from ear-to-ear. I slam on the breaks and reverse back along beside the house. I explode out of my car.
The young man is now a school uniform-clad statue. I'm now at a brisk stride when the mother greets me. I respond, 'Hi, I live up the road. Listen, I don't mean for this to sound weird or abrupt or whatever, but your son just stuck his finger up at me.' The mother breathes his name through gritted teeth and demands he apologizes. He does. I say, 'All good mate, just be careful who you do that too, it's not nice bud.' She apologizes on his behalf a thousand times before grabbing him by his school bag and dragging his little pipsqueak's body inside.
As I drive away he leans back over his shoulder and catches my gaze. I roll down the window and look him dead in the eye and flip him off with a sense of satisfaction unrivaled by any meal, thrill, or anything in my entire life. I'm a primary school teacher, so this was a win for me."
"When living in New York, my husband left for deployment right as winter started. I'm from Arizona, so snow was a new thing for me. Our neighbors were this horrible couple who thought the world owed them. The husband was an officer and they were both young, this is the norm in a military town.
One evening I come home from work to see about 3 inches of snow covering our parking lot and a handful of my neighbors are out shoveling. I get out and join them. They did a lot more work than I did but I did get my 2 reserved spots cleared. I moved my car in and went inside.
The next morning, when I leave for work, I notice the neighbors are parked off to the side as they couldn't get into their spot without shoveling. When I get home from work, I go to pull into my spot but it's covered in snow, like 6 inches of snow (it hadn't snowed that day). Then I see the neighbors are parked in their perfect and clean spot. That's when I realized they just shoveled the snow from their spot into mine instead of piling it to the side like normal people.
So I pulled off to the side and waited. They left at 2 am for a party. I went out and re-shoveled the snow from my spot into theirs and then our other neighbor's snow into their spot as well, packed it down a little too. My other neighbor comes home around this time, sees what I've done and laughs and gives me a high five. He said they do this every time it snows.
I went inside, warmed up and went to bed. I was awoken at about 5 am to ticked-off screaming outside. I fell back asleep and woke up at 9 to even angrier screams because apparently, we had some heat wave between 2 and 9 that started to melt the snow and then another freeze that refroze it. So now they were dealing with ice.
They never messed with my spot again."
"I received a parking notice on my vehicle telling me my car was abandoned and will be towed to a city compound for not being moved. My car was parked in one spot legally, is registered and insured, and was only there for 2 days. This was on a residential street in front of my condo.
When I noticed the slip on my window and went to investigate what it was, I noticed another person two condos over leering at me with a sense of accomplishment.
I called the city information line and explained the situation. They retorted with 'anyone can legally call on any car and without the real knowledge if the car moves daily or not get a notice placed within the day. The city is just doing their job.' I was frustrated but then asked the person if that was the case and without any investigation, l could theoretically call every vehicle on the street for abandonment and they would have to then just 'do their job.'
They replied with, 'seems like more trouble then it seems but sure,' not realizing that my pettiness knows no bounds.
I did just that.
I took photos of everyone's license plate parked on the street, entered each vehicle into my city's online site and within two hours a city vehicle had shown up to unleash my devious plan.
While taking the picture of one of the cars, the person leering at me before came out his door and asked, 'Why are you photographing my car? This is a private neighborhood!' Whatever he was trying to say was obviously blinded by rage, and I just proceeded to give a devilish smile and walked into my unit.
My city worker hero called me, as you must provide loose info before entering vehicle complaints and I answered and explained what had all unfolded throughout the day, not leaving any parts out or any lack of info on what my part in all this was. He laughed, amused at what I had devised, and replied with 'This is the easiest last two hours of my night, thank you for this.'
I laughed said no problem and went to sleep with every vehicle with a parking complaint."
"I was a fulltime locksmith. Late on a St. Patrick's Day, I had to drive to St. Louis' Laclede's Landing, a nightlife district, to open a vehicle.
There were very few places to park. I pulled into a street that had been blocked off, grabbed tools and walked the two blocks to the car to open it. When I was finished, I returned to my van to find a person had parked their sports car directly behind me, blocking me in. I was trapped, potentially for the evening.
While trying to decide what to do, I discovered that the barricades trapping me were able to be retracted into the cobblestones just by twisting them properly and pushing down. Once I knew I could escape, I did something kind of awful, and I hope if you are out there you prick, I hope it sucked for you. I reversed the guy's license plates so that the colored, lettered side that is legible was facing inward. I twisted them back down tightly and did this to both the front and rear facing plates. I hope they were wasted and a cop saw them.
That was more than ten years ago and I still think about that rude SOB blocking me in."
"This one was truly petty. My dad was driving and we came upon a construction truck driving the other way with a crew in back placing cones in the center of the road as they slowly drove, just preparing for some work. My dad slowed down and offered some criticism of how they're putting the cones down. I don't even remember what, maybe the cones were a bit far into our lane or something. The construction guy wasn't having it and the conversation got a bit heated, dude gives Dad a 'eff you.'
'Eff me? No, eff you,' responded the construction worker
That was enough for more dad. He proceeded to run over cones for an entire mile.
Now I would have thought that they would have just gotten a little flattened but the tire was actually throwing them behind the vehicle and frequently a lot to the left or right. Some were thrown completely off the road, all of them were just all over the place.
He was a narcissist. This isn't even remotely the worst or most petty thing he did, it's just one I was there for."
"My uncle was childish and mean when I was a kid. He particularly disliked my cousins and would make fun of them, one time actually holding one down while punching him saying how fat and worthless he was. I hated him for it.
Well, one time, my uncle took my cousin, Billy, and I to a state park to look at dinosaur tracks. I was ten and Billy was eleven. On the way home, my uncle had a flat. Billy, being genuinely concerned asked me if he should get out and help. I told him he could offer. After a minute, Billy got back in with a red face and tears welling up in his eyes. He wouldn't tell me what my uncle had said until we got back to my grandma's house. It was just more 'you're worthless' kind of thing. I was so angry!
I went out in the shed and got eight nails and leaned them against the front and back of each tire on my uncle's car so that no matter which way he rolled, he was getting nailed. I was standing in the hallway about two months later and heard my uncle tell my grandma he had slow leaks in all four of his tires. He said he finally got tired of airing them up every day and took his car down to the shop and 'I'll be darned if there wasn't a bent nail in each tire!'
I felt such a huge sense of justice just wash over me."