As much as we like to mock kids named after the latest trends or even after the latest TV show craze, the real blame lies with the parents. After all, we can’t change our names until we’re 18 so until then we’re stuck with Pilot Inspektor or whatever else is thrown our way.
People on Reddit with ridiculous names were asked: “What’s your parents’ excuse?” These are some of the best answers.
I used to work tech support with a guy whose name was Gandalf.
In the 70s (when he was born) Tolkien wasn’t even a nerd thing, it was a hippie thing. His parents were big hippies, and loved the books. So they named him Gandalf (his sister’s middle name is Galadriel).
He said at first, people rarely recognized the name. It was a weird name, sure, but few people knew he was named after a fictional wizard.
Until the movies came out. He HATED Peter Jackson.
A friend’s middle name is Baldrick – his parents thought it would be funny after watching too much Blackadder.
Twelve years ago we had twin boys. We knew one would be Thomas after my wife’s uncle. but struggled to name the second. For about 28 hours he was Baby B. Then we finally settled on Jeremiah. Two days later we introduced them to our pastor and he said “Oh cute Tom and Jerry” I looked at my wife and we were both thinking “Oh we did not just do that.” But we left it.
I have an OK name, but I have an aunt who’s name is “Baby”. The reason? When she was born, her dad was away on business, so he left it to her older brother to name her. Poor kid panicked and wrote “Baby” on the form.
My name is not all that ridiculous (Alson), but the reasoning behind it is just downright silly.
I’m the youngest of three boys; So not long after I was born and having to think of a name, my extremely creative dad was like,
“Hmmm!!! I have ALL SONS…”
… Thanks for the lifetime of “Allison”? misconceptions, Dad!
I have a traditional name, but I almost got named Sambuca because my dad was hammered when he was filling out the birth certificate. They showed it to my mom, she asked for a new one, and my dad proceeded to name me Jack Daniels (and then my last name). They checked it again, and asked my mom is that really what they wanted to name me. She asked for a new one and named me Daniel.
I was born in New York City and my recently immigrated Chinese parents decided to call me Newson. I wondered why and my father told me it was because I was born in New York and I was their son so they called me New Son. So to this day my ID says New Son but in school my name is Newson. Teachers always call me Oldson because I got older. My parents’ excuse is because it is unique. To this day, I still wonder.
I knew a guy in France called Napoleon.
The actual historical figure is such an important figure that no one calls their children with that name. It’s now reserved for the historical figure. But apparently this kid’s parents didn’t think so.
My brother is called Bryan, which is very uncommon for a german speaking country. He’s called like that because I used to play Tekken a lot when my mom was pregnant with him and the only character i could really play with was Bryan Fury. I was joking with my dad about calling him Bryan because that would be the only reason I would play with him. My dad thought this is was awesome…
I went to high school with a girl whose parents defended her name whenever questions of it came up.
She didn’t mind the name either though.
She was April May June, but we called her Spring.
Mine’s a unique family name that my mother inexplicably decided to make my first name. Think of it this way:
Your mother’s maiden name was Anna McDonald. She married Ron Johnson. She took his name so she is now Anna Johnson. They have you, but for some reason she thinks she needs to honor/recognize her original last name. So you are named McDonald Johnson.
So I have the opposite problem of Michael Scott. I have two last names instead of two first names. Maybe not ridiculous, but it defies logic to me. I have still never been given a satisfactory reason why this was done. I know my mother insisted on it and my father gave in.
My name is Baldeep. I’m Indian, Punjabi to be specific. It’s pronounced with the ‘a’ being silent, but you can just imagine the endless possibilities of nicknames.
My ‘rents named me Andrew but it was recorded as Adnrew. Apparently my mother noticed soon after but didn’t actually care. She then lost my birth certificate so I never knew; found out when I got it replaced trying to get my license. I had to file court papers and everything to get it changed, and she thought the whole thing was hilarious.
My youngest daughter’s name is Heaven. Until the day she was born, I tried to talk my wife out of naming her that because I know life is going to suck for her from the ages of 16-? because I know how boys/men will approach her because of her name. “I can’t wait to get my little piece of Heaven,” etc.
That all went away the first moment I held her in my arms, but she’s still only 7, so those cringeworthy moments are yet to come.
My parents named me Pony Holy. Pony.Holy.
Do you KNOW how screwed up my childhood was?! REALLY screwed.
Their rationale was: “Oh, you were born in the year of the horse, and we wanted you to be a horse of faith and Catholicism.”
Guess what mum and dad; Ponies are NOT baby horses. And I’ve had many sex and I’m not even married!!
And yes I have changed my name.
A friend of mine was an immigrant. His dad wanted him to have an American name, so he named him after his dentist. So his name is Horowitz. I guess the dad didn’t realize that wasn’t the dentist’s first name since that’s what he always called him.
My sister-in-law encountered a patient and her name was Diarrhea, they pronounced it, Da-rare- E-ah, but was spelled like Diarrhea… Poor girl.
A kid in my son’s kindergarten class was named Thor, saw it on the list and expected awesomeness. He showed up the first day rocking a mow hawk with his biker dad full leather vest and all walking him into class… That kid was great.
My actual first name is Jif. People think I’m from New Zealand and I’m saying “Jeff”. Thanks Mom and Dad.
A friend of mine recently entered a pageant where one of the contestant’s names is Crystal Veth. I will never not find that hilarious.
My friend and her brother are from Taiwan. When they moved to Australia when they were young, their father chose western sounding names for them. My friend ended up with a relatively normal, if old fashioned name, but he got her brother’s name from a thesaurus. His name is Roget.
My ex-wife’s brother named his daughter Khaleesi…
For my son I wanted something simple, strong and easy to remember. Robert Smith. Straight to the point.
When the nurse, or whoever she was, came to my bed in the hospital to record the name that’s what I told her. She asked what the middle name was, I told her, “No middle name.”
A couple of weeks later when the record of birth arrived it read: “Robert No-Middle-Name Smith.”
My cousin was pregnant, and kept track of how big her unborn was. At one point, it was the size of a pea. Somehow, the name stuck, and now she has a daughter named Pea.
When I was a teenager I found our old home movies. My dad was filming most of them and it was adorable to see him talking to an infant and, in later ones, toddler me. He’s constantly said things like, “Lisa! Baby! What are you doing?!” and I’d respond. My name isn’t Lisa. My name is Felicia. Very, very different from Lisa.
That’s how I found out my mother stubbornly chose my name without my father’s approval. He hated it and, in turn, stubbornly chose a new name which he stuck to for years. I guess it grew on him in time though since I don’t remember ever being called Lisa…
My mother’s doctor told us that he was once in a hotel elevator going down to the lobby. It stopped on the floor below him and a woman in labor got in. She was Hispanic and didn’t speak much English. Anyway so it was a crazy coincidence that he was there, and pretty damn lucky too since the little sucker was coming out super quick. She was so dilated that the doctor gave her the okay to just start pushing in the elevator. Soon enough she had the baby, and the doctor explained to the woman everything that she was seeing; baby, umbilical cord, placenta…the woman stopped him there. She loved the word placenta so much that she decided to give the name to her baby girl. The doctor tried to explain that it probably wasn’t the best idea, but she didn’t care.
My friend’s parents met during the 60s, and they were/are hippies. And they have practiced a lot of different religions. When my friend was born, they decided to give him 14 middle names: Dorsey Abdul Jalil Francis Brian Albert Barney Willie Kawolski Jeffery Faith Love Star Breeze. He has a common first and last name. They said all of that at graduation.
When I was young there was a older gentleman at our church named Harold. He had a sweetheart of a wife named Olive. Unfortunately their last name was Bonar. So imagine being a young man in church and trying to pay attention and be good. Then the Preacher announcing that Harry Bonar will lead us in prayer. To this day I don’t know why he went by Harry and what this parents were thinking.
Some of this material has been edited for clarity.