1. Wear the same bra for….an undetermined, yet very long time. Unless it smells.
2. Getting naked and contorting our bodies in the mirror in the most absurd ways in order to try and look skinny.
3. Watched themselves cry in the mirror at least once during a heavy crying session. You know after sobbing for 20 minutes, you want to see if you “cry prettily”. Most of the time, it will be a disappointment.
4. Hold my boobs while running down the stairs.
5. Naming my boobs.
6. Let our legs get hairy until they see some action.
7. Admire another woman’s beauty, as well as be jealous of another woman’s beauty.
8. Spend far too much time trying to pluck one eyebrow hair that won’t go away.
9. Practice strip-teasing for yourself in front of a mirror. Determine never to strip for anyone ever. Break rule.
10. When you think nobody is looking, you readjust your bra, stick your hand in, pull ’em up one at a time, straighten the band and straps, and add an extra squeeze to make sure everything is in its place.
11. Cried for absolutely no reason and felt stupid about it.
12. When trying to poop in public we try to pretend we’re not in the stall and act dead silent if someone comes in. We won’t poop until they’ve left the bathroom. If they came to poop there is usually a poop stalemate. Nobody wins in a poop stalemate.
13. Stabbed myself in the eye with a mascara wand.
14. Squatting like a baseball catcher to stretch out freshly washed jeans.
15. Going out on a date? Start getting ready like 2 or 3 hours beforehand just to make sure you’re ready on time, and then rush the last ten minutes before you have to leave when you realize that you only have half of your face on and you’re still in a towel.
16. Cup shower water in my boobies then unleash the water torrent on my toes.
17. Stayed up later than planned only because the nail polish you’ve applied ten minutes ago is still dentable & you don’t want to wake up to dented nail polish. Ever.
18. Do shower math when you wake up to see how long you have to sleep and if it’s even worth showering or go back to bed and put your hair in a bun for work.
19. After shaving, wear silky or satin-y pj’s.
20. That amazing back/stomach scratch when you take your bra off after a long day. Best feeling ever.