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1. A girl once asked me to keep my dorm door unlocked so that she could wake me up in the morning. The next morning she crawled into bed with me, and I couldn't understand why she would come over if she was so tired.

I stayed perfectly still so that she would be able to sleep.

2. A girl once asked to use my shower, and left the door wide open as an invitation. So I thought I'd be a funny guy and throw ice cubes at her.

3. This girl and I were alone in my apartment, and we'd just finished watching a movie. She'd had her head resting on my lap the entire time. Afterwards we were spooning on the couch, she cuddled up against me, kissed me on the cheek, and looked up at me expectantly. I stared at her for a few moments and then said, "So... what do you want to do?" After a while I ended up taking her home.

4. In high school, a girl asked me for a ride home from a football game one time, to which I agreed. She asked if I wanted to come in and see her room (I forget why this seemed like a normal thing), and that it wouldn't bother her parents because they weren't home.

So, I went in and had a tour of her house, then left. I was pretty pissed off when I figured it out a while later.

5. She ordered an ice-cream cone, 'accidentally' smeared it on her cheek, and asked me to get it off. I grabbed the last napkin and wiped it off. Persistent as ever, she 'accidentally' smears ice-cream on her other cheek and politely informs me that I can get it off with my mouth, given our napkin deficit. I just said, "Nah, I hate strawberry", and used my dry elbows to get it off.

In hindsight, I should have used my shirt.

6. Her: "No one has even asked me to homecoming!"

Me: "Yeah, me either. So what are you going to do?"

Her: "Well, I guess if no one is going to ask me... I'll probably just stay home."

Me: "That's probably what I'll end up doing too."

Her: "Yeah, so... it would be really nice to go though."

Me: "I agree, but oh well!"

Her: "o_0"

Me: "Mind if I call you that night?"

Her: "Ummm, sure.. "


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7. I once had a cute female in my bed. Said she was cold. So...I gave her another blanket.

8. I was dropping my date off at her apartment after a nice evening. She asked me up for coffee, but I politely declined, stating "I can't drink coffee late at night, it keeps me up" Lady, if you're out there, I didn't realize that coffee didn't really mean ... well, whatever.

9. One time, a girl kissed me on a school bus without warning and told me that I could get off at her stop and we could walk to her house because her parents weren't home. I said no because I was going to Miss Dragonball Z.

10. Sitting next to her at a school play:

Her: "My hands are cold."

Me: "Mine too" Continue to do nothing

11. I was coming back home and I was at the bag pickup. This really cute girl and I started talking. The conversation was about how she was just visiting Miami and really didn't know where to go. After a while we realized that we were the only two people who hadn't gotten their bags cause we were at the wrong conveyor. After some joking and a trip to the baggage claim we got our bags and stayed there talking for a bit. My mom called me telling me that she was outside. I said I had to go and I saw a small look of confusion/frown on her face. I got into the car and then it hit me: she wanted me to show her around town, duh. I just look at my mom and said, "You have raised the biggest idiot on the planet."

12. Hung out with girl regularly and she proceeds to walk me out to my car every night we are together. We stand around the car for 20 minutes having what seems to be awkward conversations every time. Did nothing and left.

13. I was at my tutor's house, and for some reason was in her bedroom. I lay down on the bed (feet touching floor), and she came over and straddled me. I just kind of stared up at her; she looked down at me for a few moments, then got off and said OK, let's do the lesson.

It wasn't until a couple of months later that I was like hey, she was waiting for me to make a move. I was clueless because she was my teacher, and she talked about her boyfriend fairly frequently anyway.


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14. Gave a girl a ride home, "Want to come in? My parents are at work." Nah, I'm gonna go hang out with my buddies.

15. Girl comes over, changes into a pair of my boxers and lays in bed. Did nothing, wondered why she's wearing them, they are obviously too big for her.

16. Drunk with friends playing card game. Two girls go upstairs and motion me to come. "Hold on, I need to finish this game."

17. After dinner and a movie, we went to a convenience store, she told me to go inside and get "anything I needed". So I come out with a bag of sun chips and two raspberry flavored water bottles. She does a face palm.

18. High school, sophomore year. A really cute girl who lived down the street called me at around 10pm to say that her skirt zipper was broken and she couldn't take it off. She goes on to say her family isn't home and no one else is in the house to help her remove it, and could I come over and help her because "it's an emergency".

She adds that she'll reward me with a glass of wine, since she just had one herself and her parents aren't home.

I, being the utter genius that I am, walk her through (over the phone) how to dissect a zipper, complete with getting angry at her for being slow to get pliers from her dad's garage like I directed her to do.

After hanging up I felt like a great citizen. Now when I look back on it, I just want to hang myself.

19. Her: So this girl I know likes this guy I know but he's been oblivious to all of her signals, so what does she have to do to tell him she likes him?

Me: I don't know, just tell him she likes him?

Her: Like, "I like you?" Just like that?

Me: Yeah, like that.

Her: I like you.

Me: Yeah, tell her to tell him that, and she'll be all set.

pause

Her: ...I like you.

Me: Yup, you've got it... was there anything else?

20. Girl made me a mix CD with gooey love songs. Listened to two, threw it away because the music sucks.

21. On a walk with a girl. "My hands are cold." My thoughts "OH SWEET I BROUGHT GLOVES, SHE'LL LOVE THIS." Procure gloves, girl says no thanks with a puzzled look. My thoughts: "What is she crazy? These are DESIGNED to warm up hands."


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