“Sorry, I did what!?”
Here, people reveal the weirdest rumor they’ve heard about themselves.
1. Safety first.
That I wore bicycle helmets when I drove my car.
2. Never nude.
“He mows the lawn naked.”
Um, gym shorts and a tank top is not naked.
3. Another sibling.
I had a couple friends over one day after school. There were a bunch of clothes in boxes by the door that were being donated. However, I found out later that my friends thought this meant I was moving.
They thought I was too sad to tell anyone, so they arranged a surprise going away party in my grade 3 class. Yeah, that got awkward quick…
That I was dead.
I was on “The Corridor Committee” at school drawing up a code of conduct at the end of my 4th Year (you can imagine how much tang I got at school) and the new rules were to be announced the following school year.
But then I had to change schools at very short notice over the summer holidays and only told my socially isolated circle of friends (story continued on the next page…).
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So the new school year starts and everyone gets the Start-of-Year assembly where they’re told “Welcome back!” and to “Work hard…” etc. Then they were introduced to the new Corridor CodeTM
The head teacher reads off the code and says “Special thanks to [list of people involved] and [my name], who sadly is no longer with us.”
And that’s how my death was accidentally announced to the entire school.
5. Not that flexible.
That I was so frustrated that my girlfriend wouldn’t have sex with me that I would give myself head.
I’m not a flexible guy so all this did was imply that I’m packing. Thanks dudes.
6. How does anyone “randomly” come up with this??
I’m a male and there was a rumor going around school that I was masturbating in a shower with the water on ridiculously hot, then just before climaxing I apparently flipped the water to ice cold. This made me pass out and they said I was found by my dad lying in the shower covered in my own stuff, completely starkers. He then apparently carried me to my bed and placed me there like some sort of prized ham.
I’m not even sure how 15/16 year old kids imagine up that kind of thing. I actually found it hilarious when I found out some years later…
7. Not gone for good.
I went to treatment in 9th grade from March to May. When I came back, people looked at me like they saw a ghost. Found out that there was a rumor that I had died. Needless to say people were surprised.
8. From high schooler to accused murderer.
My mum had a seizure when I was at dinner with her after school. Her first ever, it was very traumatizing etc.
Anyway, I went to a Catholic school, so in the morning, they made an announcement about remembering my mum in their prayers (this was standard policy when family members of students were sick, injured or died.)
Somehow, a couple of girls interpreted this as my mum had died (story continued on the next page…).
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They were really shocked that I was in school at all. So first I had to clear that up.
Then, some freshman girls decided that the actual truth was that I had killed my mother. They told a teacher they didn’t feel comfortable around a murderer.
So most outrageous rumor I heard specifically about myself was that the freshmen thought I had killed my mum.
9. What are friends for?
A rumor spread that I had died in a car wreck. This happened while I was visible and in school. I would show up to classes and people would jump with joy realizing that it had been a lie.
My friends were jerks.
10. Didn’t even have a pool.
Not high school–elementary school. A rumor was going around that I had been having sex with my date for the 5th grade dance in our school pool.
We were ten years old.
Our school didn’t have a pool.
11. People have it so wrong.
That I was a huge snob. I was amazed to hear it because I was massively shy with low self-esteem and terrified to talk to anyone.
12. You get a yacht, you get a yacht, you get a yacht!
In middle school this one girl had a birthday party on a boat and invited pretty much every girl. I wasn’t invited but I didn’t care since we didn’t know each other. Some girls who didn’t like me decided to invent the rumor that… (story continued on the next page…)
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I was having a birthday party on my yacht the same day as the other girl had hers.
I still don’t quite understand the reason for this rumor. My birthday wasn’t anytime soon, I certainly didn’t own a yacht…all they did was make me sound rich.
13. Oh yeah, if you don’t enjoy being assaulted you must be gay.
In Jr. High a rumor was spread that I was a lesbian. It started because a very popular boy cornered me in a bathroom and tried to shove his tongue in my mouth – I pushed him back and told him I wasn’t interested, he told me every girl wanted him and I must be a lesbian. Obviously, he told a few people I was.
14. Pretty straight edge actually.
That I was a massive stoner who always smoked weed before school.
1) I never smoked before school.
2) The rumours started long before I even touched a joint.
15. Not possible.
My physics teacher got me pregnant three times in six months time.
16. Still here.
I refused to have a MySpace back in 2005-2006 or so and two of my friends made a “whythatsclever RIP” page as a joke. People were actually calling my house to see if I was dead. I wasn’t.
17. Just friends.
Someone started a rumor that me and my friend were gay. There was a Instagram video of us messing around and LIGHTLY punching each other and the PTA had to ask if we were in an abusive relationship. It was very weird to explain that we were not in fact gay and not in an abusive relationship. They didn’t believe us until we said it multiple times. They kept saying, “you don’t have to hide it” and we were like what the heck.
18. Average Joe.
A girl scratched into a bathroom wall that I had a huge penis my sophomore or junior year of high school. I had zero sexual experience at the time and my bits and pieces are astoundingly average. Never found out who dunnit.
19. But how?
According to some rumor I wanted to build a nuke on my toilet at home.
I was a weird kid, but how?
20. Pet detective.
Growing up, my dad was rally in to taxidermy. When I say ‘really’, I mean so much so that our house was filled with little stuffed birds, dear heads on the wall, and a stuffed beaver by the front door.
In elementary school, the kids started a rumor that (story continued on the next page…)…
That my dad would steal pets and taxidermy them to display at our home. I found it pretty hilarious, except when people stopped wanting to come over to my house.
21. Don’t exist.
It wasn’t during high school, but afterwards. Some of my younger siblings friends were convinced that I didn’t exist.
I was really self-conscious in high school and had managed to avoid getting my picture taken for any reason. I even managed to have a school ID without a photo. Consequently, my name appears in the year book as a graduate – but there is no photo and no other photo or mention of me.
When I got my year book and proudly showed my parents how I had managed to avoid having my picture in the year book, they told me to return it for a refund.
22. Not very good bullies.
I went to a mostly white high school in Quebec while I myself am half black half white. Im my school, if you weren’t a pure bred (inbred) French Canadian, the kids made fun of you. But they were also very dumb and the most clever rumor they came up with was that I had a big black dick. I never denied it. Also they later started a rumor that I smoked a lot of weed, which I did. They never really got the bullying thing down right.
23. Should have been notified.
Several years after graduating I heard that when I was in high school I had Sex with the majority of the girls there. I had no idea I was having all that sex! Why didn’t anyone tell me sooner?!?!