"I swear, I thought you were my wife!"
These people didn't look before they leapt... and got themselves into an unfortunate mix-up. This is why I never sneak up on people from behind!
[Source listed at the end of the article]
More entertaining than the movie
“My uncle used to always playfully pat me on the back when I walked past him when I was a kid, around six or seven.
Well one time when my aunt and uncle were visiting us, we went to Blockbuster to rent a movie. I saw my uncle facing a wall of movies so I snuck up behind him, wound up, and slapped him in the butt as hard as my 6-year-old self could.
Turns out it wasn’t my uncle and that my whole family (my uncle included) just watched me spank a stranger.”
Take a lap, dad
“I cheered very loudly for my daughter at a swimming event. Only it wasn’t my daughter. She was in the next heat. In caps and matching suits, the kids on the team all look alike.”
He gave him the friend treatment
“I was chilling outside the locker rooms in middle school, waiting for the bell to ring, when some kid I didn’t know sprinted up and took a whack at me right in the old family jewels. As I doubled over in extreme pain he looked closer at my face and went, ‘Oh crap! I thought you were my friend! Are you ok?’
I was not ok, and just fell to my knees in agony instead of responding. A few seconds later his actual friend walked by, at which point he ran off to punch said friend in the jewels.”
That feeling when you realize this isn’t your car
“Not me, but my mum.
My dad pulled the car over quickly so she could pop into the corner shop to buy something.
My mum returned and without really looking, got into the car next to ours which was a similar model with some random man at the wheel.
The look of confusion on the driver’s face and absolute embarrassment from my mum was hilarious.”
No need to panic but…
“I once accidentally sent a dirty text message to my mom instead of my wife.”
“This actually happened to me not too long ago. I was walking back to my office after lunch and a woman shouted ‘Hi!’ to me and started waving enthusiastically. I yelled ‘Hi!’ back and waved back to her.
As I got closer she got red in the face and apologized and said she thought I was someone else. I said no problem, as it was nice to get such a friendly greeting anyway, and walked on.”
The only thing scarier than a velociraptor
“I once mistook two little kids in an arcade game as my brothers and scared the heck out of them.
Remember that enclosed Jurassic Park arcade game with the black curtains on the side? It had a window on the back where you could see if it was occupied. I (thought I) spotted my two young brothers saving the Park from InGen’s dinos and figured it would do to scare them with a little dinosaur roar of my own.
I flung through the black curtain and ROARED as loud as I could. Needless to say the two kids, who were not my brothers, were petrified and screamed at a high pitch…
My brothers were playing Time Crisis nearby and were quite confused… we left promptly.”
“I once sent a very private text message to my best friend instead of my girlfriend. It involved what we were planning to do that night.
His response was, ‘Oh really?’ with a winky face.”
He got the wrong person, but they did the right thing
“Just after school ended last year, my wife got a text from a kid by mistake. He was trying to ask his dad for money for a new pair of shoes as he had a job interview, but put in the wrong number. We knew this likely meant his father’s number wasn’t saved in his phone. Our school was in a rough area and a lot of kids weren’t in touch with their dads.
We looked at each other and both knew we were going to buy him the shoes, so we played dumb and asked where his ‘dad’ should send the money. At some point we had to actually tell him we weren’t his dad so we could ask his name to wire it to him. He was really happy and sent us a photo of him on his first day at work.
It felt great.”
But did you invite her to the baby shower?
“I was meeting my sister in Kyoto and accidentally told a random woman who was not my sister that I was pregnant. To be fair, she looked a whole lot like her.
She did say ‘congratulations,’ so that was nice.”
At least you got it out of your system
“I called my dad. I hear a voice ‘Hello?’ and immediately start going into this long rant about the troubles my husband and I were having while crying.
After I stopped for a moment, the person on the other end of the line says, ‘I’m sorry about your troubles, but I’m not your dad.’ He hung up without saying another word. Apparently I didn’t dial the correct number.”
Not so lucky
“We were in Budapest in February. I came back into the bar where my friends were sitting after taking a walk outside, came up behind my friend, and rubbed his bald head for luck.
I then looked over and saw my friend staring at me in shock, while this random bald Hungarian man turned around looking very confused. I apologized for the mixup, and the man started laughing.
I only remember this because one of the guys saw what was happening and took a photo rather than intervene.”
He’ll never know the answer
“I once asked a girl out, and she hesitated before answering. Fearing she was going to say no, I said, ‘Sorry, wrong person!’… dug myself into a deeper hole with that one.
I got nice and comfortable in the friend zone after that.”
Any kid will do
“I made it all the way out the door and to my car before realizing I had taken the wrong kid from the daycare. This kid didn’t say a friggin’ word to me. He was more than happy to leave with me, a perfect stranger. Also inexplicably happy was my actual son, who was waving at us from the window.”
Two dads, one son
“I was waiting for my food at a taco shop, and a man and his very young son came in, ordered, then stood near me waiting for their food.
After a moment, the father (who was standing between where I was and his son) walked over to the soda machine to fill his cup. The son wasn’t really paying attention, and walked over to me and hugged my waist, thinking I was his dad.
I’d been looking at my phone, so I was very confused to randomly look down and see a small child hugging me. He didn’t even notice for a second until he finally glanced up at me and saw that I definitely wasn’t his dad. The dad turned around from the soda machine, saw his child hugging a random stranger, looked a little confused, then laughed a bit as his son let go of me and ran over to him.”
She crossed the line
“Mine is more like a ‘wrong person–but actually right person’ story.
Back in high school, when everyone had their own angsty teenage blog and all followed each other on it, I wrote a lot about my crush who I had nicknamed ‘Cross.’
One day after school, a group of us were playing some card games, including John (aka Cross). At one point someone asked, ‘Whose turn is it?’ and it being John’s turn, I said, ‘It’s Cross’s turn!” without thinking. Everyone knew I had a crush on someone named Cross so you could have heard a pin drop in that silence.
Then of course I awkwardly followed up with, ‘Uh I mean… John. Um, don’t know why I said Cross. That’s not your name… haha.” But it was too late. The rest of that card game was pretty excruciating.”
Look before you leap
“I rugby-tackled a kid about 7 years younger than me, as he was puffing on a ciggy and I thought it was my younger brother in the street. I had said I’d punish him if I ever caught him doing it.
I was 23 at the time and he was not my brother.”
I hope he offered her some water as an apology
“It was 2am and I was volunteering to help with a marathon for a charity. A person who happened to be bald was standing right in my way. I needed to deliver a case of water to the refill station.
‘Excuse me! Can I get by?’
No response again.
‘Excuse me Sir!!’
Now I finally get a response.
‘EXCUSE ME? I am not a ‘sir.’ I’ve been going through chemo treatment…’
In hindsight, I felt bad but I think I deserve to be cut some slack for a simple mistake.”
Or maybe he was a coworker, but just decided it was easier to quit
“I was in a bathroom stall at work. I notice the shoes of the guy in the stall next to me and think it’s one of my better friends in the office. Knowing he has a similar sense of humor, I quietly and jokingly whisper, “What did I eat?” Nothing but crickets in the stall over. I figured the joke just didn’t land, and I finish up and go wash my hands.
While I’m drying them the guy comes out of the stall–and he is 100% not my friend. The most awkward five seconds of my life follow as I finish drying my hands and bolt out the door. Fortunately I think he must’ve been a client or vendor since I haven’t seen him since on my floor.”
She picked the wrong pocket
“I was at the mall with my best friend and she was wearing her boyfriend’s sweatshirt. I lost sight of her for a moment and then spotted the sweatshirt near the pretzel place. I walked up behind her, wrapped my arms around her waist to put my hands in the pocket of the sweatshirt.
It was not my best friend. It was a teenage boy shopping with his mother. That was a very, very awkward explanation.”
Don’t run on the pier
“I was at a seaside resort with my mom, dad, brother, and sister-in-law. Me and my parents went to the pier and saw a 9-foot-long bull shark. We got back to the condo and I ran up to my brother and sister-in-law freaking out yelling, ‘Dude!! We saw a shark!!!’
Yeahhhh, it wasn’t them. They looked at me like I was a stranger asking if I could adopt their kid or something.
My family still brings that up as much as they can 3 years later.”
“I was living and studying in Europe for 4 years and saw my parents about twice a year. I stumbled upon a ridiculously cheap ticket for an upcoming flight to see my parents in the States and I decided to surprise them.
I was texting with my mom all day so it didn’t look suspicious. I happened to be flying on the same day as one of my friends. He sent me a picture of himself all buckled in waiting to take off, so I did the same.
I accidentally sent it to my mom.”
Well at least your crush knows who you are now
“I went to a new school in fifth grade, and was just a few months in when I was waiting with a friend for my parents to pick me up.
‘There’s your dad!’ said one of my new friends, and pointed at a car. Sure, it looked just like our car but the license plate didn’t match. I didn’t even think about that, my friend said it was my dad, so it was, right?
I said goodbye to my friend, opened the door and was halfway in with the intent to ask why he got a new car.
‘Dad, why did you…’
I met the eye of a man I had never seen before in my life, and I stared at him in horror for a second or two before I got out of the car, without a word, and slammed the door close.
It turned out the car belonged to the dad of one of the cute boys in my new class. My friend hadn’t deliberately fooled me, but she had a good laugh at my mistake.”
What is it with butt-slapping?
“When I was in my late teens, I slapped a complete stranger on the butt, thinking it was my boyfriend.
We were shopping at a clothing store one day, and we both split ways to look in different sections. When I was done browsing, I set off to find him. I find him bent over, looking at some jeans on a low-to-the-floor shelf. I snuck up behind him, and gave him a playful slap on the butt, as I’d done hundreds of times before… except, it wasn’t him.
The person whirled around. It was a woman in her 40s, with very short hair of the same cut and color as my boyfriends, wearing a green shirt and khaki pants, just like he was wearing that day. Similar build, too. She didn’t even look offended, she just looked confused beyond all reason.
“I guess I would be confused too, if I were a 40-year-old woman, and a teenage goth girl wearing black lipstick, fishnets, and a punk t-shirt slapped me on the butt while I was shopping for jeans…
Well, I actually gasped out loud and went to stammer an apology, but couldn’t even get the words out. So, what did I do? I literally ran away, and out of the store. I was that embarrassed. I just ran away.
My boyfriend finally found me sitting in the mall courtyard, with my face in my hands. I told him what happened, and he laughed until he cried.
I’m 32 now, and I’m still embarrassed.”
These comments have been edited for clarity.