Kids are usually incredibly honest and for that reason, savagery comes to them with such minimal effort. Ask a child if they like your outfit or your new haircut, and I bet you'll regret asking for their opinion in the first place.
Interested in more 'innocent' kid quotables? Find the original thread source at the end of the article.
‘Go Back To Where You Came From’
“One of my first jobs, after I got my Bachelors of Arts was working as an associate teacher at a school for kids with emotional and behavioral issues. I remember during my orientation they wanted me to sit in on a class of children — since I’d never had experience working with kids before. It went all good until a kid decided to run out of the classroom. I was nervous, because of how inexperienced I was.
I remember following this 7-year-old child through the halls, trying to persuade him back into the class. He was on a mission, looking for his therapist for whatever reason. He ultimately interrupted her in the middle of a session.
But before that, as I was trying to persuade him to return to class, he stopped and looked right at me and said:
‘Go back to college.’
He knew I didn’t belong there.”
Just Like His Father
“We were having a weekend get together, 2 to 3 families, some friends, kids etc. Usually, when we outnumber the chairs, we normally sit on the floor and have food. This was a similar situation.
One way or the other, we ended up discussing some politics, and obviously, that led to some heated arguments, forming groups supporting our sides, shouting, and what not. It literally was becoming something like a T.V channel show, where people sit and argue for no good.
The kids were noticing us, some trying to seek attention, some making confused faces, some worried, and some acting indifferent.
There was this awesome kid, who continued eating, not bothered by all this chaos going on. I started noticing him since I found him acting something like this.
Ultimately, he gets up and just says,
“Guys, if you just don’t keep your mouth shut and finish what is on your plate, I would definitely send you to the school today, and you won’t be allowed to watch Cartoons, play with Rado, and I won’t take you to meet grandpa on Sunday. I’m dang serious and I mean it.”
This was exactly the same thing that his father says.
‘You Should Get Married And Fast’
“I’m taking evening German language classes at a language school these days, and there’s this kid in my class (calling him a kid might be stretching it a bit, given he’s almost 15). Although we’d been attending the class for almost 3 weeks, he and I had never talked (given the massive age difference, I mean I’m twice his age), and never even had said hi to each other once. Until this one day, I was having a Coke and a smoke during the break, he came up to me and without even introducing himself or greeting me or anything like that, asked me straight up:
Boy: ‘Sir are you married?’
Me: (totally confused and equally surprised): ‘No.’
At this moment I thought maybe he wanted to hook up his sister or some cousin with me. But he replied pointing to my receding hairline: ‘You should get married soon before you go completely bald.’
And then he simply walked away. Suffice to say, we’ve never chatted since.”
A Truthful Little Angel
“My mother’s house is where she conducts child care with her own rules and no boss. You’d think this would open me to so many opportunities to get roasted by a savage child but actually, those pleasures came from my elementary school.
My elementary school was always small and the music teacher was just awful, making us sing the most cringe-worthy songs. The fifth graders put on a play every year, so you can imagine there was only an actually good one about every fifteen years when the ONLY good play was brought back into circulation. Unfortunately, in my fifth-grade year, I got possibly the worst one yet. That was mostly because it was an original creation by this music teacher. The songs were awful, there was no plot, the characters were cringy and lame and historical figures somehow got dragged into it. I even felt sorry for myself.
After it, I was kind of joking around with my mom and the couple kids she was watching. The kids she was watching said it was good. Well, duh, they were probably so bewildered by the absolute crap and nothing the play contains and didn’t know what to say. And then, out of nowhere, an adorable little kindergarten girl with blond pigtails and an angel smile comes to answer my question.
‘Actually,’ she tells me. ‘I thought it was really, really boring.’
I laughed about it for a really long time, especially with her mortified mother behind the little savage.”
“A few months after I had given birth to my daughter, I started a new workout routine.
I am naturally impatient, and I was still a tad bit hormonal. Standing in front of the full-length mirror, I grabbed at my stomach and sides complaining about how ‘chunky’ I looked.
In waltzed my (then) darling five-year-old and he just watched me for a minute.
What’s the matter?
Oh, I’m just feeling kind of sad about how I look right now. I’m trying to lose my chubby belly after having your baby-sister.
OH! Are you just big? I thought there was another baby in there!
Savage Level: Beast Mode.”
‘This one stings.’
“It’s a well-known fact in my social circle that I cannot dance to save my life. My expressions go all weird and my movements get super forced and awkward. So, there I am in high spirits, waiting to pounce on to the dance floor because my jam comes on. For some reason, I feel I got better at dancing without any practice at all.
I make some room for myself on the crowded floor and negotiate some space, gently pushing people away to witness from afar, the dancing revolution that my new found confidence would soon grace the audience with.
I hear laughter. Lots of it. I ignore it and continue dancing as if I am Michael Jackson reincarnated.
That’s when the beats stop, everyone else stops dancing and in the split second longer than I took to stop, this savage little kid lands his piercing one-liner:
‘You dance like a bag of wet cement being shoved around’
Savage. Everyone else bursts into hysterical laughter and there I stood contemplating moving away forever. I managed to fake a laugh and slid off the dance floor vowing to never return.”
‘Kids Will Fight Back’
“Kids are growing up fast nowadays.
So this is a wedding scene, and at weddings, there are girls, many pretty girls.
I have the impression of being a flirt. There’s this kid on my maternal uncle’s side of the family (who is basically my cousin’s kid) who admired me a whole lot because he’s really into cricket and I’m the best cricketer he knows personally (that does not, in any way, mean I am an average or a just above average player). So he used to roam around me during weddings and other such family gatherings and I used to take the benefit of his admiration by making him do all the labor work of getting the food me whenever I wanted and stuff like that. Especially, when I was with a girl with whom I did not want to leave the conversation in between, I would tell him to go get food and stuff for me and my bridal prospect (not really).
So this continued for quite a long time, like 2 to 3 years and that kid grew from 11 to 14.
There was this woman who caught my eye, and she reciprocated too by looking at me twice on an hourly basis. Then there was a moment at the water area in the banquet hall when she wasn’t with her friends and I took a shot.
I went and started with a classic, being the gentleman I am, I offered to fill her a glass of water as her dress was too long to enter that wet area nearby the water jugs. I felt like she was impressed by that gesture. We, then, hung around for some time.
Then there comes this savage…
The same old kid whom I used for my luxury at family functions. I called him and told him to get us some pizzas.
He replied in his innocent tone, ‘There’s too much rush at that stall, I am not going to get in line for the pizzas! And after all, I don’t think she’s going to fall for you’.
In that moment, the world just seemed so unrealistic to me! The sincere guy who was fond of me suddenly uttered such words in front of my new found lady! Oh my gosh, I was embarrassed!
Luckily, that girl just laughed at his innocence and told me that it was okay, despite me feeling heavy with embarrassment.
Good thing for the kid though, I didn’t use him to carry the burden of my luxurious lifestyle at weddings and family gatherings from that day forward. But, I found another!
Yes, luckily for me, there are a total of 32 members in my maternal uncle’s joint family of 4 brothers. So you always find people of any age group you want.
Moral of the story: kids will fight back!”
‘There Is Honor In Winning’
“I’m a volunteer tennis coach on Sundays for a group of little kids.
One particular Sunday, I was feeding tennis balls to these kids in a game where they raced kids on another court. Basically, whoever made 25 balls first won.
My team lost the game, which was fine considering most of these kids were 7 to 8 and literally couldn’t care less about winning anything.
One specific kid was super distraught about losing. He started blaming all the other kids for their loss and was being downright disrespectful. I was kinda annoyed so I approached him and told him ‘it was just a game’ and it wasn’t that important.
I wish at this point I could tell you this kid learned his lesson and stopped talking. Sadly, that didn’t happen.
He responded to my comment by saying that is was more than a game, it was a competition. He then responded that losing meant he couldn’t get a prize.
There was no prize, which I pointed out to him, but, he insisted that there was one. Curious, I asked what the prize from this meaningless competition was.
He responded dead seriously with, ‘There’s honor involved in winning. You clearly don’t have any’.
I was completely dumbfounded by what just came out of a 7-year-old’s mouth. I didn’t even respond, I spend 2 minutes contemplating why this kid just said something from the likes of a 16th-century war general.
I’m still confused to this day…”
‘I Want To Face My Fears’
“We had a fair to celebrate Deepavali (Hindu festival of lights) at Parramatta Park in Sydney, and I was there with my students, they are my manager’s sons whom I tutor on the weekends. They are perfect examples of western education with excellent spoken skills, possessing practical knowledge.
So, we went to this fair which had many scary and tummy twisting rides which I wouldn’t ride at even 27 and these kids were 12 and 10. So, the younger one was all pumped up to go on every ride possible and asked me to buy tickets for everyone to go on these rides. The elder one was pretty nervous and said he doesn’t want to go on any of the rides. The younger one still pursuant and all charged up.
I said, ‘I am not coming on any of those rides, your brother has changed his mind and that means you cannot go alone’. He said it didn’t matter and that he still wanted to go.
I asked him, ‘Why? Why would you want to go on when none of us are coming with you?’
He said, with utmost conviction in his voice and looking up straight into my eyes with his bespectacled eyes…
‘I want to face my fears.’
It was too hard for me to dissect that sentence because at his age, I ran away from everything that scared me and I was still running away from most of the things in life and of course that ride too.
So, what did I do?… I bought him tickets and watched him on the ride. Contemplating my life and everything that I ever feared, including the ride.”
‘My Little Sister Will Pay For This’
“My little sister is a smirky jerk that I intend to make pay for her actions one day.
She caught me with a phone that I was hiding from my parents.
At the time, I was still in high school and my parents forbade most gadgets because ‘they’ll affect your studies’.
I begged her and promised her the world if she didn’t tell it.
After a while, when I forgot about it, we argued about something and when she threatened to report the phone to my mom, I acted like I didn’t care.
She became serious about it until I was on my knees again.
She started shouting at my mom who was upstairs,
Her: MOM! MOM! Turns to me I swear today you’re done.
I started becoming nervous.
Me: Please, please, please. I sounded awfully desperate
My heart skipped a beat or two.
Her: Runs to mom I wanna tell you something.
I ran behind her but didn’t enter my mom’s room, instead, I was outside gesturing some hand signs, begging her. I couldn’t imagine my life without that phone. It was my everything back then.
Mom: What do you want?
I started sweating. It was too late. I didn’t realize how wide my eyes became.
Her: I found out…I found the shoe you were looking for.
I released a big fat sigh of relief.
Then she came out and said, ‘You owe me one.’
I was picturing her corpse right then and there.”
‘There Is A Special Place From Kids Down Below’
“The Indian Premier League is something of a big deal in a cricket-obsessed country like India, and like most cricket aficionados, I too was bit by the IPL bug.
More so back in the early stages of the tournament than today.
And just like club football, in IPL as well, one picked a franchise to support throughout the season and I picked the Kolkata Knight Riders from the very first season.
Now most IPL followers would know that KKR had a terrible start to the competition, languishing close to the bottom by the end of the first few seasons. However, despite crappy performances, I never changed loyalties and like a true supporter, in spite of the flabbergasting color combination that looked straight out of a B-grade horror movie, I even bought myself a team jersey.
Yup. Disgusting! But hey, I’m a fan!
So, one beautiful Sunday, I was out with my mates, playing some street cricket in the park, wearing this jersey, when a kid, not over 7 or 8-years-old, comes up to me, tugs my shirt and says:
‘Uncle, uncle, KKR supporter?’
Uncle, my foot, as I frown before the question hits me.
Then I flash him the proudest of smiles! _Ah! Another fan! ‘_Yes, I am!’
Before I could soak in the pride, the kid bursts out into the most hysterical laugh.
‘HA HA HA HA! What a loser!’, he says.
‘Now come on,’ I say, “That’s not f—“
‘Look, look, a KKR supporter,’ the kid interrupts me and screams at his little buddies.
His buddies stop midway through whatever they were doing, look at me, and start laughing in unison.
‘HAHAHA, loser,’ they say one by one.
Oh, there’s a special place down below for these kids, I swear!”
Points are edited for clarity.