1. Greet everyone that enters the elevator with a firm and serious handshake, then say, “Welcome aboard, you can call me Captain.” Works best if you have a Navy cap on.
2. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask Got enough air in there?
3. After a few moments of quiet, say the following in a panicked voice: “Oh god, did I just say that out loud… No… No, I’m okay.”
4. Make quiet explosion noises whenever someone presses a button.
5. Pretend you’re a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
6. Swat insistently at flies that don’t exist.
7. If you’re with more than one other friend on the elevator, have everyone face backwards. When someone tries to enter, they’ll be confused and torn between facing forward like normal or joining the crowd and succumbing to peer pressure.
8. When there is only one other passenger on the elevator, tap him/her on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn’t you.
9. Randomly make meowing noises occasionally.
10. Without actually farting… say, “Eehh, that one is gonna smell.”
11. Say, “I’ve always wondered what this button does.” Then press all the emergency buttons.
12. Draw a mid-sized square around your feet with chalk. Then look up and say in a serious voice, “This is my personal space.”
13. When there’s a decent amount of people on the elevator, walk to the front and say, “I’m sure you’re all wondering why I brought you here today.”
14. If you’re ever left with one other person, turn to them and say, “Finally, we’re alone. I thought they’d NEVER leave.”
15. When I’m in an elevator with my wife and someone else, I always lean over to my wife and say, “So… do you think your husband knows about us?” She usually plays along, and we drag the conversation out, making it as awkward as possible.
16. Turn to somebody on the elevator, look logingly into their eyes, and say, “I’m ready to take things to the next level if you are.” Then push the button for the next floor.
17. When arriving at your floor, start to strain hard at the doors, trying to pry them open. Then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
18. Look around and say, “I feel like I’ve gotten to know you all on so many different levels.”
19. Hold the door open and say, “I’m waiting for a friend.” Wait a moment, let the doors close, then say, “Hey Greg, how’s your day going?” as if someone were standing beside you.
20. I always ask people to “push 15 for me please” when there are only 14 floors, or one more than whatever the top floor is in that building. Most people actually try to look for the nonexistent floor for a few seconds.