So I was casually browsing through the Rock CDs at HMV recently. It was a Saturday afternoon and the store was pretty packed. Some good tunes were playing in the background, songs I recognized. As I pushed and squeezed my way through the shuffling crowd of shoppers, I felt a sudden and intense need to pass some gas.
It was one of those moments where I just knew that this wouldnt be one of those silent but deadly farts; the pressure was too great, and rising quickly. It would definitely be a loud one. But whatever, right? Im a sophisticated man, a worldly man, I know my way around an awkward fart.
So, even though I was in close proximity to a bunch of strangers, I figured I had a way out of this. I listened to the rumbling bass and the thumping drums of the rock song and decided I would time my farts to the loud and intense parts of the song so nobody would hear me.
The bass got heavier, and I dropped a small toot with a sly smile. So far so good. But there was more gas where that came from. A drum fill covered a few louder, longer farts. Then the distorted guitar started wailing, and so did my buttcheeks. Easy as pie.
Then I looked around and, to my surprise, everyone around me was giving me weird looks. A few people were giggling. Some people were even getting out of the way, leaving a big bubble of empty space around me.
Thats when it dawned on me. I had been listening to my iPod the entire time.