Motherhood: where 90% of your day is spent putting away other people’s crap.
The 3yo insisted on helping me put all the laundry away. It’s only taken us 6 hours & 10 minutes & apparently pants go in the fridge now.
Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) May 11, 2015
For Halloween I’m just going to put on some lip gloss and go as a mother who has it together.
Tartlandia (@SardonicTart) October 15, 2015
Before I had kids, I didn’t even know it was possible to destroy an entire house with a granola bar.
Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 3, 2014
“Wait a minute…. I’m the parent here.”-me, about 30 times a day.
Carbosly (@Carbosly) October 17, 2015
Me: kids are in bed, let me go find something to wear without snot on it. Hubs: good luck!
Amanda Young (@amdyoung102) October 17, 2015
“Toughen up!” I yell to my kids from the car as they shiver on the field at soccer practice.
Amy Flory (@FunnyIsFamily) October 16, 2015
When your kid has an older friend over and you realize that you can get a chance to read you new magazine when she takes the kid to the park
Funny Mom Moments (@funnymommoments) September 27, 2015
…. When your son screams MOMMY at 2:45am and asks for something to drink.
JenellBStewart (@JenellBStewart) October 19, 2015
I’m not trying to sneak a nap. I’m playing an elaborate game of peek-a-boo. So don’t ruin it by trying to pry my eyes open.
The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) October 18, 2015
My kids are now 9 and 5, which raises the odds of me singing Dolly Parton lyrics by like 3000%.
Wendy S. (@maughammom) October 19, 2015
Parental math: 582 loads of laundry + toothpaste all over the bathroom = xx=Baileys in your coffee
YKIHAYHT (@YKIHAYHT) October 16, 2015
Being a Mom means you can yell at your kids in the car while not missing a lyric of your favorite song.
Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) October 19, 2015
Parenting is:85% pretending you know what you’re doing10% stepping on legos or marbles5% celebrating someone not crapping their pants.
Lea Grover (@bcmgsupermommy) September 27, 2015
Motherhood: I buy all the ingredients to make the food, and then I order pizza.
MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) October 1, 2015
Babies seem defenseless until you experience their velociraptor razor-sharp fingernails on your retinas.
Just Linda (@LindaInDisguise) October 16, 2015
I have a high follower* count.*the number of children that have surrounded me and are demanding snacks
Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) June 29, 2015
Guess what, you guys? According to 12, I am “like so uuugggghhh!” That means I’m winning at parenting, right?
Eat. Teach. Sleep (@Teacher_Lady208) October 19, 2015
The only jewelry in sight is baby teething necklace. Should I wear it to work? You’re right. #iliveontheedge
Nicole Weaver (@NDubWeaver) September 3, 2015
OMG, MY DAUGHTER IS DYING! Oh, my bad, it’s just her reaction to having to do a chore.
Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) December 17, 2014
Me: Why did you throw this shirt in the laundry if you only wore it for 1 hour?7: Because I knew you’d be mad if I threw it on the floor.
Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) October 13, 2015
My kids between 6 and 9:08 a.m.:[silence]9:09 a.m. when I pick up the phone to make a call: NO! STOP! GIVE IT BACK! THAT’S MINE! GIVE IT!!!
qwertygirl (@qwertygirl) August 24, 2015
“ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!”I yell to my family as they watch me attempt to fold the fitted bed sheets.
AussieAnnie (@MummaCrazy) June 14, 2015
90 percent of parenting is saying that’s so cool when you really mean shhhhhh.
Very Scary Reindeer (@KalvinMacleod) August 21, 2015
My cross fit training is me picking up my toddler and running him to the bathroom as fast as possible
Tired Working Mom (@WorkingMom86) August 22, 2015
What I say: “Taking a relaxing bath now”What 7 hears: “Feel free to barge in four times, but mostly when you need to have diarrhea”
Sarah (est. 1975) (@est1975blog) August 13, 2015
Everyone seems so happy for you until they realize your baby carrier is just filled with mozzarella sticks.
Sasshole (@RidiculousSheri) September 21, 2015
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