1. Buddy of mine hit it off with this girl and after a few days, she invited him over to a house party. “Sure” he says, what could go wrong? He shows up and is introduced to a few of her friends, all guys. As the night carries on, more and more guys show up and very few girls are actually at the party. After they start talking about how they all know this girl they find out that she invited them all from Tinder. Every guy was there not to hook up, but to populate this chick’s birthday party.
2. Tinder date with a “famous” chef where I was taken to a dive bar, where he promptly starting talking about how famous he was. We drank and watched sports, he proceeded to tell me “You’re cute” and this eventually went to “I am going to make you bleed.” He then invited one of his friends to come along. I went outside and he came up to kiss me. I was drunk, so I kissed back. Eventually he proceeded to tell me how he was “being charged with battering his ex-girlfriend, but he totally didn’t do it.” Eventually when it came time to pay the bill, “he lost his wallet.” Of course, I get stuck with it. “I’ll pay you back.”. (Needless to say I never got a payment). Then he leaned up against me. I thought he was trying to kiss me again, but I looked down, and he was peeing on me. In the street. Peeing. On. Me. I swiftly, being too inebriated to drive, went and got myself a hotel room and a hot shower. Never again.
3. Showed up to the restaurant, waited about 30 minutes. Ordered myself some food and was about to leave when he texted me: “there’s a liquor store across the street from the restaurant, can you pick me up 2 six packs?” I told him I wouldn’t. He says he’s decided to play frisbee with his dog instead. Deleted app, went to liquor store, picked up wine and went home. He texted me for a month or so after to tell me he’s just bought tickets to see me dance (I’m a retired ballerina, haven’t been in anything for a few years). Then he texts me an hour after and tells me how great I was on stage. I never responded. Dating is too confusing. I’m all done.
4. I started talking to this really sweet guy for about two weeks and things were going well. Then I started getting calls from this girl, who he claimed was his crazy roommate that was in love with him and kept trying to get him fired from jobs. Turns out, she wasnt the one lying, she was actually his live-in girlfriend, and they had moved here together from a different state. Apparently he wasnt actually a citizen, and was trying to obtain papers. Thanks, Tinder.
5. There was this guy, he was a solid 10 in his pictures. He messages me, asks me if I want to meet up for coffee, so I say yes. He messages me and tells me that I have to pick him up… Okay whatever, I’ll do it. I pick him up, and we decided to go eat instead, he’s super funny and cute so we hangout some more after dinner. Then he pulls out his phone and proceeds to tell me that he has a son and his baby momma took of to Washington (but has no idea what part or anything) with him and he hasn’t seen him in months. So he then takes out his phone and tells me to go through a folder on his phone of pictures of his son. Like 300 of them. He sat there and made me look through every single one, and he would tell me the back story to basically every single video and photo in that folder. I felt so bad, but man I was happy when he left. That whole date just got so weird after that, he did some more stuff but those are good stories for another time lol
6. Met girl, she was quite vocal about ‘no hookups’. We went out, got drunk, she used the line ‘want to come back to mine and put your penis in my vagina?’, so I did. Just as we started she said ‘oh I love you, I love you, do you love me too?’, I didn’t reply, I just thought ‘concentrate.. concentrate..’ It was a good night, but then she got really demanding and argumentative. It takes me a while to get used to starting to see someone, I like to get to know them a bit. She was talking about kids within a day of meeting me and I wasn’t quite ready for that conversation.. Then she got really shitty that I wasn’t as committed as her, called me all sorts of names and said that I shouldn’t be on Tinder if I wasn’t going to take our relationship seriously. It was a whirlwind.. It felt like a year’s worth of emotion bundled into about 3 days. I deactivated my account and stuck with masturbation.
7. This was back when tinder first came out and wasn’t quite as known as a hookup app. We met and had a great first date. Second date was even better. Things kept going for about 2 months when she told me she went out with me originally in an attempt for a Dinner with Schmucks type thing where her and all her friends would bring the worst Tinder date. We both really liked each other, but I couldn’t get over how we started.
8. I dated someone I met from tinder for a month. Seemed good on paper: masters student, yoga teacher, cultured, etc. Found out she was doing heroin and didn’t consider that a big problem. I actually had to explain to her the definition of a high functioning addict because she felt that having a job and going to school meant the heroin thing wasn’t a problem. We broke up and she went back to her junky ex-bf. Bullet dodged.
9. Finally. Started seeing a girl off tinder. It was going well for about two weeks and thought she was pretty cool. Then things started getting weird. She used to always joke about killing me. I thought it was okay the first few times but then it got annoying. I told her to stop and she kept doing it. Idk if it was because she thought it was funny that it freaked me out or what. Anyways told me she has a shotgun in her room. Yikes. Long story short I told her I didn’t want to see her anymore. She didn’t like that. For the next three weeks she’s absolutely hounding me. Calls me constantly, shows up at my work asking for me, keeps coming over to my apartment. She actually knocked on my door for 30 minutes. When I didn’t answer she went around back and started knocking on my bedroom window. Got really concerned for awhile but eventually she gave up.
10. I met up with this guy I had been talking to a few weeks. Tall dark and handsome, originally from Turkey, world traveler, etc. Anyway, we meet up for sushi and things are going great, tons of stuff in common and then it was like a fucking PSYCHO switch flipped. He started talking about how now that we were going out, I couldn’t wear nail polish because he got weirded out holding hands with someone who wore nail polish and how he wanted to have a daughter but freeze her in time at the age of 4 so that she’d always be a Daddys girl and love him forever and how when we got old we’d have to have sex with the lights off since I’d be wrinkly and unattractive and just went on and on. I literally just stared at him speechless and tried to get through the date expecting, at the very least, a free meal. But noooooo, no free meal. In fact, more expensive meal. This guy had the nerve to ask the waitress to split the check when he ordered twice what I had! We paid, I stormed out, and never talked to him again.