From lying about going to a bartending competition to skip a date , to lying to parents and friends about still attending university, people share the longest running lie theyve ever told.
[Source can be found at the end of the article]
I was seeing this girl once back in college that was also a workout buddy after our classes. She had REALLY bad body odor when she got to sweating but we are in the gym a lot so of course its going to happen.
However instead of just telling her about it I told her I could never notice it because I didnt have a sense of smell. Well this lie spread from this one girl all the way to my family that STILL believes that I dont have a sense of smell. Its been 8 years and I still cant add to any conversations about the smell of rain or a new candle that somebody bought.
Im in too deep at this point so Im going to ride this out till they put me in the ground.
I wrote erotica for many years before I switched over to romance novels — glorious filth that basically allowed me to pay off my student loans. If anyone in my family asks, I was writing corporate reports.
No one has ever asked me what a ‘corporate report’ is, thankfully, because I’m pretty sure my response would be something along the lines of ‘… you know, it’s business stuff, for businesses,’ followed by me repeating the word synergy until they went away.
At the beginning of the year in school, we were all supposed to tell the class one interesting thing we had done over the summer, and I of course had stayed home and done nothing all summer. I didnt want everyone else to know that, so when it came my turn I just made something up. For some reason the first thing that came to my head was Africa, and thats what I said; that I went to Africa. For years Ive had to remember who heard that, and to keep my lie going. It has been the most stressful thing Ive ever done. At least Africa was nice though.
I don’t really do it anymore, but for years in middle and high school I would tell everyone that me and another kid were related since we had the same last name. It annoyed him.
I’m pretty good friends with a colleague that teaches the same group of kids that I do. One day in class, I made an off the cuff comment about how we don’t get along. The kids believed it, so I went with it and texted her to go along with it too. We kept it going for almost two years with the kids openly badmouthing each of us in the other’s classes.
When I first started dating my ex-wife, I told her my little brother was Samoan. This is because though he is six years younger than me, he is about 6″ taller, much broader, and his hair is WAY dark, compared to the rest of the family.
She didn’t think anything of it. She met my brother. She even understood that we both had the same parents. It just never clicked with her. She would bring it up occasionally and I’d just go along with it.
Eventually she brought it up at a family dinner and my whole family was like “What?”
Then we got divorced.
Basically telling my parent how everything is going in university. Theyve been pressuring me for months about it so if they found out I’ve done nothing with myself for almost 2 months they’d just be disappointed. “yeah, I’m doing fine, yeah I’m going out and not just staying in all the time, yeah I have friends.
That losing an arm didn’t affect me that much (it’s now been 8 or 9 years I’ve lost it.)
I was such a good liar even I believed it at some point. Then I had to make the choice of putting down my dog, or letting him suffer to his death, after a 4 hours long stroke. But you know, I’m a man. Then my girlfriend left me. I was distant and detached from my feelings, and she found someone who was more in tune with her, throwing a 10 year relationship to the side. At first I just shrugged. I was able to survive on my own. But slowly the mask shattered.
My ex, and a friend I confided in saw behind the mask when I was at my lowest, but most friends and family still think everything is fine, and I was more aggravated for the doctors cutting my hair than my arm.
One day when I was 8, I was in the car with my dad and the song Rock and Rock All Nite by Kiss came on the radio and I decided to sing along to it. I knew my dad loved classic rock and I figured it would be nice to share a moment with him. He took it as me being spontaneously inspired by the music and he still brings it up 16 years later.
Best not to tell him I was throwing him a bone at the time.
A friend of mine and I who go to the same college constantly tell people we’re siblings because we look alike. We have like at least 10 people who believe it now.
Funniest part is that my actual sister goes to the same college as well.
I had a strange Spanish teacher. She was extremely gullible and might have been too old for teaching. One day she called roll and I told her my name was Billy and that my real name was just my twin brother. Everyone in class went along with it. For 3 years I would put a jacket on when I was me and take it off when I was Billy. Teachers would send appreciation letters to us occasionally and I have 2: one for me and one for Billy. I’m not sure if I found it funny or if I was hurt when she came to see Billy’s graduation and not mine.
“Every single day before work I go to my local coffee shop to grab a coffee to go, this particular chain gives out a small cookie free with every coffee. I’m allergic to dairy and therefore can’t eat said cookie. The first few times I got coffee here I just accepted the cookie as I wanted to be polite and I just threw it out once I got out of the cafe. Now it’s been over a year, all the baristas know me and I can’t bring myself to tell them to keep their cookie.”
I lied about going to a bartending competition as an excuse to not go on a date in 1991. I realized that I was still telling it 15 years later to people it had absolutely no bearing on. I had told the lie so many times that it became ingrained as part of my story. I literally stopped myself in mid-sentence and said, “Wait! No I didn’t! I totally lied about that” and hence released the untruth from myself forever! Ah. Okay, really it was no burden, I thought it was kind of funny to be thoughtlessly still lying about something completely insignificant so many years later.
This is going to sound super pathetic. My 3 best friends have great relationships with theses amazing girls, and my friends use to give me quite a bit of crap because I have never dated anyone and I have only texted maybe 5 girls in my life. Now that I’m in college, I still struggle talking to women (I’m great at talking just never feel like it’s the right time,) and I tell my 3 closest friends that I’m talking to a very attractive girl and I have been telling them this for a year (and they believe me).
I’ve never had a real job. My parents, and almost everyone I know thinks I work as a fry cook at Kentucky Fried Chicken near my house (I’m only in high school so this isn’t devastating). The truth is that I make my money in ways I’d rather not discuss on the internet. My parents both pushed me to get a job when they saw that KFC was hiring for $11 an hour. They even threatened to take me off their insurance policy if I didn’t have a job. (I’ve always had to pay my own car insurance as is.) I got so sick of the nagging that I finally told them I had an interview which was followed by telling them I got hired. Every Tuesday and Wednesday from 4-9 and every Saturday from 11-5 I tell them I’m at work and generally I am doing work, just not at KFC.
In 3rd grade a girl moved to my school and instantly I had the biggest crush on her. When we got to talking she was convinced that she knew me from her old school. 3rd grade logic was to lie and say that I did go there and just moved as well. It started as just a quick “yeah that was me,” so that her and I would have something to talk about but quickly progressed into elaborate stories about other classmates or teachers there and even included stories about our “play dates” that we had. This went on extensively from 3rd grade until 10th grade when I moved away…
When I was in AP Biology in high school, I had a really difficult time reading litmus tests. I think the lighting at my lab station must have been off, because my answer was always incorrect. I was so frustrated that I ended up telling the teacher I was color blind. Because it was AP Bio, she ended up making an example of me when it came time to demonstrate hereditary traits.
In kindergarten, a friend of mine and I found one of those old stove kettles you boil water with outside on the playground. We filled it with wet sand to make it heavy, and decided to throw it high in the air towards each other (So much fun). What you think was bound to happen… it happened… I got it RIGHT in the head, which cracked my skull open and has now given me a scar. However, I tell people that I was playing in the nearby sand box, and some guy thought it’d be fun throwing around that kettle which then hit me in the head. I feel so bad, that to this day, cannot admit I was actually a part of it myself. My very close friend is the only person in the world I’ve told the true story to (about 10 years after it happened).
I was messing around with my friends who do physics telling them that I did it as well. Just that I didn’t have class at the same time as them as I had biology then. I was pretty dedicated to the joke for a while, going to their class at the end to collect homework assignments from the teacher and asking questions. It was all made easier by having my friend who was in on the joke in the class. Anyway, I kind of forgot about it and then recently we had a project in school where one student from each science was supposed to form a group to do a project. I was selected as the physics student for one of the groups… confusion and then sudden flash backs to the prank.
Lie: I’m allergic to chocolate.
I just really really really really hate the taste. I will throw up, but it’s not an allergy.
Turns out it’s infinitely easier to say you’re allergic. People are more sympathetic, and also much more likely to remember. No need to go through endless moments of “Hey, do you want some of this?” “Still don’t like it.” “Are you sure? When did you last try? Tastebuds change you know. This is different, not that [opposite adjective] stuff.
That I graduated college.
I’m currently in my seventh year of college and not done. I reached the end of my fourth year, still a freshman by credits, having exploited a loophole where if I dropped a class before some ridiculously late date, it wouldn’t count towards my GPA. Eventually, the university closed that loophole though and dropped me.
After that, I’ve been doing much better, but my family and friend group are full of some pretty academically minded people. And for those four years I was spinning my wheels I made it seem like I was too. The fact that I was taking a fifth year was something of an embarrassment for me. My friends were jerks about it, and my family wasn’t much better. When faced with the prospect of taking a sixth year, I just told everyone that I had graduated, switched myself to online classes, and have been going to school in secret for the past two years.
When we were younger, we convinced my step brother he was an alien for about 7 years. He was one of those kids who had a huge head compared to his body and he was very annoying… and we were pretty savage. We said there were weird lights in the sky then his parents found him on the front lawn. His sister backed this up. We also would ask him if he remembered being born, and when he said no we would say we all remembered being born. It messed him up for years. He finally stopped believing it around junior high.
One day, long ago, my mom, brother and I went to visit my grandma. On the way home, we found a puppy on the side of the road and brought it home with us. We had that dog for like, 12-14 Years (he passed away last July). He was a HUGE German Shepherd, like, 6 long from snout to the end of his tail. He was as big as our St. Bernard. Because my grandma lives in the mountain area (we live in the foothills), so we would always joke that he was a wolf or something that we just brought home.
Nope. My mom took me and my brother to the pound that day to pick out a puppy because she wanted one. Only us three (and the internet) know, and we still havent told our dad or our other siblings.
When my sister and I were kids, we were sleeping on an inflatable mattress at home. We had just gotten back from the seaside and weren’t quite ready to part with it so we got to sleep on it one last night.
Well, rather then sleep, we were playing, jumping, etc, and at one point my sister jumped and broke a vase that my parents had gotten as a present when they got married from close friends. It always had candy in it.
My mom rushed in, my sister started crying, and I immediately started apologizing, saying how I accidentally knocked it over, I didn’t mean to, etc. I got my butt chewed out for that, but my (younger) sister just kept crying.
The mattress was immediately taken away of course and we went to bed.
Now, it’s 20 years later, my parents still think that I was the one who broke it. When we get together, one of us will sometimes mention it in passing.
Many years ago, back in our teenage years, my younger sister landed her first job and was so proud that she was able to use her own money to buy Christmas presents for her siblings. While not extravagant, her gift to me was a box of chocolate-covered mints.
Now, I’m not a big fan of said mints, but I could see how much it meant to her so I pretended like they were delicious. Like, full on savouring every bite. I’m talking some Meryl Streep-level acting. So much so, that I finished the box in minutes flat.
This made such an impression on her, that she has bought the same chocolate-covered mints for me very year since. It’s been almost 30 years that I’ve kept up the charade.
This is where it gets dark. About 5 years ago, I met my wife. On our first Christmas together, she’s looking for cute ideas on what to buy me. Cue her talking to my family and it comes out how much I love chocolate covered mints. I get them every year, my sister says, and always finish the box before eating breakfast. Wife thinks this is a perfect way to celebrate our first holiday together – a little taste of home.
Now, for the past five years, the lie I had only had to live through on Christmas has become the living light of each and every week. No one knows my secret shame. Anytime my wife wants to surprise me with a sweet? chocolate-covered mints.