I hope you find the following p(h)unny. Ha. Get it…”P(h)un-ny” instead of “Fun-ny” because this article is about puns.
It was that bad of a joke, huh? I’ll be sure to never quit my day job to become a comedienne. (Although, I’m actually funny in real life. I promise).
Interested in reading more wordplay? Take a look at the original source(s) at the end of the article.
“Oscar Wilde once bragged that he can come up with a pun for any subject. One of his friends, thinking he wouldn’t risk offending royalty, shouted ‘Really? What about the Queen?’
He replied, ‘The Queen is not a subject!’ “
“I tried to catch some fog once, but I mist.
My science class went on a field trip to a pencil factory, but I didn’t really see the point.
When eating out with friends, I never order seafood. I don’t want to seem shellfish.
When some missionaries visited the tribe of cannibals, the cannibals got their first taste of religion.
I’m dating the girl across the street, but I still don’t see why some people complain about lawn distance relationships.
My dad got fired from the calendar factory. Apparently, they don’t like when people take a day off.
Ask me if you want more, I got a pun of these left.”
“I don’t know, because I once entered a pun contest. You could send in as many entries as you liked. I sent ten in. Didn’t win.
No pun in ten did.”
“When you think about it, shovels were truly a ground-breaking invention.
On one hand, single edged swords have a sharp edge and a point for lethality, but if swung the wrong way amidst chaos, the blunt edge won’t do much damage to your enemy, which might cost you your life.
They’re really a double edged sword.”
“One atom bumped into another walking down the road. ‘Oh no!’it said.
‘I’ve lost an electron.’ “Are you sure?” ‘I’m positive!’
What do you call a circle of iron (II) ions? A ferrous wheel!
Yeah, I like my nerdy science puns.”
“‘I dropped my toothpaste!’
Tom exclaimed, crestfallen.”
“Why couldn’t the bike stand on its own?
Because it was two-tired.
And what’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?
“What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin’ catholic
And what do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin Mobile.”
“I went to see a theatrical performance on puns the other day. It was really just a play on words.”
“Want to hear a joke about perforated paper?
Oh never mind, it’s tearable.”
My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the zoo.
“The man who survived pepper spray and mustard gas is now a seasoned veteran.”
“Did you hear about the police station that had its toilet stolen?
The cops have nothing to go on.
All that’s left is a hole in the floor.
They’re looking into it.”
“I knew I was destined to be a psychologist not a magician when I pulled a habit out of a rat.”
“I thought my nose was bleeding, but it’s not.”
“I only know 25 letters of the alphabet and I don’t know why.”
“My dad farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels.”
“I used to be addicted to soap but I’m clean now.”
“Time flies like an arrow…but fruit flies like a banana.”
“She told me I was average, but she was just being mean.”
“A new type of broom came out. It’s sweeping the nation.
And have you heard about the new corduroy pillow? It’s making head lines everywhere!”
“When life gives you melons, you’re dyslexic.”