It’s a ‘hard knock life’ out here as an awkward individual. We’ve got to try our upmost best to avoid making others feel uncomfortable while simultaneously adding to our list of cringe-worthy offences.
Interested in reading more awkward experiences? You can find the original thread source at the end of the article.
“This was over 20 years ago, but still makes me cringe like crazy. It happened during Spanish class in high school. Its beginner Spanish, so we were going over adjectives and reading sentences from the book out loud.
One of the sentences says something like, ‘Maria es gorda y guapa.” (Maria is big and pretty.) A chorus of immature 15-year-old giggles commences after that. I stay out of it because I’m bigger than the other girls. The teacher stops us and says the two are not mutually exclusive, to which the guy next to me loudly mumbles, ‘Yes it is.’
And the teacher gets livid.
She spends about the next five minutes lecturing us on how saying such a thing could cause someone to commit suicide and how we all need to grow up. At the end, she points right at me, thinking I’m the one who said it and says, “And you’re really not one to talk!”
Then all you can hear is thunderous, roaring laughter from the whole class. I never wanted to just disappear more than at that moment. I can still feel a pain in my chest when I think back to it.”
“When I was 15 I was trying to get a weekend job in a pet store.
The owner asked me if I was flexible and my reply was, ‘yes, of course, I’ve done yoga for years.’
It’s been 13 years and I still think about that moment. My brains way of embarrassing me at random moments ‘hey, remember that time you were a total idiot?!’ “
“It was during the winter time in kindergarten. I came in from recess, took off my toque, mitts, coat, snow boots, snow pants, and pants…
It’s my very first school memory and everything I think of it it plays in full high-definition, with surround sound.”
“The time I worked in retail, and I was looking for an empty dressing room to put a customer in.
I walked up to the door, knocked on it and got no answer. So, I unlocked the door and open it to reveal a man with his pants half way down. Clearly he was trying a pair of pants on and Ive just interrupted him.
We both just stare at each other for a second and I say, ‘they look great!’ and abruptly closed the door.”
“I was like 6-years-old and in this real fancy hotel playing with some other kids my age, including this one girl that was really cute (and I had one of those kid crushes, you know the ones).
When it was time to go, my parents called me over and instead of saying goodbye to the girl like a normal human being I grabbed her by the waist and whispered in her ear ‘hasta la vista baby’ and ran to my parents.”
“In the first grade I went to a new friend’s house. He was kind of the cool rich kid but he really nice though.
Anyways, we went swimming and chilled in the hot tub afterwards. Something about the bubbles and heat loosened the apparent toxic sludge that had formed in my bowels unbeknownst to me.
I leaped out of the hot tub and ran in the house and down the hallway to the bathroom.
Oh God, the carpet was so new and white like the virgin snow…dotted with black feces.
I was wearing swim trunks, thus there was no barrier to trap the waste, so it ran down my leg and on to the fresh, white carpet.
I never forgot about that and I still see the guy around town every once in a while. I avoid him in the grocery store and I’m 24.”
“I was either in first or second grade when this happened. Anyway our gym teacher was testing us by making us perform sit-ups. We were grouped in pairs and when it was my turn my partner was holding my ankles and foot.
I did it but every time I did, I would fart and it wasn’t one of those silent farts. No it made a sound but stupid me didn’t want to stop and neither did the farts.”
“In second grade during bathroom break, I had to go pee but all the stalls were shut.
So I looked inside the crack of a stall and this popular girl in my class was on the toilet. And I said ‘hi’ and when she came out the stall she told me that I can’t just look at her while she’s using the bathroom.
Now that I reflect on that, I was creepy as heck.”
“I went to an audition for a renaissance fair. I didn’t even want to but my mom pressured me into going. She told me that you had to be in costume. The audition was at a country club.
I showed up in full cheap costume and couldn’t find the audition. I walked around the entire country club looking for the audition while people laughed at me.
I finally got to the audition and they were trying so hard not to laugh at me. They told me to fill out some paperwork in the other room and the guy gave me a really nice pen. He specifically told me not to lose the pen because it was expensive. I left with that guy’s pen.
So, in some ways that day, I won?”
“I made the mistake in middle school to wear white jeans. Everyone of my ‘friends’ kept laughing and whispering behind my back the entire day.
It wasnt until my last class a girl I sat with was kind enough to tell me I had period blood on my pants, and gave me her hoodie to tie around my waist. I had given presentations in 3 classes that day so everyone in my classes knew I was on my period.
Luckily, it was a lighter flow day and it wasnt like a murder scene.
My mom let me stay home from school for the remainder of my period and I lost all my friends in the process because they were jerks.
But now Im best friends with the girl who gave me her hoodie so Ive got that going for me.
Also, I will be ‘pouring one out for the homies’ tonight in memory of all the ruined pants out there that never stood a chance in the fight against early womanhood. Solidarity sisters!”
“At the age of 7 I went to kiss my 4-year-old sister goodnight and tried to give her a “French kiss” by putting my tongue into her mouth (I had seen it on T.V).
My dad pulled me away and my sister cried. We have not mentioned it. EVER.
I’m also a gay male.”
“When I was 9, my friend and I knocked at our 16-year-old neighbours’ house to see if we could play his Nintendo. My friend said that we didn’t want to make it too obvious so we should knock and ask if he wanted to play Gameboy with us (we all had Gameboys at the time).
So we knock on the door and my friend goes, ‘Hey, we were wondering if you’d like to play Gameboy with us.’
I, thinking this was far too subtle, chimed in with, ‘Or as I like to call them… NINTENDO DEVICES.’
They both stared at me for a second and my friend made a ‘what the heck’ face at me, then the older dude laughed and asked if we’d like to play his Nintendo.
I had one go on Mario and was killed by that first freaking Goomba. I wasn’t really paying attention as I was too busy thinking about how much of a jerk I’d made of myself.
To this day, I can’t play the first level of Mario without cringing.”
“I was 15-year-old virgin.
An attractive older girl ‘liked me’…she had a bit of a ‘reputation’…
and her friend was seeing one of my friends.
A double date was set and the night before 4 of us (lads) camped out for the night.
The mates spent the night telling me that I was going to lose my virginity tomorrow…that she was very experienced…that I better perform well…etc.
Which left me frankly terrified by the next morning.
So I was going to cancel but one of my friends ‘helpfully’ made the brilliant suggestion of a bit of ‘dutch courage’ to give me a little confidence.
So I drank a bottle of Malibu.
The rest of the story is a bit of a blur but I do vaguely remember walking around with my junk hanging out expecting her to be overcome with passion.
Needless to say I never got anywhere with her.
Embarrassingly she still lives near me and I’ve bumped into her a few times whilst shopping with my family.”
“The day I asked my mom and dad for a ‘vibrator’ for my 12th birthday.
Because I thought that’s what those cuddly toys that zoomed around when you pulled the string were called.”
“I was an extremely unattractive teen. I had a bad overbite, bad hair, huge glasses, baby weight – most of which I believe were not a good look for a 13-year-old girl.
Anyhow, our school had a poetry contest, where people stood up and read their favorite poems. I couldn’t find a poem I liked, so I wrote one about falling in love with a beautiful boy.
God help me, I can even remember the beginning:
The world is filled with beautiful sounds,
The rain falling,
leaves falling to the ground.
Then comes love,
that beautiful joy.
The moment you meet that wonderful boy.
It’s been almost 40 years. I can’t remember where I put my car keys last night, but I can remember the damned poem that I read out loud while my classmates laughed at me.”
“There was a girl in my marine class I wanted to impress.
So my professor asked how I knew about the coelacanth. In order to show the girl I’m extra, confident, and passionate I said word for word ‘animal crossing!’
No one in that class knew what animal crossing was and I had to awkwardly mumble that it’s a video game for like 5 minutes that felt like 5 hours. I got ‘what a loser’ glances from half the class.
Lucky for me the girl thought it was cute and endearing.”
“I was 13-years-old. I was teaching my 50-year-old large breasted full-bodied home-economics teacher to play chess.
I kept staring at her cleavage while talking to her. In my defence, I had recently read that it is normal for men to look at women’s breasts. Clearly I mistook looking for staring. I thought it was normal at the time but looking back I remember her trying to get me to look at her face instead of what I was obviously concentrated on.
It makes me cringe 9 years later and I hope I never see that woman again.”
“My husband (boyfriend at the time) and I were going to stay at his sisters house for a couple nights while they were out of town. Her husbands uncle lives there too, but he was out of town for the weekend.
Well, we got intimate in the shower (and werent particularly quiet, since the house was empty) and in the bedroom as well.
The next morning, we discover uncle was home the whole time. His room also happens to share a wall with the bathroom.”