Now, this is a judge free zone. So all of your embarrassingly moronic moments and stories are safe with me. Although, they are now published on the unforgiving internet…so good luck with that.
Care to read more stories? You can find the original source thread at the end of the article.
“I wanted to be cute and surprise an ex of mine on her way home from work. I ran up and hugged her from behind.
This would have been a sweet gesture if she didn’t live in a shady, dark alley in a bad neighborhood. When I put my hands on her, she freaked out and pepper sprayed me in the face.”
“One time my dad and I were going to the construction site where we were working at. We bought some water and some ice to put in the cooler for the rest of the guys.
When he told me to put the water in the cooler once we got there, I opened a bottle of water and poured it in the cooler. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a look of greater disappointment than that in my entire life.”
“I must have been in the 3rd grade. During lunch hour I noticed a commotion – another kid had gotten his leg stuck in between a pipe and the wall, and teachers were trying to pull him out. It took them around half an hour but they finally managed to coax his knee out of the gap.
I remember thinking, ‘that’s pretty dumb, if you can get your leg in shouldn’t you be able to get it out?”
sticks leg in
“I was driving to another town for the first time. I was young and had only had my license for maybe a year. It started pouring rain so people were pulling over. I am freaking out saying it’s so dark I can’t see anything. I look at my boyfriend at the time and he reaches over and takes off my sunglasses. Yea, then I could see.”
“When I was 12, I used Vicks Vaporub as lube to stroke the good ol’ willy cause I didn’t have any lotion.
“I jumped out of a speeding motor boat to impress a girl.
And I nearly died.”
“I put my shoes in the fridge.
I was distracted.”
“Two hours ago I took my car to a drive through car wash. I was looking and decided not much water was coming out sooooo, I opened my window. Closed it real quick when gallons of water started gushing in.
Okay, so it wasn’t my smartest moment.”
“When I was 10, I got an egg out of the refrigerator and sat on it for a good 2 hours waiting for it to hatch…”
“I was about 4 or 5 years old and I was using the bathroom. On the window sill I noticed a curious creature I had never seen before.
I loved animals as a child and was very friendly towards them, so I proceeded to pet it…
It was a wasp.”
“Last week my T.V died, so I went out and got a new T.V on Black Friday sale prices.
I came home, and take down my old T.V to put up the new one. It turns out the plug had fallen out the back of it, and it worked just fine.
Thankfully Best Buy does refunds.”
“I tried to put out a grease fire on the stove with a salt shaker. I burned down part of the kitchen.
I was 14 when this happened and I now have a PhD, but my family never let’s me forget how ‘smart’ I was that day.”
“My wife and I like to scare each other and one day at the supermarket I had the perfect opportunity.
She had the trolley and had sent me away to grab something. I got it and then found her again but, instead of just going up to her, I quietly walked up behind her, put my hand over her mouth and said, ‘Guess who’.
It wasn’t her. It was a completely different woman who looked a little bit like her from the back. This woman screamed into my hand. I literally ran out of the shop. I didn’t try to explain or look for my wife, I just ran away.”
“You know the episode of Spongebob where he draws whats basically an evil twin of himself and names him Doodlebob?
Yeah…I got that tattooed on my behind.”
“When I was five I had a stick. So being the adventurous 5-year-old I was, I took it and started digging in the front lawn of the condominium I lived in.
I thought if I dug deep enough I would see space. I got bored and disappointed when I didn’t see it once I got two inches deep.”
“On three separate occasions. Firstly, I stained a carpet and tried to clean up with straight bleach. It wasn’t even a white carpet. The damn thing was medium to dark blue.
This one might be even be worse than the first. I figured it would be a good idea to flush what I scooped out of the litter box down the toilet. I learned that cat waste, clumping litter and toilet water would create a kind of crap concrete that will severely screw up your pipes.
And lastly,but surely not lease. I was playing board games and drinking with some friends. I knocked my glass over, drenching the game and breaking the glass.
Flustered with embarrassment, I stood the broken glass back up and started to clean the mess. A piece of glass had fallen to the floor. I quickly reached down for it, jamming my face into the jagged broken wine glass. There was a lot of blood everywhere, but I didn’t need stitches.”
“I fell off a ski lift whilst trying to flirt with the girls on the next chair back.”
“I set the treadmill to a pretty fast speed, thinking I could jump on it and start running at that speed right away.
I fell down immediately and tore the skin off one of my knees. It even did that strange thing where the surface of the knee is completely white before it started to bleed like heck.”
“I scrapped the ice off my dad’s car…with my boots.
Thankfully, it was white AND a rental car, so the dealership didn’t notice the dozens of tiny dents I had accidentally pounded into the car.
I was 12, and I think we can all agree we were total imbeciles at that age.”
“I sent an anonymous secret admirer email to a girl I liked, and kept my real name in the email header.”
“I wasn’t very bright in middle school. I was having a sleepover with my equally not bright friends in 7th grade.
It was about midnight and we were bored of playing gears of war. We decided to go walk to the pool on the other side of his neighborhood. On the walk there my friend’s older brother says ‘lets throw all the furniture into the pool.’
We jump the fence and toss all the furniture in the pool, including big tables and pool chairs.
There was a cop sitting in the dark part of the parking lot watching for speeders. As we’re throwing the last table in, my friend notices the cop standing at the gate, hops the other side of the fence and runs into the woods. So it’s just me and his older brother now.
The cop comes in and makes us get in the pool to get all the furniture out. It was like 50 degrees out.
My friends older brother was crying the whole time and ratted on his little brother instead of just saying it was some random kid we met up with. That snitch. The cop walked us back to their house and told his mom. My dad came and got me and didn’t really care. He thought it was pretty funny.”
Points were edited for clarity.