People Share The Dumbest Things They've Heard Someone Say

Think before you speak. Unfortunately, the following individuals seem to have forgotten how to do that before they went on to speak these ridiculous statements out loud. Check out the answers from this AskReddit thread that (seriously) asked people: “What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard somebody say?”

Source list available at the end.

“I watched a friend of mine chain smoke about five cigarettes the morning after a big party. I told him to ease up and that he was going to hurt himself. His reply, ‘What about the amount of Coke you drink? Imagine what your lungs look like!’ I almost coughed one up laughing.”

Onefingertyper

“This was said by my friend’s girlfriend while she was sitting next to us on the couch the morning after a night out drinking. We were all kind of tired and just watching some TV, but had decided to order some food. We were watching football and paused the DVR, and she absolutely (in 100% seriousness) asked, ‘Hey, that doesnt seem right. Doesnt that stop it for everyone?’ We were left speechless.”

kewidogg

“I can always tell when they’re using a real dinosaur or not.”

DragonWizardKing

“I don’t read any books because reading causes Alzheimers!”

AbstractActa

“While working at a frozen yogurt shop, someone once asked my coworker what the difference between coconut and vanilla was. He simply replied with, ‘One is coconut-flavored, and the other is vanilla.'”

MacroUsb

“A guy I used to date as a teenager believed that bunnies laid eggs largely due to his misinterpretation of popular Easter decorations.”

get2twerk

“I had a coworker who honestly thought you couldn’t drive to Mexico because the black line on Google maps were so thick they were marking a barrier (That was 5 years ago, and she was in her early 30’s).

She also thought that there were only two timezones because that was how the TV told her when to watch.

She also believed that elevation was directly related to placement on the globe, therefore, further north meant you were higher up.”

devilsadidas

“Customer: ‘Hey, what are these black things on my sushi rolls?’

Server: ‘Uh, I don’t know. I’ll ask the kitchen.’

I can overhear the kitchen staff saying,”… You mean the black sesame seeds?”

The server then heads back to their table, and I guess not wanting to appear racist, he tells the customer, ‘Those are African American sesame seeds.'”

stunspore

“As a former zookeeper, I once overheard (next to the cheetah exhibit) someone say, ‘These animals aren’t dangerous. If they were, they wouldn’t be able to keep them in a zoo.”

A coworker of mine once had to insist that the Dromedary Camel was indeed a camel, despite having only one hump, unlike its cartoon representative.’

There were also years of tense discussions with vegans who claimed they knew more about the nutritional habits of animals and human beings than I did.

MikeyHatesLife

“My fear is that the whole island will become so overly populated that it will tip over and capsize (said by Rep. Hank Johnson on the island of Guam).”

DaveNay

“The Sun is a Sun, and not a star.”

Thine_Captain

“I met this girl once who said that she was vegan.

I was like, ‘Okay, that’s cool.’

She didn’t mention it a lot (maybe just once). So, I was completely okay with everything. However, then she took out a sandwich and started eating it with HAM and CHEESE both clearly visible.

I just asked, ‘Didn’t you say you were a vegan?’

Her response (all super seriously in a semi-judgmental tone), ‘I’m vegan, but I eat fish, chicken, eggs, and milk products.’

I just lost it.”

KawaiiRuby

“I knew a guy who wasn’t the brightest bulb in the bunch. After extensively helping him build a resume, I saw him emailing said resume to the HR in NYC. I asked him if he wanted to work for the city, but unfortunately he thought that every company and business in NYC went through one HR department. He also thought the CC for emails stood for ‘Closed Caption’ because a deaf person couldn’t read the email.”

zakzuk

“An adorable one. My daughter came home from school one day and told me that she was her Spanish teachers favorite student. I asked her to elaborate, and my daughter said that she was the only one who ever actually spoke in Spanish to her teacher.

At the end of class when the bell rings, Seora Ruiz always says, ‘Adios!’ and I say, ‘Sayonara!’ Then she always laughs and says, ‘Youre my favorite!'”

Wishyouamerry

“‘Why should I have to help you pay rent? I work for my money!’ said my (former) roommate before I had to ask her to move out because she didn’t want to pay her share.”

The-Bent

“I worked as a tutor at a walk-in math tutoring lab. These two girls came in to do their homework. One of them said to the other, ‘Make sure you turn the heat up in your car after your tanning appointment. Itll help hold the tan better, just like when you bake things.’ I then had to help them with their math homework for 2 hours. Yeah, not fun.”

ChebWhiskey

“These twin sisters (who played volleyball together) went to sign up for a team and some 3o-year-old guy was like, ‘What? Twins are for real? I thought they were only in movies!?’ He even asked them if he could take a photo of them.”

DiomaNoir

“There was this one girl in my high school who asked the teacher what all the blue on the world map was. I thought she was joking, but after a minute, it became painfully clear that she was being serious. She also thought there were only five planets in our solar system.”

Manatee-Cha

“I went to the Renaissance Fair with some acquaintances. Some people were wearing these ‘elf ears’ that were pointy. This girl turned to me and asked, ‘Is that how peoples ears used to look?'”

jpants361

“‘Why do I even need this class?’ (a mechanical engineering student in calculus).”

GarraOfTheFunk3

“I argued with a friend of mine telling him that birds are not mammals. It took a full 20 minutes until he finally googled it and realized his error. He was also the same person who told me that whales are fish though.”

-VERY-MOIST-MEAT

“I’m nationally certified which means I can do it anywhere in the world.”

C3-RIO

“Back in middle school, there was this girl that was completely clueless about anything that dealt with science. One day in science class, our teacher was explaining the geocentric (Earth is the center) and heliocentric (Sun-centered) models of the solar system. After everything was explained, the aforementioned girl raised her hand and asked, ‘So, which one is real?'”

Scarpas

My family was on a trip with my cousin when they drove past some fields spotted with brown cows. My cousin asks ‘What are they?’ Only to be informed by her mother that they were in fact cows.

My cousin then says, “Oh! I thought cows only came in black and white!”

… Oh boy.”

FroggyWentaCourtney

“My sister was exhausted because she had to work a double shift at her job as a waitress. After a few questions, I realized that her ‘double shift’ was two 4-hour shifts with a lunch hour in between.”