Spice Things Up!
“If you really want to spice things up in bed, you’ll bring the spice to the bed! Dab a bit of Tabasco on your tongue before going down on her, and she will experience flames of passion like never before! Bonus tip: This pleasure can go both ways; a bit of hot sauce on the tip of your dong can make penetration powerfully hot!”
Communication Is Key
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“Communication is key. Don’t expect her to know what you like. Describe in detail what your exes did better than her. Show her the videos of your ex doing it.”
Patience Is A Virtue
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“Patience is a virtue. Teach her that she needs to make you want it by trying to do it with a limp noodle. There’s nothing like forcing wet spaghetti into a keyhole for thirty minutes to make a girl appreciate the value of a blowie.”
Bargain With Her
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“Bargain for more than you want.. Tell her you’ve been thinking about having a foursome without her. Pretty soon, a threesome with her is a polite compromise!”
Confessional Orgasming
“Confessional orgasming. While she’s going down on you, moan the names of attractive co-workers, friends, and family members. It lets her know that she’s nearly that good looking, and reminds her that she’s the one you’ve chosen out of all of them.”
Why Do It Once?
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“Diamonds aren’t always forever. Studies show the most passionate lovemaking a couple will have is during their engagement night. Why only do it once? Give her a ring and ask her to marry you. The next morning, explain that you’ve changed your mind. Any time the relationship needs a kick in the bedroom, do it all over again!”
Encourage Her!
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“Encourage her to get fit! Buy her lingerie that is two sizes too small, then change the label to her actual size. When it doesn’t fit, mumble about how she used to be able to wear that size. She’ll think twice about ordering dessert for months!”
Make Her Famous
“Everybody wants to be star! Discretely take some nude photos of her, and some video of her in the act if you can manage it. Post them online, but don’t tell her. If you break up later, send her a link to remind her of the good times you had.”
Grab Her Attention
“Get her attention. Be loud and gaudy and in all other ways impossible to ignore. Most women don’t really know what they want so as long as you’re showing them something, they’ll probably like it. The old advertising adage holds true for picking up women: there’s no such thing as bad press.”
Be Persistent
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“Be persistent. Women like go-getters. If she seems uninterested, she’s not just playing hard to get (though she probably is, that coy minx), she’s testing your resolve. The more unwilling you are to give up, the more you can be sure she wants what you’re offering.”
Cologne It Up!
“Wear plenty of cologne. Just like in the animal kingdom, females are attracted by your musk. Only, instead of pheromones, you’ve got a bottle full of liquid engineered by science to make a woman’s nethers tingle. If you use enough for her to smell you from across the room, then you won’t even have to approach her. Just sit back and let the vixens be drawn to you.”
Be The Alpha
“Be aggressive toward other guys. All women want to be with the alpha of the pack, and there’s no better way to show her that it’s you than to put a few betas in their place. Remember though, you’ve got to be the one who initiates. Anybody can finish a fight, but a real man shows that he can and will start one before trouble even arises.”
Play It Cool
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“Play it cool. Girls hate when someone rushes in and just tells them outright that they’re interested in dating. That’s not a ‘love language’! Instead, get to know her first and don’t express too much interest. You don’t want to seem desperate!”
Money Talks!
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“Money talks! That’s right, it’s all about the benjamins! Girls need a man who can take care of them, financially as well as in the bedroom! Buying her expensive gifts both shows how thoughtful you are, and that you’ve got the cash to keep her ‘housewife happy!'”
Show Off Your Personality
“Show off your personality. Feeling glum about that double chin? Make sure to show off your personality! Unlike us guys, who – let’s face it – care mainly about looks, your lady wants a man with a nice personality. Make sure to show off your quirky side in texts, calls, emails, and visits!”
The Friend Zone
“The FRIEND zone is next to the END zone. Everybody moans about the ‘friend zone,’ but this is your opportunity to charge the last ten yards! Even if she just wants to be friends, don’t give up – stick around, wait for your opportunity, and strike when that hole opens up in her defense! Seven points!”
Get Back Into The Playing Field!
“There are three ways to get out of the friend zone and back into the playing field! Women love a guy who is hip to fashion, and one of the best ways to be fashionable is wearing accessories. Nothing is quite as timeless and handsome as the classic fedora. Find one to match that irresistible flannel shirt and no girl will be able to resist your charm. Is that girl constantly dating more ‘macho’ guys? The best way to act like a hunk is to complement like you don’t care.
Show your masculinity with compliment-insults like ‘you’re really hot from the neck down!’ Now that we’ve covered good looks and suave, the final thing is to make sure you stand out as a protector that can provide her with security. Be loud and in charge when you’re on a date or at the bar. If the server messes up your drink order, make sure to let them know, and be completely unforgiving. Make sure your date knows that nobody is going to mess with you or your woman!”