"When my girlfriend and I were dating, I felt that a guy friend of hers was flirting with her hard. She showed me their text messages to prove that they were just friends and he wasn't trying to do anything.
That's when I found out she has Asperger's Syndrome, because this guy was super obviously hitting on her. It turns out, she's not so good at reading people or their intentions. She's also never had a brother and grew up with her mom, so I think she has an even harder time understanding guys. She's oblivious in that way but she's honest, and I love that about her."
"I was hanging out with my college buddy Mike in our dorm. He'd lost his phone and told me his number to call. It rang and went to voicemail with, 'This is Mike, please leave a message.' We didn't hear any ringing, so I kept calling...and calling...and calling. Mike dug around his car, went through his dorm room...we looked everywhere. No phone.
Then, on something like the 20th call, a woman answered. I said, 'Oh hey!' but she didn't sound all too happy. 'Is this Mike's girlfriend? Do you have his phone?'
'THIS IS HIS WIFE!' she roared at me. Mike even heard it, and went, 'I don't have a wife!!'
This lady wasn't buying any of our crap, despite us trying to explain we didn't know her husband and we were looking for our friend Mike's phone. She just wanted to know who 'Mike's girlfriend' was.
We finally hung up and I asked Mike to tell me his number again. It was a different number. I had typed it in wrong the first time, and the universe hooked us up with another Mike who we called about 20 times at 2 in the morning. Now his wife thinks he's cheating on her. Sorry, Mike."
"My girlfriend and I both grew up in low-income families, and when we first started dating, we went to a huge birthday party and started talking about how we never had a big party like that growing up.
When her first birthday of our relationship came around, I planned a huge surprise party for her, which I paid for by saving three weeks worth of pay from my crappy delivery job. I snuck around for a week planning it, during which apparently I came off as being super shady.
The day before the party, I texted a mutual female friend who worked at a really nice bakery and was sneaking me an expensive cake for half-price: 'Hey, (girlfriend) is heading to work, can I come now?' She replied, 'Yeah, my boss is gone for a bit, so make it quick.' I was careful to never use the word 'party' in my texts in case my girlfriend happened to glance at my phone. My girlfriend must have looked at my phone that night, and she thought she'd caught me.
The next day, she came home from work to break up with me and walked into a surprise party. We're still together six years later."
"I was once laying my head on my boyfriend's lap as he sat on the couch and I was stretched out next to him. He was watching TV and I was scrolling through Facebook. A friend of mine had posted a picture from the perspective of her own eyes, as she laid bikini-clad on a beach chair.
I stopped scrolling to look at the picture, and after a second or so my boyfriend said in an incredibly lustful tone, 'God, I could really tear into that right now.'
Boy, I saw HIS life flash before my eyes. I shouted, 'What the heck?! What's wrong with you?!'
He seemed shocked and defensive. After a few moments of confusion on both ends, he pointed to the TV. There was a Hardee's commercial on with close-up shots of a double bacon cheeseburger. He had been lusting after the burger."
"I noticed my boyfriend had a picture message from one of our friends. She'd recently had a baby in the family and loved sending pictures. I remember scooping it up saying, 'Ooh, babies!' I slid it open and it was her CHEST IN MY FACE. She'd sent him a picture of her naked torso! I barely got one glimpse in before straight-up chucking the phone at his head. It missed, bounced off the couch, and hit him on the rebound.
I ran to our room to grab my phone, ready to send them both a novel about TOTAL BETRAYAL. As soon as I opened it, I realized I had received a picture message from her too, at the same time. The same picture, in fact. 'Finally got my nips pierced!' with a picture for proof.
Apparently, she'd sent the picture out to a bunch of her friends and we were included. She kinda had no shame about that sort of thing so it wasn't all that surprising. Weirder things happened in that group of friends. We were young, wild, and strange back then."
"I was looking at something on Reddit with my girlfriend on her phone, and suddenly this app notification pops up: 'You've matched with Tom!'
We've been together for years, so I've never seen Tinder but I've heard of it. For about 3 seconds, I was silently furious. Before she could say anything, I tapped the notification... and it brought up Pinterest. Turns out Pinterest matches you with people with similar interests, or something. I think that's the quickest I've gone through such a range of intense emotions."
"My wife is Spanish and when we first started, dating my grasp of the language was really rudimentary. Well, one day I saw that she had posted on a guy's Facebook wall, 'I can't wait to see you primo!'
I, not knowing what primo meant, looked it up on a translation site and saw that it meant prime. I, using my not so great logic, concluded that she must've been calling the guy her prime(ary) guy.
I was crushed because I thought we had something. I asked her about it and expressed how disappointed I was that she did not consider me her primary man. Then she kind of rolled her eyes and told made that 'primo' meant 'cousin.'"
"My husband got a text from an unsaved phone number. It said, 'His isn't as big as yours. Yours was GOOD and HUGE.' His reply was, 'Bigly, eh?'
My husband had just gotten a new phone and hadn't transferred all of his contacts, so I saw the text when I was putting in the family contacts for him. I said, 'Whoa, what's this about?'
My husband is a chef at a Mexican restaurant. It turned out it was a server he works with, telling him about tamales he had tried at some other place."
"My girlfriend and I have been together for 8 years. Recently, her phone started going off at weird times of the night and she'd always shuffle around to answer it. It seemed suspicious because I've seen her sleep through phone calls from hospitals, parents, and anyone else. Nothing used to get her moving if she didn't want to be there.
After a week or two, it started vibrating and she actually didn't wake up for once. I couldn't help myself and had a peak...
She had started playing Simpsons Tapped Out again on her phone. All the vibrations were her characters coming back from missions and what not. It turned out she wasn't keeping secrets or hiding anything, she just wanted to get the missions done without spending money on speeding the game up."
"My wife found a contact in my phone for 'Ashley Madison,' literally a week after there was a scandal involving that website.
I calmly explained to her that Ashley Madison was not an callgirl service and that it was the wife of the new Assistant Pastor at our church who my wife hadn't met yet. I was texting her because I had volunteered to help them move into their new house that weekend."
"My wife texted, 'I love you, Jon' to me. My name is not Jon.
I just stared at my phone in disbelief until I realized that 'h' and 'j' are next to each other on a keyboard. It was just a typo. She had actually tried texting 'I love you, hon' but she misspelled 'hon,' which autocorrected to 'Jon' and she didn't catch it before hitting send. My wife and I had a good laugh when I pointed it out that evening."
"When my aunt got her first phone with a camera, my 13-year-old cousin loved using it to take pictures and one day decided to take a picture of his junk. Sometime later, my uncle was looking through my aunt's photos to find a picture of the family he wanted to have printed, and he saw the picture of said junk. He immediately got upset, started yelling at my aunt, crying, the whole nine yards. My aunt had no clue how a picture of someone's member ended up on her phone.
They were arguing in the kitchen when my cousin walked in, saw the picture and casually said, 'Hey, that's a picture of my willy!' and then walked out of the room. My aunt and uncle just stood there bewildered for a few moments before going to have a talk with my cousin."
"My wife started acting really sneaky for a few weeks: having sudden 'outings' with her friends, some 'private spending' and asking me for money, and getting home from work really late.
The final straw was when she suddenly blocked her phone; we knew each other's passwords, but we were really respectful of each other's privacy. At that point, she began responding to messages late at night, taking phone calls outside the house, and other stuff like that.
The very day that I was going to ask her what was happening, she threw me a surprise birthday party like 10 days before my actual birthday. Why so early? Because on my actual birthday, she had booked a vacation to a beach resort, having secretly negotiated extra vacation days for me with my boss and gotten her mom to take care of the kids. All under my nose. I love her so much!"
"I did a 'Find My iPhone' search on my wife because she was very late coming home. She was on the other side of town where we knew no one. Thoughts in my head emerged: Is she cheating? What could she possibly be doing over there? She finally came home, and I confronted her. She had a startled look on her face which was as guilty as I'd ever seen her.
Turns out she was getting a botox treatment and didn't want me to know. Ouch."
"My boyfriend mentioned he was going to a concert with a female friend of his...on the date of his birthday.
I hadn't concretely set up plans but I usually take him out or make a nice dinner on his birthday and give him presents. I remember being confused and annoyed that he would prioritize hanging out with this attractive girl over myself!
I didn't really suspect him of cheating, just being oblivious, but I finally broke down and asked him what in heaven's sake he was doing. His birthday was the day after. I got his birthday wrong after 4+ years of knowing him."
"My ex definitely thought she had found something when I got a notification from a female classmate that asked, 'Is it hard?'
She was asking about the math homework. Nothing got my classmate and me in the mood more than talking about sines and cosines.
I tried to explain the situation to my ex, but I ended up just going off on a tangent."
"My friend called me crying two weeks after she and her husband had been married. She had found images of a woman in lingerie on her husband's phone. I calmed her down and told her to talk to him.
It turned out it was her husband's buffoon of a friend sending him pics of his 'hot new girlfriend.' The husband promptly asked him not to send pics like that and deleted them. She honestly accuses him of cheating so much that it's infuriating. I mean, I get trust issues, but I find it so insulting to such an honest man."
"I had been seeing this guy for a few months and he was showing me something on his phone. As he was swiping across the home screen, I saw a flash of an icon that looked like Tinder. I felt a bit upset but figured we hadn't been together that long, so I couldn't really complain.
It turned out he has a health condition and it was a medical app to track his treatment."
"One time, I thought my dad was cheating on my mom because I was on his laptop and saw one of those sketchy 'Hot girls in your area! Jenny says hi!' ads with naughty pictures and stuff. Don't ask me why I was on a website with those kind of ads on it, I honestly don't remember because I was nine. Nine-year-olds click on weird stuff.
I do remember going to my mom in tears, saying that dad was going to leave us and that she was being cheated on because I'd seen a girl saying hi to him with her chest out. My mom was pretty worked up until I showed her the incriminating ad and she had to explain to her 9-year-old that those are not real people, and Dad is not cheating on her, he just needs an AdBlocker."
"A buddy of mine and his wife had a text exchange where he was at work and she was in her car using a voice-to-text program that reads it back to you before sending.
Her: 'What are we doing for dinner? Should I stop at the store and get something, or just get some sub sandwiches?'
Him: 'Let's do sandwiches.'
Her: 'Do you want me, Paul?'
Him: '...who's Paul?'
Her: 'Meatball. Meatball. Do you want me, Paul?'
They laughed and laughed."