It Proceeded To Wrap Around Her Spine
“My buddy is a medic in the United States Navy, and once told me a story about how a young (late teens/early 20s) woman came in complaining of severe stomach pain. He was expecting to diagnose her with menstrual cramps or something else rudimentary and gave her basic pain meds and such.
She came back less than a week later, complaining that the pain had only increased. He decided to send her for an x-ray to get it checked out, and he could not believe what the results showed.
It looked like roots of some sort were twisting and turning inside her abdomen, and proceeding to wrap around her spine.
Apparently, as a form of do-it-yourself birth control, this young lady had followed her mother’s instructions and cut the end off a potato and stuck it all the way up in her lady parts.
Well, in a damp, moist environment, it began to thrive, as well as partially rot. I cannot even imagine what her gyno must have said, but this story had me in a cold-sweat, near dry-heaving. Easily tops one of the most disturbing stories I’ve ever heard.”
Absolutely Not What That’s Meant For
“I had a patient come to the ER complaining of severe pain and swelling ‘all down there.’ During the physical examination, we noted a really remarkable amount of swelling, and both the internal and external tissues were extremely red and irritated. She was so swollen she couldn’t even pee until we put a catheter in. The physician did a pelvic exam and found blisters on her cervix.
We asked when the symptoms started. She said, ‘Well it was itching tonight. I thought I had a yeast infection, so I poured a cup of bleach up in there to kill it. But then after awhile it kind of started to hurt.’ Yeah, I bet it did. Also, when I asked her why she used bleach, she said, ‘I had to use bleach because I didn’t have any Lysol.’ Fun fact, Lysol used to be marketed as a feminine hygiene product, but that was 80 years ago, and Clorox is much much harsher.”
Ol’ Sugar Lungs
“I’m a paramedic, and I once responded to a nursing home for a diabetic patient who was unresponsive. The nurse didn’t keep up with the insulin and gave a tad bit too much, decreasing the patient’s blood sugar, but that’s fixable.
Then I walk in to see another nurse pouring Splenda down this lady’s mouth. She has snoring restorations and the Splenda is just being inhaled into her lungs. It also isn’t doing crap for this poor lady because it isn’t even sugar.
After that, I gave this lady some D50 (IV sugar water), and she came to, but felt like she couldn’t get enough air. She ended up being treated for a few days for pneumonia.
I swear, some people get their medical licenses from the bottom of a Cracker Jack box.”
That’s Not Even Why He Was There
“When I was a med student, a guy came in to the emergency department with 2 combs and a toothbrush in his butt. He had stuck the toothbrush up there for pleasure, but lost it. He tried to fish it out with a comb, but lost that, and tried again with a second comb, and lost that as well.
The kicker: he was there because he had gotten in a car crash. He wasn’t there to get the stuff out of his butt. He volunteered the information after we asked if there was anything else we needed to know.”
That Mix Is A Recipe For Disaster
“I had a diabetic patient who went to vacation in the Caribbean, left her insulin on a cruise ship, and hadn’t taken any for a week. When she got back to the States and Medicaid wouldn’t pay for lost or stolen meds, she refused to pay for another bottle because she ‘doesn’t have any money.’
Realizing that no insulin=more sugar in blood, she somehow got the idea in her head that more sugar in the blood means that her blood is now ‘thicker,’ so she decided to take a bunch of Plavix, Warfarin, and Aspirin (all blood thinners that cause bleeding, and high doses can and will lead to internal bleeding and death) to thin her blood.
I got the story when she came into the pharmacy to get refills on her Warfarin and Plavix, and I asked her why she needs those early. I told her to immediately go to the ER, but I have no idea if she actually did.”
Man Around Town
“I work in therapy, and one time I had a referral for an older gentleman that had a minor surgery. Nurses noted that he was incontinent of bladder. He was 95ish, so no big surprise.
I went to get him up for a walk, pulled back the covers, and noticed a large item concealed under his pjs in the crotch area. After some circular talk, slowly getting around to bringing up the matter at hand, it turned out he refused to wear adult diapers. He was still a ‘man around town’ in his mind, and had to always look his best for the ladies, so he came up with an idea that he thought was just absolutely brilliant.