Sometimes people don’t always think before they speak. And with that, they say some gnarly things. These people share the most moronic things they heard someone say. Content has been edited for clarity purposes.
Inside The Applebees’ Kitchen
“I worked at an Applebees as a line cook for a few years with some of the stupidest people I ever met. We’ll call the first one WB (White Broccoli); she was a waitress.
One day WB came to the back to ask me a question.
She asked, ‘Do we have any white broccoli?’
‘Do you mean cauliflower?’ I asked.
‘No no no, I mean white broccoli. You know, like broccoli, but white.’ WB told me with a straight face.
She legitimately thought they were different things and refused to believe otherwise.
Then there was a line cook that we’ll call HD (Hecka Days) because anytime, anyone, including managers, asked how long an item would take, his response was always, ‘Hecka Days Bro, Hecka Days.’
HD, me, and our GM (General Manager) were all working the line one day. I and the General Manager were chatting about what some of our favorite books we’d recently read were. HD decided he needed to be a part of the conversation and proudly declared.
He said, ‘The longest thing I’ve read was the movie description on Netflix.’
Another day, HD came in and seemed a bit off, but whatever the dude was normally pretty weird. So we got ready for the dinner rush and put HD on the grill side. I looked over and saw that HD had let one of his pans rotate so that the handle was sitting over an open flame.
About 15 minutes later, I glanced over and saw HD looking at the panhandle and realized something bad was about to happen. You know that feeling you get watching a train wreck? Disastrous, but almost beautiful in how awful it was?
Well, this man reached out with his bare hand and grabbed the handle. I instantly heard the sizzle and just kinda locked up experiencing the pain through him.
But this dude nonchalantly went, ‘Oh, man! That’s hot!’
And then calmly and almost slowly turned a full 180 degrees to set the pan down on the counter.
Easily had second to third-degree burns on his palm.”
“We Had To Inform Her She Was A Human”
“I answer the phones and triage calls at a vet hospital. One time, I had a lady call panicking because she was sure her dog’s heart had ‘exploded’ after he ran into a stake in the ground and hit his chest and yelped. They then walked a half a mile home (no she didn’t carry him) and he was just calmly watching her while she was screaming into the phone, ‘BUT HOW DO I KNOW HIS HEART DIDN’T EXPLODE.’
I responded, ‘Well ma’am, it sounds like he’s alive so that’s a pretty good clue.’
Another time, I had a family sobbing because the daughter fed their dog a bagel with lox on it then googled ‘Can dogs eat raw salmon?’ and found some obscure deadly parasite dogs catching salmon in the wild can get. That was when they were positive the dog was actively dying. She made me confer with two separate doctors because she didn’t believe me, then didn’t believe the first doctor, then finally felt silly when the second doctor agreed human grade lox and wild caught raw salmon are not the same thing at all.
Then I had a call from this one client who said, ‘I took my dogs medicine what do I do?’
I said, ‘You have to call your own doctor, we only deal with veterinary medicine.’
She said, ‘But it was a veterinary medicine.’
I replied, ‘Yes and you are a human.’
Working at a vets office has really made me realize humans are way dumber than I ever imagined.
I had another call about taking their dog’s medicines then asked me if it was a medicine also used for humans? I was able to tell her no, ‘Apoquel’ was only for dogs and we honestly have no idea how it might affect humans so maybe poison control was the best bet. She thanked me and followed my advice.
The other client, on the other hand insisted we treat her despite us saying we only treated cats and dogs until we finally had to forcefully inform her she was a human. That was what made the interaction so dumb to me.”
“This Was The Same Hospital That Misplaced My Father”
“My very diabetic friend had dangerously high blood sugar levels and was in the emergency room. When she was starting to feel better and expressed that she was hungry, the nurse brought her a white bread ham sandwich, a banana, and a juice box.
When my friend said, ‘I can’t eat this, it’s literally all sugar.’
The nurse looked her dead in the face and replied, ‘I don’t know what you diabetics can eat. Do you want an extra juice box?’
I wouldn’t have believed it if I wasn’t in the same room. I understand the emergency rooms don’t have a magical stock of food for every diet type. But I am surprised she didn’t just tell us that instead of handing a type one diabetic a box full of sugar and then offering extra sugar when she was told the patient couldn’t eat that. The nurse didn’t go near my friend’s chart at any point ( I was by her side the whole time she was there) although we did clearly tell her that my friend was diabetic. If my friend were someone elderly or without full understanding, she could have just chowed down and made herself much sicker, that was the problem.
Nursing aside, I don’t think I’m wrong to assume that most adults, medical professionals or not, understand that diabetes means don’t eat sugar. It’s a common disease that the general public is aware of.
My friend had dangerously high blood sugar because her automatic insulin pump was malfunctioning and she didn’t notice for hours. Through most of this time, she was asleep. When someone came by her house in the morning, they realized something was wrong and took her to the hospital.
This happened in Canada. This was the same hospital that ‘misplaced’ my father’s body some years earlier when he died in an ambulance en route to them.’
“I Had My First Surgery When I Was 10 Hours Old”
“When I was about a year old, a person told my mom that I was born the way I was born because my mom was pregnant with me at her wedding. And that she should feel ashamed because I’m the one paying for her mistakes. My mom had a healthy pregnancy and with me, but a few hours into being in labor, that was when things went downhill fast. This was in 1989-1990 so the technology wasn’t really there to catch it. An emergency C-section was done. And I was born basically dying. I wasn’t breathing.
The hospital I was born at couldn’t take care of me. They didn’t even know what I had, but one it was most likely my heart. So the Children’s hospital in Chicago said they’d take me. I was not only born with heart issues, but they also found I was born with five congenital heart defects and two congenital lung defects. I had my first open-heart surgery when I was about 10 hours old.
I have many other health issues. I’ve had over 20 surgeries. And I’m on day 138 in the hospital, waiting for a heart bilateral/lung transplant.
I’ve had people tell me that I should’ve eaten better, exercise and that I put myself in this situation. Even though I explained it’s because I was born with it.
About four years ago, I had an appointment with my congenital heart defects cardio doctor. It was in the same office as all the other cardio doctors, so I’m usually the youngest one waiting. My mom was with me for this appointment and we started talking with the people in our section of the waiting room.
My mom went to get up to use the restroom and the woman next to me said it was nice I was with my mom for her appointment. So I told her I was the patient. Then she asked a few questions about my health, which I didn’t mind doing because I love advocating and telling people about congenital heart defects. It’s the number one birth defect worldwide and most people don’t know the real facts.
She went on to tell me about her husband and how he recently had a stent placed during a heart cath (through the groin and a catheter is used to get to the heart). Then she told me how her husband’s stent placement was more serious than my open heart surgeries (I’ve had four total). And that I was exaggerating because a baby couldn’t be that sick and if they were, then it was less invasive than what I was saying that it was.
It was not a contest, but I’m pretty sure the fact I wasn’t breathing when I was born and couldn’t breathe on my own and had life-saving open-heart surgery at about 10 hours old was pretty darn serious. More so than a stent placed through the groin.”
He Needed To Complain To Nestle, Not A Bagel Shop
“I worked at a bagel shop. One day, we had a guy come in and accuse us of selling and charging him for two bottles worth of chocolate milk inside of one bottle when he only wanted ‘one serving.’ I guess he thought it was a super large or something? But we only have one size, and it wasn’t that big. His reasoning for thinking that?
On the bottle of chocolate milk, it said that a thoughtful serving was half the bottle. So he thought one bottle equaled to two bottles of chocolate milk and he only wanted one. I had to explain to this guy that a thoughtful portion was just a recommendation by Nestle that he only drink half the bottle because it’s healthier. And it was not that there were two chocolate milk bottles in the one bottle he bought. Then he told us we should be less confusing, and then I had to explain to him that we did not own nestle and did not have a chocolate milk factory in the back of the shop where we made and produced the chocolate milk.
Then he said he no longer wanted it because he was ‘hearing now that it is not fresh’ so he tried to get a refund on a half emptied chocolate milk.
I had to explain to him that, ‘No, we can not do that.’
And then he left in a huff.”
Darn You, UV Radiation
“Many years ago when my brain was less developed, I went to a zoo and they had a lot of science exhibits on the premises. There was one guy who had a booth with a specialized telescope that you could look at the sun. At the moment that I was passing by, some planet was in front of the sun and the guy was really excited to let me see it as well. Maybe it was too mesmerizing for my brain because after a while I asked him a serious question.
I asked, ‘So any idea when I can see the earth pass by in front of the sun?’
The guy just gave me a blank stare for a few seconds and I was wondering if I had said anything offensive. He still wasn’t sure if I was being serious and we just kinda locked gazes for a bit longer.
He slowly opened his mouth and said, ‘Maybe at some point after we colonize Mars.’
I was like ok cool I guess, not really comprehending how this is related to my question. It was only when I started walking onwards that I realized the level of stupidity that escaped my mouth. I still blame the UV radiation that must have made me so dumb at that moment.”
Pet Store Tales
“I was in a biology dissecting lab and I didn’t see our rat yet, but heard the guy I was paired with say, ‘Oh man! This poor rat has some serious tumors!’
The professor and I were curious and came to look, but saw no tumors.
We asked, ‘Where?’
He said, ‘Them! Right there! It’s huge!’
The guy was pointing at this rats’ genitals.
I had a woman with her two kids come in and point at my turtle tank.
She told them. ‘Look kids, a sea turtle baby! As it grows, it will change shape to live in the ocean!’
The little boy just looked at his mom in horror and responded, ‘Oh mom, I don’t think that’s how it works.’
One time, I had a woman come in with a very scared dog asking for vet advice about skin tags on dogs and how to remove them. She was trying to cut off her male dog’s nips and wondered why the dog was now scared.
I had a guy come in and proudly say, ‘He uses a regular light bulb for his snake. It’s so much cheaper and easier to replace. You’ll just scam people for your fancy bulbs.’
Another time, a husband came in and asked why his expensive fish were acting oddly after cleaning the fish tank. We found out his wife dumped two cups of bleach in it thinking it will kill the algae and bacteria but not the fish.
Then I had a guy come in and want a betta fish. I noticed he has bought a few and asked what happened. He said they died but because he didn’t give them enough light. I asked what food he fed them.
He looked confused and said, ‘Betta fish don’t need food, bettas are like plants and absorb light to get the energy to live.’
I had to explain they are fishes and do not photosynthesize to live, but need food.”
Math Is Hard
“This customer ordered a three-piece chicken strip meal and then stormed up to the counter and complained that, ‘There wasn’t enough for two people.’
I asked her if she meant to order the six-piece meal. She said no, she meant to order the three-piece meal but there weren’t two boxes for them to share. I kind of looked at her, having no idea at that point what she was talking about.
I asked, ‘So did you mean to order two three-piece meals?’
She again insisted that no, she wanted one three-piece meal that had two boxes and was big enough to share. After arguing for several minutes on the semantics of what three pieces of chicken entailed, I literally had to end the conversation by saying ‘Ma’am I have no idea what you’re asking for. The three-piece meal has three pieces of chicken.’
She then insisted that I should have given her six pieces of chicken in her three-piece meal since it was ‘for sharing.’ Which was the six-piece meal if you’re doing the math with me.
I told her that if she bought a three-piece meal, then she only gets three pieces of chicken. If she wanted the six-piece meal, she needed to buy that one. She stormed away. No idea what she was thinking.”
Was She Pregnant Or Going Through Menopause?
“I was in beauty school and I found out I was pregnant about a week or two in. Of course, all the other moms in my class were always jumping in and telling me about their experiences being pregnant. There was one girl who had her baby at 15 or 16 and she was always the most vocal about her experience, usually doubting my symptoms because she felt things differently.
For example, she thought I was using my pregnancy as an excuse to be an emotional prick because she didn’t have mood swings.
I thought, ‘Yeah, because you were a teenager already going through mood swings, girl.’
The most outrageous one, however, was when I was having one of my many hot flashes. I was about four or five months pregnant at that point and I was dealing with a big hot flash, fanning myself, and sweating.
This chick seriously shook her head at me and said, ‘I didn’t get that when I was pregnant. Are you sure you’re pregnant? Maybe you’re going through menopause.’
I was 26 and most definitely pregnant. I was already showing.
The entire class gave her a collective, ‘Seriously?'”
Entitled Lady At The Laundromat
“For about four years, I had to use a laundromat to wash my clothes and some of the weirdest people would come in.
One day, I was washing my clothes, and sitting next to the washer. A woman, came in and put her clothes in the washer, and immediately left. The second she left, the washer started making a loud bang noise. It started beeping and it immediately stopped. It never turned back on.
When I threw my clothes into a dryer, that was when the woman came back. She took her clothes out and started smelling her clothes. She noticed the clothes weren’t washed.
She announced to the entire laundromat of five or six people, ‘Are you kidding me?! The washer didn’t work and NO ONE thought to let me know?!?’
She knew that specific washer didn’t 100 percent work. She even left her phone number on top of the washer and expected a random stranger to call her if it didn’t work.”
The Professor Asked Why She Missed So Much Class
“I asked my student why she missed five weeks of class.
She said, while looking me dead in the eye that she had a nosebleed.
This was a college student and I thought she dropped the class. She showed up to my office 24 hours before the final asking for extra credit but not having any of the work done. She did not make any prior attempt to contact me or the school about accommodations. I saw her regularly around the building and she had attended her other classes.
I’m not a doctor, so I don’t know the whole situation or if this was a disability issue – it may or may not have been. All she told me was she had a nosebleed.
The lack of attendance or reason why wasn’t the issue. The issue was the impossibility of a student making up five weeks’ worth of lectures, projects, and homework in 24 hours and expecting me to figure that out for her at the drop of the hat.
Pro tip: Contact your professors if you’re having any issues. They are literally there because they want you to learn. They will help. But you need to tell them you need help. There is a certain point (like 24 hours prior to the final) that no one can do anything.”
“Dude, You’re Like 24 Years Old”
“I went on a date with a dude who asked me what my favorite animal was. I said giraffe and he laughed.
Then he said, ‘Giraffes don’t exist.’
The date ended a few minutes later when he went into a rant about flat earth and how dumb I was for believing in spheres. I wasn’t sure how to respond to him.
I had an ex-boyfriend who I caught cheating on me. I had walked up behind him to ask him a question and saw him texting intimate things to someone. Once confronted, he said he typed that message to some stranger without looking at his phone, and it was all a misunderstanding. This was before autocorrect. He spelled everything correctly and with punctuation to a girl he worked with.
I said, ‘Like dude, you are 24 years old.’
At that point, I would have more respect to just own up to it.”
Volcanoes Are Real
“In seventh grade during a science class, we were talking about volcanoes and the general information as a preview for what was upcoming in the next week.
Then this girl who wasn’t the brightest said, ‘I thought volcanoes weren’t real and just were myths used in movies like Moana.’
For the remaining 15 minutes of class, we all started yelling at her because she thought she was right. We couldn’t get it in her head that they were real until the teacher gave in and showed her a couple of videos, pointed out pages in the textbook, and showed her the rocks he found while in Hawaii. She argued with a teacher over basic knowledge. Overall not very smart and she has said countless stupid things.”
She Really Called The Cops
“I’m a cop. I answered a call from a lady who had locked her keys in her car. When I arrived, I asked her if the car she was standing by was her car and she said yes. I stared at her for a second because the rear window was down. Not like a little, like all the way. I reached in and unlocked the front door.
She said, ‘Thank you so much, officer. I was going to have to call my husband and have him bring my spare key.’
She opened the door, thanked me again, and grabbed her keys on the seat. I actually spent a couple of minutes asking her questions to make sure she was mentally stable. She was just oblivious
Just Another Front Desk Girl
“About 20 years ago, I had a guy asking me about prices for a tattoo. He kept saying that he wanted to speak to a man. My male coworker told him that I was more than capable of answering his questions as I had just as much experience as him.
This was when it dawned on the guy that I was not ‘just the front desk girl.’
He then said the one line that still sticks with me as one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard someone say, ‘Oh! I didn’t know girls these days even could tattoo!’
I can, but only if I concentrate extra hard with my feeble little lady brain.”
He Thought He Could Pull A Fast One On The Government
“I worked for the IRS (The Internal Revenue Service) for 13 years, and I’ve heard some stupid stuff.
One time, this man called about a letter saying his return was rejected. I brought up the case and took a look.
‘Well, you claimed 12 children, all with different last names, so we are going to need some clarification about that,’ I said.
‘Well sir, I’m the pastor of their church and I baptized all those kids. That makes them my children,’ he said.
‘Nope. Sorry. You are all full up on crazy today,’ I said.
And then I hung up and took the rest of the day off.”