I eat my eggs the way god intended. In their shells, raw, and whole. Pop them in my mouth and bite.
Apparently, psychologists have determined that the way you choose to eat eggs says a lot about who you are as a person. They have looked into what type of person is most associated with what type of egg prep. I wonder what my style implies. Probably that I am a grade A cool guy and super stylish stud.
The very valuable and important study was conducted using 1,010 different people. The British Egg Industry Council put together an extensive and rather personal list of questions about various egg eaters. These have helped determine what kind of weirdo likes what kind of egg.
Poached Eggs
Difficult to prepare, but also one of the most sought-after egg types, poached eggs are a national brunch favourite. This is reflected in the study. No localised area favours poached, and they’re loved nationwide.
However, you’re more likely to be a woman if you have a penchant for poached eggs. The study also claims that you’re more extroverted, outgoing, and sociable, with decorative, colourful clothing and a preference for upbeat and lively music.
Boiled Eggs
These are the most versatile and practical eggs. I will often carry from three to a dozen boiled eggs on my person a day, for emergencies. Pocket eggs are something that, once you add them to your daily loadout, can never be removed.
According to the study, the humble boiled egg is commonly eaten by working-class women. They’re quite widely eaten, but the people of the south-east of England tend to eat them less. Apparently, boiled egg fans are carefree folks.
Boilers are for the working class, rambunctious northern lass. Now I know how to win them over: pocket eggs.
Scrambled Eggs
Scrambled eggs are pretty good on the whole. Unlike the boiled egg, they don’t survive well in a pocket throughout the day, but they’re versatile. They can be combined with so many things. Huevos Rancheros from Mexico slaps, Menemen from Turkey is the food of the gods. Scrambled eggs are great.
The study of scrambled eggs revealed that their enjoyers are quite the stoic bunch. They are closed off with their emotions, but successful professionally and at home. They are usually aged between 20-39 years old, too. Scrambled eggs are for the Patrick Batemans among us.
Fried Egg
Weirdly, fried eggs are the ones that will usually give me the egg ick that can sometimes last months. One day, I’ll be looking at a fried egg, and just be like, No, absolutely not, I cannot eat eggs now.
But when I’m into eggs, they’re so good. They have the little dippy bit in the middle, they can sit on the top of rice and ramen, and they’re even sandwich-shaped.
Apparently, the fried egg is most popular with Scottish males with older siblings, working in skilled working-class roles. They have been said to be creative, curious, and open to new experiences with great imaginations. The study even claims that these kinds of egg eaters are better at recalling their dreams.
Omelette
The omelette is, by far, the fanciest of eggs. Whereas the poached egg is the new money, middle-class sweetheart, the omelette is the food of the landed gentry. People eat omelettes in their manors and on horseback. Making a perfect omelette takes years of practice and precision, known only by the highest-bred folk.
The study said that actually, it’s mostly middle-class people who like the omelette, and they invariably come from Sheffield, Newcastle and Liverpool. According to the study, omelette eaters are the least likely to be divorced.
As a contrast to the messy boiled egg eaters, their houses are organised and tidy. Also, they are reliable and disciplined. Not my kind of egger.