Life is what you make it and when it gives you lemons – you make lemonade (or something like that).
The following is a compilation of some of the best rules of life that aren’t said as frequently as that lemon phrase.
For more unwritten rules, find the original thread source below.
“If someone you’re friendly with starts doing things like talking behind your back or generally being passive aggressive, stop the relationship in it’s tracks.
Not necessarily refuse to speak to them if there’s some compelling reason they need to be around (family or coworker etc), but things from then on can be polite but not friendly.
Because it’s not like the person is going to suddenly change their ways.”
“Please chew with your mouth closed.
If I can hear you eating, I want you to know that I’ve already thought of at least five ways to end your life.
When I am enjoying my dinner, I don’t want to hear a soundtrack of a platoon of vaginas marching through mud.”
“If you cannot avoid a judgmental person, limit the amount of information they have about you.”
“I stock enough beer so I never run into a situation where I need to think about whether I’m sober enough to drive to get more beer.”
“If you put a drink down at a club, never pick it back up.”
“Never look people in the eye when your eating a banana.”
“Never make fun of a person’s accent, no matter how silly it may sound.
As a monolingual person, the accent more than likely means they know more languages than I do.”
“For every 2 times I invite you to something, you should reciprocate at least once.”
“No motorcycles after alcohol, not even one beer.”
“Every person is entitled a certain measure of respect until they earn more or lose that measure.”
“When people blow you off or treat you like you’re unimportant, don’t mess with them.
They’ll never know why you don’t talk to them anymore or don’t hang out with them or don’t want anything to do with them, but that’s because they’re self-centered and not very smart.”
“Never attribute malice to that which can be explained by stupidity or ignorance.”
“If an insect is in my house and successfully evades me twice, or shows courage like standing its ground it is granted safety in my house (within reason).
But if the spider bro said dude screw off? Alright man. That’s your corner but you better not stray from that corner I’ve got cats man. Feel free to mess up the fruit fly population my roommate seems fond of.”
“If I find myself trying to justify anything I’m about to do, I know it is the wrong thing to do.”
“If she looks too young, she is.”
“Never take anything anyone says to you at face value, unless you can confirm it yourself.
I work in middle management currently…the amount of bluffing, b.s-ing, lies and deceit that go is appalling…”
“If I’m accused of something I didn’t do, I deny it, and if you don’t believe me?
You better be prepared now for me to do exactly what you accused me of. If I’m going to take the blame I’m at least going to deserve it.”
“Don’t wake me up suddenly. Be nice, and I’ll wake up nice.
Don’t be nice, and yes I will wake up Thanksgiving morning screaming at you to leave me the heck alone and stop pounding on my damn door, Kathryn.”
“Be polite to everyone, especially if someone is making or serving you your food and drinks.”
“Always test your addictions once in a while. I mean I get sober from anything for at least a week or two when I feel I’m starting to get hooked on something. That includes alcohol and any kind of substance but also reddit, pornography, video games or simply my computer.”
“Never poop right after a shower. If absolutely unavoidable, get back in the shower.”
“When we pick up fast food you ARE NOT allowed to eat out of the bag on the way home.
You aren’t eating half a serving of fries and trying to pawn it off on me when we get home!”
“No matter how right you are in a discussion, once you lose your temper, you’re in the wrong.
The first one to escalate immediately loses in a conversation or debate.”
“Never assume you think the same way as somebody else; there are many types of intelligence and ingenuity on both intellectual and emotional levels. Humans are complex.
You often benefit by respecting how other people think, as that provides insight into how to improve how you think (or, in some cases, how you shouldn’t think).”
“I always try to do stuff once in a while that makes me mildly uncomfortable or anxious.
And almost every time I get pleasantly surprised how much fun it is and how many people I meet!”
“Always default to being nice. It’s easy and it’s free.”