From finding and hiring an unprofessional priest online, to letting an amateur photographer do the wedding shoots and lose them later, couples share one thing they regret the most about their wedding.
[Source can be found at the end of the article]
This attention-seeking bridesmaid
I should have made my fiancé’s sister my third bridesmaid instead of my lifelong friend. The friend seemed the obvious choice because, like I said, lifelong friend (since age 2.)
But my friend was a huge thorn in my side all day and in the lead up to the day. Complaining, starting arguments about her pronouns, calling me sexist, wouldn’t shut up about Supernatural and the new Ghostbusters, and had some kind of a breakdown when I was getting ready and went around telling people “Oh, I’m just having an attack of anxiety and depression but don’t mind me! That’s just a normal day for me!” Urgh.
She also did weird things during our fitting if no one was paying attention to her. At one point she pulled her hoodie over her face and blocked her ears. I and my other bridesmaid ignored her but my sweeter-than-honey bridesmaid leaned over to ask what was wrong “Ohhh…ohhh it’s all your voices…talking…” my eyebrow raises “And all at different frequencies too!!! Ohhhh”
I have known this girl since age two. This had never been a problem until right that second. Sweeter-than-bacon bridesmaid put an arm around her and comforted her while I suggested she go outside for some fresh air “No. No, I’m fine.” So then I and my two bridesmaids just ignored her.
It was such a pain.
Meanwhile, my now sister-in-law was an absolute delight. She went out of her way to make everything wonderful. She helped out in the kitchen, ran errands, drove people to the wedding who couldn’t drive themselves, helped set up chairs and decorations, gave a Bible reading, and BAKED OUR WEDDING CAKE!
So yeah…poor choice on my part. I thoroughly regret that.
Who are these people?
Inviting 75% of the people. Most of them I never see and are not involved in our lives. Would have rather spent the same amount of money on 25% of the people and had one hell of a high-end party.
This awkward mistake by the DJ
Having a sit-down meal vs. buffet. Some people loved the food, others didn’t. I should have done a buffet so they could have chosen what they pleased instead of a chicken, beef, or fish RSVP.
Also, the DJ played the wrong song As I walked down the aisle. I didn’t stop and get him to change it as I wasn’t about to turn around and start over after my husband and guests already saw me. So in hindsight, I should have double checked the music prior to the ceremony. He also announced my dad as the father of the groom when my husband’s dad is deceased while he announced us into the reception. He had a cheat sheet with the wedding party on it but I guess he just misspoke. Awkward.
That we didn’t specifically say “no children” on the invite. We didn’t know anyone with kids, so it seemed like a given. Mom, though, invited her neighbor’s son, who neither I nor the groom had ever met, and he brought his 2-year-old twins, who screamed through the entire ceremony.
Don’t make this mistake.
The worst behavior at a wedding
Inviting a certain family member. My mother died a few weeks before the wedding (we’d moved it as close as we could) and with the stress of her being ill I couldn’t cope with my Grandmother moaning that we hadn’t invited these family members.
Well, they showed up (after handing the RSVP to me at my mothers funeral while they were loading the coffin into the hearse), they ate food from everyone else’s plates (sit down dinner and they mine swept the food of people they’d never met before), took and ate an entire tier of wedding cake and then kept getting the DJ to play naff love songs dedicated to each other rather than the playlist we’d requested.
It wasn’t the worst behavior I’d ever seen from them at a wedding but it was definitely the worst behavior at my wedding.
All about the spouse
We wanted a tiny wedding; immediate family and close friends only. My mother-in-law invited her siblings and my spouse’s deceased father’s siblings. We were too polite to un-invite them.
So the group was lopsided enough that the toasts were 80% about my spouse. My boss, who didn’t know me that well, noticed the disparity and made a toast about me. The whole thing ended up looking like it was my spouse’s wedding, and I’d been invited to attend.
Still had an awesome time, though.
Lighting a unity candle
I’ve read online that this is a pretty common problem. If you have a “Unity Candle,” light the wick before the actual ceremony. My wife and I awkwardly tried to light ours for like 3 minutes while her family member was singing a song. We eventually just tilted our individual lit candles until they were leaning on each other and making 1 flame out of the two wicks. The crowd cheered.
Waltz dance with father
My dad gave me away at my first very small wedding which meant the world to me. After much physical and emotional abuse that marriage ended.
I eloped to the courthouse for the second since everyone lived far away and I had three children from my first marriage that needed to be provided for more than I needed a wedding. The gifted bouquet was fabulous, I was marrying my best friend, my children were in attendance and they gave their full approval. It really was great.
My only regret is I never got to have a wedding dance with my dad. The dance was the only part I dreamed about as a little girl because my dad would dance me around the house while I stood on his feet. We’d waltz-like you’d see in movies when people got married and I wanted that with my dad. I wouldn’t have stood on his feet, of course.
Next time I go home I’m standing that old man up and we’re gonna waltz, dammit. Just like we used to. I’ll go goodwill a wedding dress if I’m feeling sassy about it.
Smoking cigars through most of the reception
I got each of my groomsmen a wooden box with a cigar, single shot bottle of liquor, and a pair of cufflinks I’d made myself.
We all decided to dip out of the reception for a few minutes to smoke the cigars. I’m not a smoker, but how long could it possibly take?
… it took around 45 minutes. 45 minutes of a four-hour hall rental is pretty significant. My wife was wandering around asking if anyone had seen us. I felt like a jerk when we finally got back inside.
If I ever find myself as a groomsman in a wedding, I’m advising against that.
When parents on both sides get involved
I wish we had just eloped and did it in Vegas. Both my parents and my mother-in-law acted like jerks. We had a very small wedding and the reception at my parent’s house, but my mom insisted on putting the food in the basement (I still have no idea why) and my mother-in-law was hysterical because she had to drive our car to her hotel. It was 8 miles away! We are about to celebrate our 21st anniversary.
Drunken letter party!
We got some letter blocks (beads) and pipe cleaners so people could put their name on their glass (stemware) if they wanted to. Then we forgot about it and they didn’t get used. From time to time I see the bags of letters and think we should have a drunken party.
The dermatologist and amateur photographer
To save money, we had friends do everything. The string quartet, the flowers, the officiant, the videography and photography.
Everything was awesome, except the photography. He was my friend’s dad, a successful dermatologist and amateur photographer.
Anyhow, this was the early days of Photoshop and a hard drive crash wiped him out. I’m not mad 15 years later, but he was so embarrassed, he never spoke with me again.
Despite what they say, it’s not about you
Having a ceremony, my mother-in-law invited so many people that my significant other and I had never met and have never seen again and my father-in-law did a surprise champagne toast that caused the amount of the wedding to go up because he wanted to be the center of attention. It also caused family drama on my side since I didn’t want to invite my cousin and her ill behaved children who everyone called scum but then shame on me for not wanting them there.
Having a wedding taught me this: despite everyone telling you it’s about you, it’s not about you. If we ever had to do it again, we’d just go to the courthouse and call it done.
No wedding photos from this photographer
The photographer. She bossed us around the day of, then we never got our photos from her. She threatened us with legal action if we kept asking, so we dropped it. She kept the full payment and we never heard from her again.
This lady was an amateur recommended to us by a friend. I accepted because I liked her other photos I saw; I should have known she might not be trustworthy though.
My advice is GET A PROFESSIONAL.
Traditional wedding isn’t always a good idea
Having a “traditional” wedding. We should have just taken the immediate family and gone on a nice trip somewhere. Instead, my parents paid for catering for 11 people who RSVP’ed but then decided they would rather go to a monster truck rally and a bunch of people left early to watch basketball.
Doing a receiving line
We put my mother-in-law in charge of everything because we were getting married in my husband’s hometown, but we were in school in a different state. She wanted a receiving line and we didn’t fight her on it.
Turns out she invited the entire city. We didn’t get to eat the catered food, didn’t get to dance, didn’t even get to cut our cake. They started serving and eating our cake because we were stuck in the foyer of the reception hall shaking hands with hundreds of people we didn’t know and would never meet again.
I cannot stress enough, just don’t do a receiving line.
Photographer going through major life-alerting events
I planned our wedding in Boston from Atlanta, so I relied heavily on recommendations from friends, etc for vendors. The one thing I regret was finding the photographer online vs. getting a recommendation. 95% of our photos were pretty awful, and took about 6 months to get because the photographer was going through “major life-altering events you wouldn’t understand!” So yeah. My husband still grumbles about it to this day (9 years later!) but I see his point.
Total horror show
Inviting my father. He showed up late and missed our arrival. As he consumed more alcohol, he proceeded to bring up old family stuff in front of other people which was not appropriate and made them feel awkward. To finish the night, he got absolutely hammered and lost his balance while dancing and fell over on the bride/groom table. He destroyed our unity candles among other items.
No time to enjoy themselves
My regret is not taking the time out to enjoy myself.
Both my wife and I spent a lot of time going around and talking to people, making sure we got through everyone and not missing anyone out, and doing things to make sure everyone felt included.
Since then, we’ve found out that everyone was super happy and we didn’t need to spend that time seemingly appeasing everybody.
We both regret not taking a bit of time out and just enjoying ourselves with our immediate friends.
We’re desperate to go to another wedding at the same venue as guests, so we can get the experience we created for ours.
Sobs through the whole wedding
Two big things: First, not hiring a videographer. Had two guests with tripods and video cameras to record the ceremony, and somehow, neither video worked. I’m so heartbroken about that.
Second: Not having a schedule of who needed to do what on the actual day. I was so frazzled trying to coordinate all the logistics, and it turned out none of my “help” had cars. It was a nightmare, and I spent most the afternoon sobbing. The pictures are lovely with my super puffy eyes!
Horrible choice of playlist
My biggest regret is letting my mom pick the DJ and trusting that the DJ had two brain cells to rub together.
I left her instructions that at some point during the reception, please play one bluegrass and one cajun folk song. She announced both as special events directly after the mother/son dance and picked the worst examples of each. I just wanted a few songs shuffled into the rest of the mix, not a big production.
And then she tried to be cute by playing Lady in Red after I changed clothes so we could leave without dealing with fitting a wedding dress in the car. I was so embarrassed to be the center of attention while my husband was not even in the room.
An iPod on shuffle would have been a better choice. Mom refused to let me just make my own playlist, and I just let her have her way instead of standing up for my preferences.
Weddings don’t magically fix bad relationships
I invited my mother. We hadn’t been in contact for a number of years because she’s a toxic and abusive person. My maternal grandmother had stage 4 melanoma and I invited my mother, hoping my wedding would make everything better and bring the family together. My mother came and was relatively quiet to me, but she was awful to my grandmother (her mother.) After the wedding, my mother went back to her abusive ways with me, so we’re not talking again. I learned that weddings aren’t magical events that will fix bad relationships.
Poor choice of bridesmaid
I regret one of my bridesmaids. I should have confronted her about basically not caring about me BEFORE the wedding. Now I have all the photos with her in them and a mother nagging me to put together my wedding album when all the photos do is make me alternate between sobbing and rage. The wedding was barely a year ago.
This unprofessional priest found online
Hiring a priest we found online. Met him twice and was charismatic and charming. Come wedding day he freaks. He yells at me about the book placement as we are about to line up to go out for the processional. Made me cry and I’m not a crier. He also forgot the custom vows we created together and asked us at the altar as he covered the mic “is the ‘standard stuff’ ok?”… literally the most important part of the whole day he forgets. We thought we vetted him enough I regret not asking for references.
Still best day ever! The mass was more for my parents and my significant other and I were relieved after the ceremony was over. Party was worth every cent!
Getting engaged at a wedding
My stepsister got engaged at my wedding reception, and I didn’t punch her or her fiance for it later.
Apparentlyl, the two of them arranged the whole thing together – that he would pop the question halfway through the daddy-daughter dance.
Their marriage lasted all of two years, as well.
Picture it: a wedding between a white guy and a Peruvian girl. The incredibly white-bread father of the groom reads a speech in English. Then, rather than turning the mic over to the bride’s father so that he can address her party in Spanish, the groom’s father reads a god-awful google translation of his entire speech in heavily accented Spanish while the bride’s father awkwardly stands there in silence for several minutes. It was painful. People were visibly cringing.
Do not let your overbearing parents take over. Do not.
You want sharks, go get sharks!
My birthday is Halloween and our wedding date is mid November.
We went to Vegas and stayed at the Mandalay Bay hotel for my Halloween birthday and blow off some pre-wedding steam. We got way too drunk and ending up getting married early. We got married at the Mandalay Bay hotel and got free tickets to the shark tank there.
There is a picture of us, completely wasted, in Halloween costumes, holding up our marriage certificated with a shark behind us. It cost $150.
We vow to never tell a soul. That picture and our real marriage certificate is hidden in a picture frame behind our fake certificate and picture.
Our November wedding was a mess. People were getting drunk. Making remarks about how I was going to get laid that night. My mother-in-law embarrassed us. My nephew was barley a year old and walking like a drunk. We were pulled apart from each other the whole day. Half of those people left after we served cake. One woman was digging for gold in her nose when we said our vows. It cost $5,000+.
You don’t have to go out all 9 yards for these people. It is your day, remember it. If you want to get drunk, get married in Mandalay Bay, and see some sharks. You do you. Who cares if your Great Aunt Kathy wants a family events with EVERYONE with rose gold colors. Great Aunt Kathy isn’t getting married, you are.
If you want sharks, go get sharks.
Fifteen minutes for photos only!
Letting my mother steamroller about so much stuff. The main one, though, was when she told us that if we spent more than fifteen minutes having photos taken, our guests would get bored waiting. So we literally had fifteen minutes for photos after the ceremony. We’ve been married for four years and I could still kick myself for listening to her about that.
No cell phones!
We didn’t put a sign out that said “NO CELL PHONES DURING THE CEREMONY” when I was walking down the aisle, people had their phones out in front of my father and I. I didn’t see my husband’s face until my father gave me away.
Note: Comments have been edited for clarity