Everyone has rough days, but have you ever had a day that's made you just say, "F MY LIFE"?
You're not alone. These brave souls share their most horrifying
Today, my boyfriend of two years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it’d be a nice reminder of him for me.
“Screw You, Jackson.”
Today, after work I went to the parking lot to my car to go home. I found my car doors heavily scratched and all my tires cut, with a note on my windshield. The note read, “Screw you, Jackson.” I’m Tyler. Jackson is my co-worker.
“Sorry For Lying”
Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, “I have to go, there’s a cute guy on this elevator.”
Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, “Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her.”
High Class Interview
Today, I had my first job interview and didn’t have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride into the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn’t speak.
It is Technically a GIFT card
Today, it’s my 18th birthday. My parents got me a $5 gift certificate to iTunes. It came for free with the iPhone they just bought my sister for her middle school graduation.
“Tonight’s The Night”
Today, I heard my boyfriend of 3 months talking with his friend, not knowing I could hear them.
“Tonight’s the night,” my boyfriend says. “I’m finally going to tell her I love her!”
I got really excited, because I loved him too. But then his friend says, “Awesome! But what about Kayla?”
Call Me Sis… Or Mom
Today, I found out that my sister who is 16 years older than me is actually my biological mother. She and my parents decided it was best that I didn’t know who my real mother was, and to be raised by my grandparents as their child. I’ve always hated my sister.
Telecom Is The Future
Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she’s looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I’m going to medical school.
Fired Over Text
Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don’t have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired.
Chew Your Food
Today, I choked on steak during a big family dinner. They were so busy talking no one even noticed me making the classic I am choking motions so I started punching my brother in the arm as hard as I could. After what felt like an hour, he turned towards me and said, “What??” Then he started punching me back really hard, until he FINALLY realized I was choking. He reached down my throat and pulled the steak out while my mom had hysterics.
Old Sex Noises
Today, I had to sleep in the same room as my grandparents. They checked to see if I was asleep, so I pretended to be to avoid getting scolded for staying up. Turns out they were checking so that they could make love. I witnessed two 70-year-olds have sex in the bed next to me for 20 minutes.
Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said “I believe in you, -Mom.” FML
Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me. I got immediately annoyed by it, and said, “Did I say you could take a picture?” He replied with, “No, but can you get the F out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids?” I turned around, and they were right behind me.
Can I Burn My Ears Off
Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand.
Today, brand new cocktail dress: $300. Matching peep toe heels: $100. Getting my hair done at the salon: $80. Treating myself to a mani/pedi: $50. When finally meeting the guy I have been chatting online with for 2 months, I find out he’s my cousin: priceless.
Don’t Look At Me!”
Today, my boyfriend told me he’d drive me to the jeweler’s to pick out a ring. We drove there, I picked the ring, and the sales person rang it up. I glanced at my boyfriend, only for him to reply, “Well don’t look at me!”
Today, I came home to find a sock on my bed that I had previously used to whack off. It had googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read, “Because you can’t find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom.”
Today, I went up to a secluded mountain my boyfriend took me to for our first date. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phoned my boyfriend to tell him someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone started playing from the bush.
Where are The Keys?!
Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn’t find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain.
Every Last Drop
Today, I caught a co-worker licking the inside of a drinking cup I threw away. This has happened on multiple occasions.
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, “Soon, this will be plump with my seed.”
Not The Ben and Jerry’s
Today, my house got broken into. My brand new laptop was stolen, along with my flatscreen TV, digital camera, external hard drive and some clothes. Wanting to drown my sorrows in the Ben and Jerry’s Phish Food ice cream in the freezer, I opened the door to find that it too had been stolen.
Today, I realized after turning in my resume to over 100 job openings over the past month, that the resume I’ve been submitting does not have my phone number or any other contact information besides my name.
Do People Still Use Payphones
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25 cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain.
Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her only to find my parents having sex. On my piano.
“Not In This Lifetime.”
Today, the guy that I like took me to the Cavaliers game. At the game, on the JumboTron they do a thing where they show couples and have them kiss, the camera goes on to us and as I go in to kiss him he turns and says “not in this lifetime.” The entire stadium got to see me get rejected.
I Miss That Bike
Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched as someone stole my bike.
Today, I was cleaning my father’s study room and wondering why I did not receive my acceptance/rejection letter from a college I really wanted. I found the acceptance letter, on his desk, also approving of a full scholarship. The deadline to confirm was a month ago.
Still Taste The Suds
Today, my parents punished me and made me wash my mouth out with soap for cursing. I’m almost 19. I said the word “hell”.
Today, at a hard rock concert, a bunch of guys accidentally knocked down a port-a-potty while moshing. I was inside that port-a-potty.
Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam.
I was descending from a climb and it was getting quite late. After making the 200-foot rappel down a cliff, one of the ropes got stuck and I couldn’t pull it down. My partner and I had to downclimb steep rock and snow with no ropes to get to the next rappel station and make it off the mountain. We ended up walking back in the dark from the bottom of the route and making it to camp a little after midnight.
Be There In A Few Baby
Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying, “I just dropped the b*tch off I’ll be there in a few baby, miss you.” I asked him about it. He said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Megan.” My name isn’t Megan. Not even close.
Today, I got locked in a dressing room. It was really slow and there wasn’t any attendent. I was in there for somewhere around one million years before I heard someone and yelled for help. Well, it might have been more like seven minutes…
Change The Sheets
Today, my husband got violently ill with a stomach virus. After four hours of comforting him between trips to the bathroom the virus kicked in on me. We spent the entire night taking turns in the bathroom, going at both ends.
Exhausted and having to get up early, we each took an Immodium and went to be early. An hour later, I awoke to a wet, squishy sensation, accompanied by the most awful stench. My husband, was finally sleeping and I dreaded what I would find. I had sharted the bed.
A really bad day.
First I missed my job interview because the GPS on my phone took me 30 minutes away to a Sam’s Club. Then when I went to go buy myself a hat I locked my keys in my car. Now I have to take an hour long train ride all the way back to my neighborhood, crawl through the doggy door to get my spare car key, and come all the way back just so I can drive all the way back home.
Ay, Fluffy. What shampoo do you use?
I work at an animal hospital. I take care of our boarding dogs and cats as well as assist the vets and vet technicians with examinations. Today was a particularly gruelling and gross day. I saw infected wounds, anal gland juice, urine and poop, all day.
I’m always disgusting by the end of the day as well as achy, so I sometimes take a bath. Today my mom gave me some Avon samples, one of which was an oil you put in the water before you get in. So, I happily poured this seemingly enjoyable oil into the bath. As soon as the smell hit me, I had a scent flashback…to my grandmother’s dog. And then I remembered she used to wash the dog with an Avon product, the shampoo version of the oil I had just poured in my bath. My hot water heater can only handle one tub full of hot water so I had to hop on in, or face not being able to wash at all. Thus, now instead of smelling like dirty dog, I just smell like my grandma’s, albiet clean, dog.
Punishment for being sick.
I started working as a receptionist in a salon but to start I’m only part-time while on a probationary period.
Stylists are a bit of a dramatic bunch to say the least. We’ve had a stomach bug and a respiratory cold going around, and one morning (after a terrible night’s sleep) I woke up with a bit of both. So I took some ibuprofen and Dayquil with my morning joe. I just moved here, and money is tight, so since I wasn’t vomiting or feverish I toughed it out. I used to work in food service so I’ve dealt with worse.
Being the holiday season, this day (a Saturday) was super busy. I got slammed until my awful coworker came in, who was then short tempered. All the stylists shouted at me for things beyond my control, but I managed to keep my cool. Nobody seems to care for me much simply because I’m new. But they took it to a new level.
After a couple days, my manager and I overlapped shifts today. Despite having told her that I have been sick, she informed me that I was getting a formal write up because the stylists had accused me of being high. I explained myself, and she was sympathetic, but APPARENTLY it didn’t matter.
Time to quit. Done with this.
Become one with the alarm.
I recently bought a panic alarm for safety. It’s extremely loud and it works by pulling a keychain out of a socket. I tested it and it worked fine at home.
Today I’m going to work on the subway with my noise canceling headphones on. I can’t hear anything with these things on. I was sitting on the train when I heard an alarm sound off in between songs. I thought it was a false alarm from the train as everyone was still sitting and minding their own business.
After a couple minutes people start staring at me. I’m getting anxious and confused. I can’t hear the alarm anymore because of my headphones. I thought the alarm was fixed. I get off the train and am walking to the exit. People keep turning their heads to look at me. I took my headphones off and realized that the sound was following me. I realized it was my alarm.
I raced into my bag and turned it off. The keychain had come off while it was in my bag. The alarm comes back on as the chain is now broken. It’s even louder because it’s out of my bag.
I thought to hell with it, ran to the washroom and flushed it down the toilet. I then called Amazon for a refund for this faulty piece of garbage.
We’ve all stubbed a toe here and there. That hurts worse than a handful of stove or that piece of chicken you couldn’t wait to taste. Perhaps the best (really, the only good) part of stubbing your toe is that after a few moments of one-legged rabbit dance practice and the gutteral moan contest, the pain goes away, and you can forget about it.
Until it happens again.
Now, this has happened to us all at least once. We stub our toe, cry like a baby, move on, stub the same toe again like it owes you money. It’s misery in its purest, most malicious form. But, again, the pain subsides, and you can move on as wary as teachers looking out for bra straps.
Until it happens again.
At this point you begin questioning what in the world you could’ve done to upset God so much that he’s sentenced you to hell without actually killing you first. You considering ending it all, sacrificing your toe or maybe even your whole foot, just so the pain will go away. This time, the pain doesn’t dissipate like it had before. Your toe throbs like an adolescent boys Willy wanger when he sees a goth girlfriend You can suck it up though because you’re a man and you don’t take this from no damn toe.
Until it happens yet again
For God’s sake, there must be a magnet inside your toe that is more attracted to literally anything than you were to your second grade math teacher.
Now, if each of these incidents were isolated and spread out by a thousand years, you might be able to survive just one. But when they all happen within a two hour time period, while you’re wearing socks and shoes and sweating and running and basically doing everything you shouldn’t be when such a thing occurs, it gets ugly.
Here’s my number but don’t call.
So I’ve been trying to get a job at a local theater because I need a job. I figured that a movie theater would be a good place to start considering that this would be my first job and all. I turned in my application yesterday and had a nice chat with the manager who took my application, and he said that if they needed an extra hand they’d give me a call.
Well something that might sound unrelated to the above paragraph is that, for some reason, I get a lot of spam/robocallers/telemarketer calls and I also don’t answer numbers I don’t recognize. So, whenever these kinds of numbers call me I just decline the call and go on with my life.
So with those two paragraphs combined, guess who got a phone call from a number they didn’t recognize and out of reflex ignored it? And of course as soon as I ignore the call it hits me that I do, in fact, recognize the number, as it’s the number of the movie theater I applied with.
I can only hope they buy the “It was Thanksgiving and I didn’t have my phone” excuse. That’s assuming they call me back and still want to talk to me.
Shunned by dad.
Down in Houston where the big wet hurricane happened, I was at a party getting trashed with friends. I got a text from a number not in my phone something like, “There is a hurricane. Be careful, stay dry.” I responded to it with a link to a raunchy adult video site because I thought it was funny.
I now realized it was my father, and he no longer talks to me.
When it’s really, really not your day.
I sit down for a game of League of Legends (ARAM). During this ARAM, I have a small ring of snacks around me and some trusty “Great Value” pretzel sticks next to me. After finishing my other snacks I turned to my pretzel sticks and ate a couple hands worth. Then about a quarter of the way through I bit down on something that felt like a plastic BB. I felt something crack but it felt like a pepper seed cracking between my teeth. As I bit down again I felt it again but realized that my bite felt weird, same crunching noise and feeling. So, I spit this mouthful of pretzel out into my garbage full of snotty tissues from being sick all weekend. That’s when I realize a quarter of my molar is GONE. My head hurts, my mouth is in shambles, I’m still sick, and sifting through half-chewed pretzels with no job and no dental insurance. As of now I am giving up on finding what actually broke my tooth. You win today, Great Value.