We're all weirdos in our own right, but sometimes you see catch someone doing something that REALLY has you doing a double-take. These people share stories of the weirdest thing they've ever caught someone else doing.
I used to deliver pizza in Seattle, downtown. Cool job, got to know the whole city. As you probably know, it rains here often.
There’s a stretch of old highway 99, aka Aurora Ave, just barely North of downtown where the road starts to change from a highway into a city street. Old hotel there that has too many stories for comfort. Also, importantly, a dip in the road over by the curb where rainwater would pool during heavy precipitation.Puddle Man would stand right there, on the corner, in the rain. Right next to the fast moving highway and the large pool of rainwater on the road. We saw him all the time. Puddle Man was fat – really fat, and he wore a yellow rain slicker with the hood up. Sometimes he was under an umbrella. You know, because he didn’t want to get rained on. Pretty sensible. Oh, except he forgot to button the rain slicker up. And he forgot to wear pants.
Puddle Man would stand right there for hours, in the perfect spot to get COMPLETELY SOAKED by the huge bow waves of water that would be splashed up by all the cars driving past. Calmly, facing the street, no expression on his face, rain bouncing from his hood or umbrella. Just letting the waves wash over him as car after car fwoomed through his puddle.It was weird, but it was awesome. It looked fun! I and the other pizza drivers would swerve toward him a little, just to get deeper into the dip and make a bigger wave. I almost knocked him off his feet during one particularly heavy downpour. I like to think that he appreciated that. He never seemed to get tired of it.
Weird Old Guy
Worked at a factory, was taking a dump, opened the stall door when I was finished and I see this coworker who was kind of a nutty older guy. Anyway we had these big round metal fountain style sinks in the middle of the floor. So he is standing there wearing his work pants and his shirt is off and he is fully lathering up his whole body with soap and water. I’m just looking at him like what the f*ck? Finally I say, “We can’t shower in here man.”
Turns out a hydraulic hose had burst soaking him in fluid. He was just trying to clean it off while someone fetched a company picnic t-shirt from a box in the office that he could wear home.
It was really funny though, I really thought he had finally cracked.
A man on the subway casually took a halved lime out of his sock, squeezed the juice into his hands, rubbed it on his face and neck, and then put the half back in his sock as if nothing has happened.
I once saw a guy, with a camping grill in the passenger seat, making pancakes while driving his little Pontiac as fast as it could muster down a busy highway.
“Shut the door!”
In middle school, I was kind of a nerd. I had a lot of clout with the teachers, and would often get handed their keys without supervision because they knew I wasn’t going to cause trouble.
8th grade, after school, I needed to get into the science storage room for something. I couldn’t find the teacher that normally had the keys anywhere – Mr. V. Anyway, I went up to the office and one of the ladies gave me the key.
I made my way back to the science room, and then to the back of the room where the storage room door was. I thought I heard giggling. I figured it was nothing, so I opened the door with the key. What I saw was the most bizarre display… I couldn’t make it up if I tried. There was Mr. V, between the steel wire shelves, with his pants around his ankles, an Erlenmeyer Flask on his erect penis, and a test tube up to his forehead like a unicorn. He turned around and saw me, dropped the test tube (which shattered), and hopped to the back of the room, yelling “SHUT THE DOOR, AVIDIST!!”
Needless to say I shut the door.
He resigned at the end of that semester. I don’t know what the f*ck he was doing, but that image will be forever burned in my mind.
My friend used to like the smell of pencils. But not just plain pencils, pencils that had been in the oven for a while. It would be weird to walk into a room and he’d be sniffing hot pencils.
Ranch is Life
I was walking up to a friends place, and looked through the window and saw his roommate, sitting alone in the semi-darkness, chugging ranch dressing from the bottle. He saw me see him drinking it.
He put it down very quickly, and I went and knocked. The roommate answered the door, and I just pretended I hadn’t seen him and never said anything about it to him to this day.
Bare ass in a Urinal
I walked into the bathroom at a bar and a guy was getting a bj while sitting in the urinal. Bare ass in the urinal.
I once saw an elderly woman at our storage unit. She walked in with a handful of letters and when she opened her locker there was nothing inside but a heap of unopened letters that was almost as tall as she was. We left before she did and she apparently had parked next to us, because there was a car that had the interior completely filled with mail. There was literally only a small space for the driver everything else all the way to the ceiling was mail.
I used to play with this one kid in my apartment building, and one time, I came by his place at the usual time, only to find him sniffing something/ dipping his fingers in and licking something in an old Ponds cold cream jar. I ask him what he’s doing only to find his mouth covered in literal shit. This kid was pooping in the jar and then eating it. Safe to say I told his rather negligent mom and never hung out with him again. I was 8 years old and still get grossed out thinking about it 23 years later…
In college, I walked in on my roommate in the bathroom giving himself a nipple piercing with a paper clip.
My father saw this, but he worked at some Amish cheese factory or somethin’, but one day he just saw a guy pick up some cheese and fck it. He just fcked it like there was no tomorrow.
My dad refuses to eat any cheese. It’s been 23 years since that happened.
I was the one who got caught… I was listening to a lot of DMX at the time and was practicing barking like him and practicing his raspy voice in what I thought was an empty room in my office. My coworker pokes his head around the corner and says “are you…barking?”
Peer into his soul
Park ranger here. Part of my responsibilities are to lock bathrooms after the parks close. Walked into a single stall bathroom to find a small, approximately 50 year old Asian man in this bathroom. He was 100% naked, staring into the mirror, vigorously beating off. As soon as I walked into the room, he turned around, looked at me, then turned back to the mirror and continued.
Had no idea what to do. They don’t train you for this sh*t.
One way to drink
Walked in on my roommates injecting a syringe (no needle) of vodka into each other’s butts. Open front door. Pants around one’s ankles. Other one was forcing the syringe in. Deer in headlights look for both.
I was caught by one of my employees at work… eating a bag of cheetos with chopsticks. I thought the lack of orange fingers was brilliant…
I was waiting in my car to pick up my boyfriend from campus and a guy was making his way across the otherwise empty sidewalk gesticulating wildly while conversing angrily with a squirrel.
The squirrel was following him and every few feet he turned around to yell at it. It would stop and listen but every time he tried to walk off the squirrel resumed following him and the whole cycle would start over. It was amazing. I’ll never forget it.
A little girl in tears was screaming at an owl to bring her mommy back.
I walked in on my sister completely naked, wearing only flippers and a snorkel. IN WINTER.
I was at a house party and we all crashed in the living room afterwards. I woke up early in the AM to get some water and as I am walking back to my couch I see my friend pissing on his wife as she sleeps on a recliner. She wakes up and says “Did you piss on me? Not again! You can’t do this in someone else’s house!”
I was in the bathroom at work when a man maybe in his 30s or 40s entered. While I was washing my hands he cupped his under the automatic soap dispenser, filled them with soap, and put the handful of soap into his mouth. He just kinda swooshed it around before swallowing it, doing that satisfied lip smack thing, and walked out of the bathroom.
In the act
I caught somebody walking in on me masturbating.
Caught my brother making out with a poster sized photo of Marilyn Monroe.
10-11 yr old boy jacking off in the frozen section of a grocery store.
Amazon Fire Stick
Not necessarily in the act but scrolling through my amazon fire sticks photos, which all of my families kindles and amazon products are connected, found nude pictures of my brother that he didn’t realize got uploaded to the cloud…
I work for the fire department and we had to cut off a stick shift handle of a manual transmission car because a girl tried to masturbate on the “T” handle stick shift and got stuck on it. It was real tough to keep a straight face throughout.
Was at some beach when I was like 10 years old, walked into the change room / toilets to find some naked 60 year old man standing on top of some benches slathering shampoo all over his body. I just 180’d it out of there and told my brother to go inside, he came out with the biggest “WTF” face ever.
Buddy From High School
Got an apartment with a guy I knew from high school. I walked in on him painting my bicycle with a paintbrush. “What are you doing with my bike?” I asked. “Oh it’s yours? I found it in the back porch.. I was going to sell it.” He retorted. “You can’t sell my bike!” —-“Don’t worry, I’ll split the money with you.”
Friend of mine spent the night. He woke me up because he was humping the spare mattress. I acted like it wasn’t happening. A year later, he stayed over again. I was playing Star Wars Galaxies and he was on my bed watching 2 Fast 2 Furious. Dude started humping the mattress again. While I was maybe 3 feet away and still awake.
Like I had better movies to hump a mattress too, man.
Caught my step brother once. Had his ankles by his ears, a**hole in the air. He had caked himself in baby powder and was farting, laughing at the clouds that it made.
He was 15.
So many questions.
So a few years back I was driving to town with my ex to grab some groceries. About halfway there, my phone rings, it’s her mom, so I pull the car over to answer the phone. About a minute into the call a car pulls up behind us and the driver gets out. The other driver pops their trunk, grabs a shovel and basket, and closes their trunk. At this point we’re starting my car so we can bail, because we’re pretty sure we’re gonna die. The other driver walks out to the middle of the road, scoops up a dead raccoon, puts it in the basket, returns the shovel and basket to their trunk, and drives off. We looked at each other wondering what we just saw and drove away.
Can I help you?
I was working retail during a big sale. It was an athletics store that sold clothing and footwear. I was assigned to the footwear area as usual for that day, and at the time grabbing a pair of shoes for a customer to try on. The backroom consisted of rows of shelving that created aisles for us to walk up and down, and at this moment we were really overstocked so there were shoe boxes stacked up creating little walls everywhere; we had a box fort made.
So I go into the back and get the shoes for the guy to try on when I hear a sound. Which is odd, since I’m the only one working here today. Maybe backup has arrived and I didn’t notice? I investigate the sound and go around the corner to the box fort area. Hiding in one of the aisles behind a row of boxes is a lady that is half dressed, in pretty much only her underwear. She sees me and freezes. Turns out the line for the change room was really long so she came into the Employee Only area to try something on. Rather than tell her she wasn’t supposed to be back there, my customer service instincts kicked in. I said, “Can I give you a hand?”, and instantly realized it sounds like a line from a bad movie. She blushes and tells me she needs a different size but she will get herself because I am probably busy and she apologizes for me finding her like that. I just smile and nod and walk away.
Not the weirdest thing I have seen someone doing in my life, but it is the weirdest that I have actually caught someone doing. Someone who clearly isn’t much of a exhibitionist… getting undressed in an area where they could be caught at any second.
A hero among us.
I lived in Las Vegas for a while and one day I was driving along Koval Lane, a road that parallels Las Vegas Boulevard behind the casinos. As I was waiting on a red light, a young man came walking up the sidewalk to my right where there was a small area landscaped with several large rocks arranged in sort of a circle. As the young man reached this rock circle, he suddenly stopped and took on a Bruce Lee “Enter the Dragon” sort of stance. Then he reached over his head with both hands and pulled out the most magnificent imaginary ninja sword the world has never actually seen. With the grace of a ballerina he commenced to kill no less than 8 imaginary bad guys before my very eyes. After this bloody slaughter, he calmly returned his sword to its sheath and continued walking as if nothing happened. It was amazing.
The legend of Seagull Man.
Seagull Man. My friends and I were at a red light and we saw a guy at a bus stop doing what we could only describe as a “wounded seagull dance”. He would flap his arms erratically and slowly stomp his feet while raising and lowering his head. He stopped a few times and returned to a normal standing pose, then maybe scratch the back of his neck, then get back to the dance. He was an average-dressed guy in his 20s and he was standing near a couple that looked like they knew him. He reached out to the girl to rub her shoulders like Buster from Arrested Development, then went right back into seagull mode.
That’s not what samples are for.
I was waiting for my wife while we were out shopping. She was in a store, and I saw this very skinny thug walking in my direction. His hands were full of things he’d just bought and his already-sagging pants were quickly falling down with no hands to support them. He finally put all the stuff down to adjust himself, then walks into some perfume/cologne store, and heads to the sample tray thingy. He sprays as much cologne into one hand as humanly possible, rubs his hands together, and rubs it all over his face and head like it was soap, and then disappears into the mall with all his stuff and smelling unimaginably strong. It was the funniest and strangest thing I have ever witnessed at a mall.
THAT is real talent.
I’d worked really late one Friday, and I was on the bus home. Sitting on the floor in the buggy bay was a well dressed lady, who looked to be in her mid-40s. She had an empty bottle of wine next to her. As I boarded the bus, she had just opened her second.
In the ten minute journey to my stop, she drank an entire bottle of wine and ate an entire selection tray of Cadbury chocolate bars. But you know, we’ve all been there. She’d saved the Crunchie for last. Crunchies are my favourites too so I respect that. The honeycomb coated in chocolate is the ideal combination.
She then unwrapped the entire Crunchie bar, and swallowed it in one. That is a solid six inches of honeycomb-coated chocolate in one go.
(Comments have been edited for clarity)