Cops have got to deal with a lot of serious problems everyday. Then there are the not so serious problems… It must be frustrating being diverted from your routine to have to settle an argument over the remote control, or some punk kid prank calling.
Here, police officers share the most absurd calls they had to make. Enjoy! And check out the sources at the bottom for even more.
1. One for the birds.
In my rookie year I went to a lady’s apartment for a possible burglary. When we got there, she told us the birds on her roof were annoying her and we had to clear them off. My Sgt went ballistic and told her if she ever misused 911 again, she would be arrested.
2. Extra foamy justice.
At my school, the cops were called because a homeless man asked a sorority girl for money and she flipped out and knocked over her frapacino. Obviously he didn’t have the money to pay for it and she called the cops. When they got there and figured out what they had been called for, the police officer went to the counter and bought a frapacino. He then proceeded to give it to the homeless man and escorted him off campus. He seemed pretty irritated he had been called.
3. Turtle-trouble on the double.
I work in a city that has houses starting at $500K, which for North Texas ain’t too shabby, and other parts where the houses start out about 1/4 the price. There is a car wash that is on the nice side of town and it backs up to a creek. A patron that was having her car washed and detailed, called us up to tell us there was a turtle and she was concerned about other peoples safety. I thought it was a snapping turtle when we got the call. Nope, box turtle.
Another call had me respond to the neighborhood adjacent to the golf course. Someone had called in a suspicious truck and trailer cruising around the neighborhood. I get there, it was just a bunch of regular landscapers with their equipment. The lady called up because she thought it was suspicious they were there on a Wednesday, when she gets her lawn done on Thursdays. The thought didn’t cross her mind that other people use the same or similar company on different days.
I hate my city sometimes.
4. Pizza profiling.
I was a police officer in a smaller city for several years. One night, we got a call from someone about a ‘suspicious black male’ on their front porch. As we were en route to the call, the caller became more and more frantic with dispatch and began saying that the man was trying to break into their home. I arrived on scene and the first thing I saw was a car parked in the driveway with its headlights on and the pizza delivery sign illuminated and attached to the roof. (Story continues…)
Story continues on the next page!
I then saw said guy in a pizza delivery uniform standing on the front porch holding a couple of pizzas. I started laughing and walked over to the guy and told him that someone called us and told us that he was trying to break into the house. He was really cool about it and we talked for a bit. I then radioed dispatch and asked them who the caller was. Turns out, the caller was inside that house and they had ordered the pizza 30 minutes earlier. I was astonished that they had called the police on someone that they were expecting to show up. I ended up telling the pizza delivery guy that they had called the police on him and then I left him there to do with the pizzas whatever he felt necessary. I hope that justice was served.
5. Free evidence.
One New Year’s Eve, we had a man call in asking where the DUI checkpoints would be set up because he and the missus just wanted to go out and “have a good time.” He was informed that the “DUI checkpoints” were called police officers, would be set up anywhere in town at any given time, and emphatically encouraged to NOT drink and drive.
6. Solomon’s judgement.
I was sent to a 911 call where a father and adult son were arguing over the last Dr. Pepper. I walked in, grabbed two glasses out of their dish strainer, and poured it equally among them.
7. Spend a night in the play-pen kid.
I was a cop for about five years in a fairly well-to-do area of my town. One particularly memorable call I received was because a mom and dad decided that their son needed a spanking BUT they wanted an officer to do it so their child “wouldn’t see them as bad parents.”
I calmly told them no and walked right back out of the door.
8. Chemical welfare.
Fairly soon after 9/11 and the anthrax scares, one of the women in my building decided she needed to buy one of those full body hazmat suits. When it was delivered, she opened it up to find “small packets of white powder.” She immediately called 911 claiming Bin Laden had taken over the hazmat suit business and was putting anthrax in them. (Story continues…)
Continued on the next page!
The packets were those “do not eat – silicon” things they put in to keep out moisture.
Another woman wanted to thank the local firemen for their response during 9/11, so she called 911 and reported a gas leak. When the cops and fire trucks showed up, she gave them cookies she had baked.
9. Their neighbourhood watch must be ridiculous.
Repeatedly get calls in a more affluent part of our county complaining about a neighbour mowing and the cut grass landing on the complainant’s lawn. Same area…complaint about a pizza delivery car parked on the curb. Apparently the car wasn’t up to the “standards” of the neighbourhood and they didn’t want it visible. They were actually delivering a pizza. Side note: pizza car was a newer model than my cruiser.
10. Cracking the case.
My uncle got called because this lady shared her crack with her boyfriend last week and he wouldn’t share his crack with her this week.
11. Fun police.
Was a security guard at a rich people’s gated community place. Crazy lady on the HOA board required us to call the police if:
- * Outside people ride their bicycles past the gate.
- * Any boats pull up on the beach.
- * Any outside people go swimming on the beach.
- * Anyone in the community has a beach campfire.
- * Anyone in the community uses fireworks. Including on the 4th of July.
Also, she made a rule that no motorcycles or cars with loud exhausts were allowed inside.. even if they lived there. That was fun to enforce. That was not a fun job.
12. Saving face.
I GET SO MANY CALLS ABOUT PEOPLE’S FACEBOOK. (Story continues…)
Continued on the next page!
HERE IS THE BLOCK BUTTON. BLOCK THEM. I WILL NOT GO ARREST THEM BECAUSE THEY SAID A MEAN THING ABOUT YOU.
13. Werewolf infestation.
The Atherton police blotters how up in my local paper, and they’re always worth a read. My favorite is one that says something to the effect of: “Police received a call from an elderly lady who complained of a bright light shining outside her window. When called to check on the situation, police confirmed that the bright light was in fact the Moon.”
14. Pillow talk.
Been a cop for just under a year now. Fortunately enough I don’t get that many ridiculous calls – here are two that come to mind though:-
1. We get a call from a woman to say she wants her SO arrested for assault because he threw a pillow at her yeah
To make matters worse, as this had happened inside a home between a couple, it was classified as a ‘domestic incident’. My force’s policy is to treat all domestics as immediate response calls. So we were blasting it through the streets of a major city to get to the pillow incident
2. We attended this teenage girls house to take a report of malicious communications. She informed us that her friend had ‘hacked into’ her Facebook account and called her a slag. Who on earth goes to the cops for that?!
15. I yell at the TV too.
I work in a decent sized town on night shift. One night I received a call about people inside of this old ladies home.
Needless to say we rush and get there and walk up to the door. Oh the horrid stench that filled my nostrils. The lady urinated in anything she could find and placed them wherever she was at, like a cup by the door, a pot on the stove, and a plastic tub in the hallway.
Well now we are in the house and realize the “people” inside her house are the people on TV. Apparently she forgot to take her meds and these guys on 2am bible tv wouldn’t get out of her house. So needless to say we contact EMS to transport and things get even funnier. (Story continues…)
Story continues on the next page!
The two EMS guys that show up just add fuel to her fire, one spoke in a heavy French accent, and the other sounds very feminine, but looks like a big burly man. She begins asking for the ‘female doctor and the frog.’
To top it all off, she believed there were feral cats in her house and would not go to the hospital until I got them out. So here I am looking like a jackass chasing invisible cats, full on running and chasing them outside yelling “Get!!” At like 3am now because that’s the only thing I can think of that may work. It actually did and she went to the hospital to find out she was very sick.
After all was said and done the only thing I could think of was what the heck did I just witness?
16. Just another day on the beat.
Been a cop for a few years now and these are the first few that came to mind although there are many others:
-Neighbour planted tree that would obstruct their view in 50+ years (I walked away after speaking to the complainant);
-Mom called in that her daughter was psychotic and suicidal because she didnt want to go to the mall with her (took mom for psych eval);
-Wife called in domestic because her husband was destroying her things (she was a hoarder, he snapped and started cleaning);
-Two, …both, called in because they had been driving down the street facing each other and neither would move to the side to pass for 20 minutes blocking traffic in both directions including all the way back to a major blind intersection (I made them both move back to their last intersection, come forward, then made them both move to the side before they could pass… they were more than pissed off at me);
-Someone 4 blocks away was parked perpendicular in a parallel spot… in their own private driveway (did not issue a ticket, got a public complaint from that complainant for not knowing the bylaws. Responded, does not apply and even if it did, I wouldn’t issue a ticket);
The troll who lived underneath me called the cops three times in a month, each time saying it was something serious until they actually showed up: 1st time: She complained about the sound of me moving back and forth in the shower after 10PM. 2nd time: I dropped a pot in the kitchen at 4PM and she felt I did it on purpose since I should’ve known her baby was napping. 3rd time: Noise complaint for a loud party. No clue on that one. I was asleep with all the lights off when the cops showed up. They threatened to arrest her for false reports if she called again.
18. Now serving: Justice.
So one of the calls I want on was for a disturbance, lady was upset because her husband said her food tasted bad and she wanted him to apologize. When I got there I saw food was burnt to all hell. I told her I was leaving and that she should go take cooking classes… Or taste her food. She refused and said I was a jerk. I said yup sure am, but If you won’t eat it why should he. (Story continues…)
Continued on the next page!
Another one was we had a lady screaming in an AT&T store because they didn’t have the new iPhone 5 at the time. She was screaming that they were trying to steal from her because they offered to order one for her or she could purchase another phone.
This was madness! An outrage! As an upper class white woman she deserves what she wants now! And when she called the store clerk a racial slur, he said he was offended and she received some nice silver bracelets after she wouldn’t leave on her own.
19. I’ve seen some things, things you won’t believe.
I’ve been a police officer for a long time, so I’ve seen my share of ridiculous calls.
– Got a report of a possible domestic in progress (a party was banging on a man’s door, and he was afraid to leave) turned out to be his friend who he invited over (no he did not check who it was, I wish I was making this up).
– Called out to a residence by a concerned citizen that someone had their dogs in the yard when it was raining. He was worried they would “get too wet and sick”. It was about 60F (16C) out, and the dogs looked quite happy in the rain.
– Man reported that his neighbor’s yard wasn’t as well kept as his, and it was driving his property value down.
– Called to a parking lot where a teenager was concerned that his two friends were going to get in a fist fight over who got to sit in the front seat. I pretty much just stood there glaring at them until they both got into the back seat when I got there.
– Got called to a woman’s house to verify that her power was actually out. It was.
– A woman was blocking the road on a main street in town, because someone was in her favorite parking spot and she wouldn’t move until she could park there.
– Received a call that a man’s friend wouldn’t return his DVDs a night early (they were shortly returned).
– A woman called saying that she lost a ring and a pack of cigarettes. Upon arriving and after looking for about 10 minutes, she realized she was wearing the ring, and she had smoked the cigarettes.
– A man stormed into the PD, furious that his wife had opened a new savings account under her name without the bank getting his permission.