Family is supposed to stick by you, no matter what. But what happens when conflict isn't coming from outside of the family unit, but inside of it? When toxic family members crossed the line, these people cut them out of their lives. It was a hard choice to make, but they ultimately decided it was better to live without their family and be happy than live with them and be miserable.
(Content has been edited for clarity)
"The last time I talked to my mother was when she phoned me to say she found out about my depression and that I was on medication for it. I hid it from her because I knew she didn't like medication and didn't believe in mental health issues. Instead of being supportive, she proceeded to tell me depression isn't real, to grow a backbone, and that I was feeling sorry for myself. I hung up the phone and haven't talked to her since. She still texts me from time to time, and I read every one. I can't bring myself to block her number."
"My wife and I had separated for a period, but we were working on mending our relationship. My wife went to the bar with my sister for her birthday, and my brother spent the entire night trying to talk her into sleeping with him. I wanted to punch him in the nose, but then he'd just have played the victim. I didn't want anyone to feel sorry for him, so I screenshotted the messages he sent my wife after the fact, posted them to Facebook, and tagged him in them so all of his friends could see what a piece of crap he was."
"My sister is insane. Just as a snippet of how crazy she is:
She once locked me out of my house and proceeded to flip me off as she puffed smoke at my birds. Her reasoning? I had asked her to smoke outside the day prior because the birds were having a hard time breathing. She was visiting at that point, so I'm not sure why she felt entitled to do what she pleased.
The last straw was her breaking into my room and throwing my rabbit and his cage against a wall because I asked her to leave (don't worry, he is fine, thankfully). I could go on and on about things she did, but you get the idea.
I didn't want that kind of poison in my life anymore, so my boyfriend and I moved out, and I dropped all contact with her. I regret giving her as many second chances as I did. I was in such a dark place back then that I'm surprised I'm still around. But man, am I so happy I am. My life has been peaceful without her in it."
"I haven't talked to either of my parents or half of my dad's side in seven years. My dad had a drinking problem. He used to beat and berate me, so I went to court when I was 13 and stopped visitation with him (my parents divorced when I was 3). I only saw him on holidays after that. I called him up after I got married and told him that I was no longer a Smith and would no longer have any contact with him (I was 18). Half of his family enables his behavior, so I ditched them, too.
My mom had borderline personality disorder and refused to take her meds or get any help, so I also stopped talking to her when I was 18. I started dating my now-husband, moved out of her house overnight and closed all of our joint accounts together. A month after that, we eloped. A month after I got married, my mom married a guy I only met once. I have seen her on a couple of occasions (grandma's funeral, pappaw's heart attack), but I act like she isn't even there and won't respond to her when she tries to talk to me. Some think it's harsh, but they don't know what it's like having been abandoned by her multiple times when her boyfriends didn't want a kid around (her addiction of choice was men). I'm positive that both of my parents will die alone."
"My mom has five siblings, but I thought she had four siblings until I was about 8 or 9 years old.
She has a sister that nobody talks to anymore. I think my grandparents occasionally email her, but they all cut the sister out of their lives because she got heavily into her addiction. My mom never specified but I suspect it was something serious. She started stealing from family members too. I think that more was going on, but I never asked about her. I know my grandparents spent a lot of money trying to rehabilitate her, but it never seemed to help.
I've met her twice. The first time was when I was a kid, and my mom decided to extend an olive branch and invite her to Easter dinner. I vividly remember my mom telling me to go in my room and hide my Powerpuff Girls wallet. It didn't occur to me until I was much older how messed up it was that I had to hide my wallet from my aunt.
I learned later that my mom caught my aunt trying to steal her sterling silver candlesticks and several pieces of silverware.
So I did not see my aunt again until my grandparents invited her to Christmas when I was around 14 or 15. All of the siblings were furious at my grandparents, and I remember it being extremely tense.
It had been so long since I saw my aunt that it was surreal seeing her walk through the door. She looked so much like my mom, it stung weirdly. It's hard to describe it because she looked like family but didn't feel like family, and my brain just couldn't comprehend the situation at the time.
When I saw her the second time, she seemed to be in a better place and had a boyfriend with her. I think they might have gotten married, but I can't remember.
She lives on the other side of the country now, and I haven't seen her since. I do remember a few years ago that my mom found out my aunt was trying to become a foster parent and I think she might have called the appropriate authorities and told them about my aunt's addiction problems.
My mom never talks about her sister. It's unfortunate. I can't imagine loving someone and growing up with someone and sharing a life with them only to become strangers.
From what little I've heard of my aunt, she was supposedly hilarious and had lots of friends. The only stories I ever hear about her are from when she was in high school. I think she might have acted in some plays too. That's about it."
"I stopped talking to my dad pretty much after I was 14, mostly because I was tired of his crap. He wasn't a great father or husband in all honesty, and I never really cared for him.
To give some backstory, he was incredibly lazy, had bipolar disorder, was a hypochondriac, would always find someone to blame, and he was an abusive prick to my mom. He didn't want to take his meds and would blame his disorder for everything rather than manning up and taking the blame. He beat and choked my mother multiple times before and after I was born. He was a real piece of crap.
He killed himself earlier this month, due to substance abuse and trying to escape debts to dealers. My grandparents were essentially shifting the blame to his kids, that being my sister and me, saying that 'we contributed to his death.' I ultimately didn't care; he didn't do anything to impact my life outside of contributing to my creation. I had better father figures throughout my life who ended up meaning a lot more than he ever did."
"I am the oldest of three sisters. My dad left, and my mom went on to abusive relationships and addiction. She was a homeless streetwalker for a while when we were kids. We moved in with our grandmother.
The mom relationship was easy to cut, she wasn't there.
The trouble I had was with my youngest sister. Let's call her Jane. She didn't remember my dad at all and had very few memories of our mom.
I did the best I could with my sisters, being a kid myself, but Jane wanted a normal life that we couldn't afford.
I got a job in college and started my life. My second sister had kids in her teens, and then Jane got accepted to college. She applied for what I understood to be a student loan. I had gone to community college, which I encouraged for her, but Jane wanted the full dorm life. I co-signed for a large loan but soon found out that it was not a student loan. When I confronted her, she said that she would take out another one each semester until she was done with school. No job, no plans to pay it back. I suggested a semester off to work between school, but she wouldn't hear of it. I couldn't take on the payments, which were due immediately, so I returned the check. I tried to explain to her why this would hurt us and how there was a better way that didn't jeopardize us both.
She was livid. She moved in with her boyfriend, who emailed me that I ruined her future. I didn't get a response when I replied and told him about the nature of the loan, and that I'd be happy to start another one with her that was a legit student loan. We had plenty of time.
I believe that she wanted more out of life than an old grandma and a (not much older) sister could provide. She threw the baby out with the bathwater when she didn't get her way.
Did I handle it well? No. Why did she think she deserved better than what I made due with? I didn't have the support that I was trying to provide her. Why did she expect me to sacrifice my future college degree to pay for hers?
I have regrets."
"I was never close to my extended families. I couldn't point them out of a lineup. I have no idea where any of them live. I am Facebook friends with some of them, but I have made zero effort to speak to any of them and they have made zero effort to talk to me.
I have stopped talking to my sister and make zero effort to talk to her. She's a toxic individual. Last year, she was arrested for failure to appear in court following a traffic ticket. I bailed her out, but I made the mistake of not asking for collateral before bailing her out. She had the money and told me that there were other people to pay back before she could even consider paying me back (the whole 'You're out of jail because of me' thing never occurred to her). The last time we spoke, she said that she shouldn't have had to pay me back because I didn't deserve it. We're both in our late 30s, but she still treats me like I'm a kid. She speaks to me like I am a kid and she still complains about aggression from childhood.
On Facebook, she's blaming me for everything wrong in her life, claiming that she had stayed in an abusive marriage for over 16 years because when we were kids, I hit her.
I hit her, she hit me, kids fight, but lucky me, I have a little sister who not only doesn't understand that but blames everything wrong in her life on that. She blames every bad choice she's made in her life on that. She has actively destroyed friendships and relationships that I have made because she believes that I don't deserve to be happy in life because of stuff was done before I was 10 years old.
My sister, one of the last times we were together at our mom's place, used the phrase 'My dad says that...'
And I said, 'Don't you mean 'our dad' or just 'dad?'' and she got angry at me, telling me that she said it right, that I shouldn't consider our parents my parents because I am just a loser.
Until she gets the therapy that she needs, I'm not going to associate with her. I don't need to be blamed for stuff that happened decades ago causing her messed up life now. I don't need to have someone actively destroy every relationship that I am in or working on because she doesn't want me to be happy or better off than she is. And the worst part is, if I even try to defend myself or tell her to shut up, then she whines to her friends, our parents, and to Facebook that I am causing drama and that I am attacking her."
"I live across the country from most of my family. One of my first cousins got married somewhere very close to me and I was the only one in our family who wasn't invited. It hurt my feelings deeply, even though my family tried to explain it away with a bunch of bullcrap. People much less close to them were invited. Any excuse they tried to give me felt like bullcrap. I don't know why they don't like me, but I no longer want anything to do with them. I've cut off my cousin and his siblings and their parents. It makes me very sad."
"I cut my father out of my life following my parents' separation, as there was no reason to pretend we had a relationship once my mom left him. I still feel some guilt, but considering he brought nothing but self-doubt, objectification, misogyny, violence, and emotional abuse to the table, I feel my life is improved without him. The day I quit putting up with his bull and decided to move out, I caught him kicking our dog because it was barking too much. I guess in my head I was like, humans can stand up for themselves, but a DOG? C'mon...In a perfect world, me, a teenager moving out to the poorest town in the poorest part of the nation with a part-time job and full-time college would've taken the dog. Unfortunately, I couldn't."
"My aunt was close to my sister and me. Then her husband died, and she spiraled into abusing Ambien and drinking, then that led to harder stuff. We were all trying to keep a relationship with her and help her, but it was toxic. She'd steal things from our home because she had a key. One day she knocked on our door, and my mom answered, and she hit my mom. My mom threatened to call the police and told her to leave, and she did."
"I no longer have a brother. He decided that because my mom is battling depression, she should not see her grandkids, the one thing that brings her happiness. She only gets to see them when she goes with my father. She offered to babysit when my brother and his wife had to run errands, and he told her she would never see those kids without him and his wife present. He makes it seem like my mom was a bad caretaker for him growing up when she gave us EVERYTHING. He also stated that because my wife and I work at night, we are not contributing members of society."
"My immediate family (myself, my brother, and our parents) have cut off all contact with most of my mom's side of the family. We used to help everyone out with money. My mom is a business owner, and my dad has a decent career.
We have the biggest house and used to hold all the birthdays and holiday parties there. Then at some point, we just got tired of being used and we actually blacklisted them.
People think just because your family owns a business, they have unlimited money. It hurts my mom because she was from a big family and I miss having holidays with 20 people or so in the house. People think because you're family, you should bend over backward for them. We are much happier with our small family holidays and birthdays. No more drama."
"It makes me sad when I think about my older sister. We grew up in an abusive family, so I didn't get to see her often. We are complete opposites; I'm more 'girly,' and she's more of a 'tomboy.' I tried to have a close relationship with her, but she would judge me for everything I do: how I dress, who I hang out with, how I spend my money, my hobbies, etc.
Once I moved out for university, we never spoke. She has never replied to my messages and even blocked me on all social media. My birthday was last month, and she didn't even send me a simple text. I've come to accept that this is something that will likely be permanent."
"I haven't spoken to my (physically, verbally, mentally) abusive father in almost three years and because some of my siblings live with him, I haven't been able to see them either. I have him blocked practically everywhere, so the only way he ever contacts me is through the mail. About a year ago he sent me a photo album with pictures of all my siblings. It would have been sweet if I didn't know he was trying to manipulate me."
"I stopped talking to my mom. She neglected me her whole life and only focused on my two older brothers, who were clearly her favorites. I was always her last thought, no matter how hard I tried. I always had to beg her to pay attention to me. After I moved to a different state four years ago and started my life over, she stopped calling me. I would always have to make the first move. She started drinking more, hanging out with people who made bad choices and married a guy just like the last guy she divorced. She had no structure or consistency as a human. She would post on Facebook about how much greenery she smoked or how many drinks she bought. I came to realize I would never want my future children around someone like her.
I was flying back to my hometown and asked her if she wanted to see me during that time. After not seeing your daughter for three years, you think she would say yes. But instead, she called me a brat and told me she didn't want me to 'grace her with my presence.' After that conversation, I told her I would never speak to her again. If someone is going to take my attempt at seeing them as an inconvenience for them, I don't want to be apart of that person's life. I don't care if you're my mom or a friend. I cut negative people out of my life fast. Sorry, mom."
"I have stopped engaging with my parents and my brother. I don't talk to them anymore unless they talk to me first, which isn't too often, so I guess it's...semi-permanent?
My parents were constantly in my wife's and my business ('Where are our grandkids?') And then they became mega Trumpsters to the point where anytime I talked to them it became a 'conversation' about how me being an independent who leans slightly left is new-age terrorism that is tearing the family apart.
And I stopped talking to my brother after bailing him out of trouble time and again only for him to quit his job on bad terms. Then he refused to find another one and ran out and bought three (yes, THREE) Xbox One Xs while unemployed. I fully expect him to come begging for a place to live when he gets evicted for failing to pay rent in about a month's time and I'm going to kick him out onto the street. It's probably going to be the hardest thing I'll ever have to do to another human being, but I can't keep fixing his life only for him to wreck it again."
"I have a half-brother. My father knocked up some girl years before he met my mom, and because he didn't feel like he was ready to be a father yet, they put the baby up for adoption. In 2010, when I was a teenager, my half brother found info about my family online and got in contact with us.
He was a lovely Christian man. He had a wife and two kid; they were a sweet family.
He was kind of like a father figure to me as a teen. Like my father, my brother was sensitive and physically affectionate. I didn't think too much of it, even when his hands wandered a bit on me. He was my brother, so whatever.
Then one day he took it further than he ever had before and I realized what he was doing to me. I spoke to my mother and close male cousin about it. My cousin, later on, found out that all of the cousins my brother had met had also been touched or received flirty texts. He sent pictures of his junk to one of my cousins. He asked to get busy with another cousin. I realized he seriously had issues.
We were extremely harsh on him. We talked about what he did, but he denied most of what he did and lied about everything else. Me and my whole family (except for my aunt, which is a long story) cut that pervert off. What a creep."
"My stepmother essentially abandoned her dog when she met my father, and I took care of him. A year later, she decided she wanted him back. I pushed back, of course, and that's when she started manipulating my father against me. Lying, accusing me of things I didn't do, and orchestrating many, many fights between him and I. I packed my stuff and left. Now I've finally gotten through to my father and opened his eyes to her manipulation, but I miss that dog. I have no intention of seeing or talking to my stepmother ever again."
"My cousin sells all kinds of alternative medicine that he's passionate about. He honestly believes that he can cure anything with colloidal silver. Multiple sclerosis, sleep apnea, you name it. I refused his treatment in favor of you know, ACTUAL medical treatment, and he would never leave it alone. I finally asked him to quit needling me about it every time I saw him, and he was so offended he completely cut off contact, and I haven't spoken to him since."