It’s not always enough to say a nice thing. You need to say it in the right way.

This piece is based on a Quora question. Link on the last page.

1. It’s the inside that counts.

I was in the middle of a vaginal ultrasound. That is where they probe you with this long thing to get a better look at your organs (I was having abdominal issues).

The tech looks at the image and exclaims, You have a beautiful pancreas! She calls over another tech to see, as I’m laying there with a wand up my hooha. They basked in the glory of my most perfect pancreas.

I have yet to update my Tinder profile with this information, but I can now say that I am literally beautiful on the inside.

Erin Smilkstein

2. You slay me.

“Youre like a less attractive version of Jaime Lannister.”

Ayden Jozwik

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3. Runs in the family.

My old boyfriend kissed the top of my head and said, I love the way your hair smells. Delighted I asked oh, thanks. What does it smell like? To which he replied, it always smells like lasagne.

Cut to a couple of decades later, tucking my 5 year old son in bed at night with a big cuddle. He says hmmmm mummy you smell so nice! Me: really darling, what of? Him: mMMMmmm chicken nuggets AND mayonnaise!

Jane Sullivan

4. Hands-on policy.

We had just moved to Florida and I was still wearing my wardrobe from the Northeast, which was a little too formal and a little too warm for the environment. My wife and I worked in the same building and constantly saw each other throughout the day.

One day I was bending over a desk examining some proofs for the next days paper, and I suddenly felt a hand running up the inside of my thigh from behind, right up to my, well, parts. I didnt think anything of it for a moment because my wife and I constantly teased each other.

So I let her grope me for a moment while I finished reading, then straightened and turned to face her and was eye-to-eye with a woman who was definitely not my wife. (continued…)

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Her face was about six inches from mine. “I simply love that fabric,” she cooed in a husky voice. “Id love to get my husband a pair like that. They feel marvellous” Her lips curled into a twisted smile and she slinked away like a cat.

As the years went by, we got to know each other quite well, (no, not that well) and I once asked her about whether she always groped strange men.

“I just really liked your pants,” she said. “And the way you wore them.”

Tom Kehoe

5. Almost famous.

I had just gotten off a bus at Port Authority, which is the giant transportation hub about a block from NYCs Times Square.

I was going down an escalator when a guy asked me for my autograph. “Im not famous,” I responded.

He replied, “Well, youre famous in my book, baby!”

Colleen Broomall

6. Pop goes the collar.

I was in my 20s, at a bar drinking a casual beer with some friends. I still remember the shirt I had on – a bright red (dont judge) Gap tee shirt with a henley collar. Being in my 20s and it being the early 90s, obviously the collar was as open as possible. Again, killer.

One of our crew was quite attractive but with a definite “fatal attraction” edge. She looked at me and said: “youve got this one collar bone that is so attractive” and stroked my left collar bone with her finger as she sipped her beer, staring at it.

Mind you, she didnt reference both collar bones. Just the left one. My right collarbone is apparently horrendous.

Matt Cauthorn

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7. Watch your mouth.

This was more than a decade ago, before I got married and had kids.

I was traveling through India. Along with some friends, I went to a little Japanese restaurant. As soon as I walked in I noticed a very attractive-looking young woman. I felt immediately that I wanted to get to know her better.

As luck would have it, I found myself sitting across from her in a small caf the following day. It turned out we had mutual friends. We got to talking, and we got to liking each other, and we got to spending time together.

A friend who saw us together several days afterward told me that he had also been interested in her, but was rejected. He said that there were other suitors who had been spurned.

I thought that I must have had something very special to have attracted her affection. So one day I asked her.

“Why do you like me? What is it about me?” I expected her to say something about my charm or intellect or mysterious beard.

She smiled and she answered, “Its your teeth!”

Flabbergasted, I frowned. “What about my teeth?!”

Now one thing that you need to understand is that I have some kind of genetic disorder that makes my teeth fairly non-white. The only time I tried to bleach them at the dentists turned out to be a complete disaster. I had these sparkly-white swirls of bleached white surrounded by oceans of off-white yellowness. Not pretty.

“Theyre so small! I love them!” she gave an excited giggle and touched my incisors with a forefinger. “Absolutely tiny!”

My ego was crushed. The tininess of my teeth is what set me apart from other men. Nice.

Ben A. Wise

8. Eye love you.

A gentleman walks up to me at the library desk.

“Good morning sir. How can I help you today?”

“Oh my God” The man stared intently at me, mouth agape, and there were a few awkward seconds. “Your eyes are so mesmerizing I can’t remember what I was going to ask you for.”

And he walked off.

Angel Elms

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9. No ifs ands or butts.

My 4-year-old son is all about me. Hes totally a mamas boy. He smacked me on the butt one night and said: “I love your big, fat butt.”

He was looking up at me, all doe-eyed and adorable. I had to explain to him that while the sentiment was sweet, no woman likes having her butt called big or fat. It still cracks me up when I think about it.

Mary Osborne

10. Let’s 86 36.

“Hey Mark, look at number 36, its beautiful!” my dentist said to his partner in dentistry crime, while my jaw was sore from being so widely open.

“Oh, such a perfect example of #36.”

Of course, I couldnt respond to the compliment regarding the perfection of my tooths mineral, dentine, and enamel composition. Ive been on that chair for 1 1/2 hours, trembling for half of the procedures time, and really regretting eating so much candy prior to that lovely experience. Stupid cavities.

By the way, I am terrified of dentists.

Anna Sharudenko

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11. Two sets of footprints…

Once I was walking by the beach, near the Atlantic, in typical board shorts and flip flops and some random girl walking by looked down at me and and literally startled me by saying. “nice feet.” Never have I ever been complimented on my feet…

Then after I said thanks, she stood there for a few seconds and said “…and, nice legs.” We ended with that awkward stare people sometimes share.

Zack Jaffri

12. Model behaviour.

When I was around 18, I dated this man who looked like a model. This only lasted a couple of weeks, as I couldn’t keep up with his gossip-like conversations. Always criticizing the way people looked or dressed.

Other than that he was a pretty nice person but for me the constant bashing was a major no-no.

Anyway, he would a-l-w-a-y-s compliment me on my future looks.

Never once did he call me beautiful or pretty, at least not in the present moment. Instead he would always tell me how gorgeous I would look when I turned into an old lady or a “mature” woman. One time he did “compliment” me – in the present – by saying that I looked “good” which is pretty sad considering that he was, at least according to his words, truly interested in me.

Stephanie Bojorquez

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13. Too bad it wasn’t a mute date.

I went on a blind date once with this guy. I was 29 at the time and was feeling uncomfortable approaching my thirties.

After a few drinks at the bar he told me that I looked a lot younger than 29 – which was nice. He should have quit when he was ahead.

I told him thanks, my youthful look must be due to my excellent genetics or vegetarian diet. He replied, “No, you look so young because you act so immature.” Gulp.

He tried to backtrack by explaining how great that was.

He did not get a second date.

Aly Boily

14. Nice to know you have a fallback.

I had to go to the dentist one morning. It was early for me, so I just threw on a sweatshirt and some boot-cut jeans. My long hair was thrown up in a ponytail.

I was sitting in the waiting room when I noticed an old woman staring at me. I smiled, trying to be polite. That’s when she said it.

“What a handsome young man!”

I have to say, that doesn’t happen very often. But at least I’m handsome.

Katie Powers

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15. You don’t know you’re beautiful.

I was doing the retail grind, working in the bakery of a grocery store. An older woman came up to me and asked somewhat gruffly, “Do you own a mirror?” Startled, I said, “Yes. Why do you ask?” I thought maybe I had something stuck in my teeth. God bless people who will honestly tell you when that happens!

She stared at me for a long moment. “You should look in it often. Youre beautiful.”

As she abruptly walked off, I stammered, “Thank you.” She didnt just make my day, she made the rest of my life.

Cardinal Robbins

16. Got my goat.

“You have the legs of a mountain goat!” That was said to me by a coworker with whom I shared an office.

We would frequently walk over to another building for lunch, and I generally wore high heels. To get across the street, we had to scale a frequently muddy hill. I was quite adept at scaling this muddy hill while wearing high heels and without getting my shoes dirty.

He meant it as a compliment, but most ladies do not want to be compared to goats for any reason!

Jenni Williams

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17. Feast or famine.

One day I was at a mandatory after-school band rehearsal. The band teacher walked past me while I was chilling, and I nodded to him. He paused, laughed, and said the following:

“Cayden, whenever I look at you I can tell there’s always something going on in your head. I think you’re going to become a famous poet one day. Or a serial killer. Either way, when that time comes, I’d love to be able to say I knew him.”

Thanks?