From wanting something more than a platonic friendship, to bringing up serious issues to discuss in their group chat, people share what happened when their former friend stopped all communication with them.
[Source can be found at the end of the article]
Everything was great until 6th grade
“My best friend and I spent hours on the phone the days leading up to the first day of 6th grade because we were so excited. Then the first day of school came and she completely ignored my existence and didn’t speak a word to me. Never knew why and never found out why.
My guess is, she was trying to create a new image for herself and she probably thought I didn’t fit that image.”
Losing a friend after engagement
“A good friend of mine stopped talking to me shortly after she got engaged. A few months after they got engaged, I got a save-the-date card. That was the last I heard from her. I’d try to call her and she’d never call back. I’d text, email, leave a message on Facebook, etc. Just nothing.
I wasn’t invited to the wedding. I ran into her about six months prior to the wedding at a restaurant. I waved, and she just walked past me. It hurt for a minute, but, if that’s the kind of person she is, then maybe it’s best we’re not friends any more. I never found out why she just stopped talking to me.”
Disappear and reappear continuously
“My best friend from high school would vanish for months at a time in our early 20s. He would disappear, then show back up like everything was completely normal a few months later. I didn’t really notice, as we were both really busy with college, work, girls, hobbies, whatever. In fact, I used to joke about how cool it was that we could pick right up after not speaking to each other for so long. Turns out he was battling with pill addiction and wasn’t just disappearing from my life, but from the world for those months at a time.”
Gone without saying goodbye
“My best friend in college was probably the closest I’ve ever been with someone I wasn’t romantically involved with. We lived together for 6 years, cried together, shared everything and always had each other’s back. Cue his fiancé moving in with us. I didn’t really care for her but I wanted him to be happy and I sat down with him many times to mutually discuss that we were both ok with it. The house was certainly big enough that we never got in each other’s way and we never had an issue. Our lease was almost up so we were all trying to decide what to do about housing next.
I come home from a long day at work and all of his and her stuff is gone. No note, no nothing. We were paid until the end of the lease so he didn’t stiff me on anything but he was just gone. I haven’t heard from him since. His cell was changed and he deleted every form of social media. This was 7 years ago and I still cry about it sometimes and I’m still looking for him. At this point, I just want to know he’s ok and happy. But I miss my best friend and haven’t had one since.”
The uber jealous girlfriend
“I used to work with this lesbian couple, and one of the girls I swear was my platonic soul mate. We immediately clicked and talked for hours and hours every time we spoke. I usually get very nervous talking to people and my anxiety goes through the roof, but not with this girl. We hung out all the time, texted every day, and just laughed at everything. This was for maybe three months. Then one day, nothing. I tried to talk to her at work, cold shoulder. She invited my friends out to lunch, I didn’t get invited, and then snapped at me when I came. I asked her what changed, but she said nothing was different. Her girlfriend ended up taking me off Facebook and was always rude to me. I think her girlfriend thought we had something going on, so my friend ended us before it ended them. I miss her so much. She was the last person I felt comfortable being around, and that was 1.5 years ago.”
It was for the best
“Yeah it was the beginning of my freshman year of college, and a high school friend, who I had known for about 3 years, very close friends, suddenly just stopped texting me. I was busy a lot and wasn’t able to answer her texts as quickly as usual. But then it stopped at some point. I tried checking in on her to see how she was, but she wouldn’t really say anything. I didn’t understand until recently that she needed to stop talking to me because she had some feelings for me that she needed to work through and she knew it wouldn’t help if we continued talking.”
The Story of the Diary Girl
“I kept a cooperative diary with a girl for years. Every day we’d each write an entry and address things in the others entry. We were both coming of age so we’d talk about school, dating, body issues, flirting, family, philosophy and everything. I had the diary professionally printed, two copies, it was hundreds of pages it looked like a Harry Potter book.
When we became adults we started hanging out together and people were blown away by how close we were, some said we were closer than married couples. We both dated other people through the years, so this wasn’t a double-friendzone as much as it was finding twin (ironically, she had a twin, but she said we were closer). In retrospect it was too much power, we were both too good at manipulating the other.
Being that close to someone is weird and awesome at the same time. We could both look at each other and know what the other was thinking. Sometimes we didn’t even have to look.
How did it end? Diary girl started dating a guy who I liked a lot, he was a great guy, but after a short time, she started talking marriage. MARRIAGE?! I told her she barely knew this guy, plus he’s missing so many of the things she said her husband needed to have. Have you ever seen a woman break her rules to date a man?
At the same time, I started dating a girl that diary girl hated. She said I wasn’t in a place to date, she even called this girl to very forcefully tell her to stop seeing me that she should focus on her thing and let me focus on mine which only had the net result in that girl driving to my apartment.
How could you not take my advice, but now you’ll try to directly bust up my relationships?
Then one day, she stopped writing.”
A toxic friendship
“My best friend of almost twenty years cut me off abruptly a couple years back. We’d lived together more than once and been friends since high school. He’d been the best man at my wedding. So how did it come to pass?
He was incredibly negative, but I overlooked it because we’d been friends for so long. Everything around him bothered him. His job. His car. The drive through attendant at Taco Bell. The government. You name it. Hanging out became one long whiny fest where we’d talk about how royally messed up the world was and how it could never, ever, possibly get any better.
Worse, he was always telling me what I couldn’t do. I remember saying I wanted to teach myself iOS development and he told me it was impossible and that I was ‘just another geek’. Things came to a head when our landlord evicted us because his daughter needed a place to live. The girl I’d been dating wanted to look for a new place with us, and my friend OK’d it.
Then the passive aggressive behavior began. He clearly had serious issues with my girlfriend, but couldn’t ever come out and just say it. I knew this would lead to problems, so I finally sat him down to talk about it. The situation culminated in an argument where he said ‘fine, go get your own place then!’ I asked him if he was sure that was what he wanted. He said yes. So two hours later my girlfriend and I did exactly that. He was so pissed he stopped speaking to me.
We still have many mutual friends and occasionally see each other. It makes me sad that we aren’t close, but it was for the best. The stark difference in my quality of life still shocks me. Removing toxic people will do more to improve your life situation than anything else.”
Current friends are WAY better
“The day after my birthday a bunch of my friends from school was going to an amusement park. I sent them messages asking if I could go because I really liked amusement parks. They all looked at my messages but never replied. The next day I found out they asked someone else to go with them that morning instead of me. They screwed me over on my birthday then completely cut me off because I asked them about it. Life is terrible sometimes but now I have friends who are way better than they are.”
From spending everyday together, to no contact
“I’ve known her since I was about 5 or 6 years old. We went to brownies and guides together (the equivalent of girl-scouts). We went to the same secondary school, we were in the same tutor/form group so spent every day together. We were in a few of the same lessons, too. We spent weekends together shopping, having sleepovers, going for lunch or to the cinema.
All of a sudden, she stopped talking to me, Avoided me. Blocked my number, removed me from Facebook. I contacted her sister to try and find out if I had done anything and to tell her I missed her, but her sister never replied either.
I miss her a lot, but there is no way for me to contact her now.
I still have no idea why.”
Cutting off that one friend without a reason
“My two best friends just did this to me. We used to eat, drink and study together… basically spending over half the day with each other. Then I decided to bring up some issues to the national branch within our fraternity (all 3 of us are in it) because it was endorsing hazing and getting racist. Apparently, I underestimated how much they cared about the fraternity, because suddenly our Facebook chat stopped being updated, we haven’t seen each other in weeks and nobody responds to the group texts (yes, we had multiples because we talked a lot.)
I disaffiliated last week and sent a passive-aggressive ‘I guess we’ll never see each other again,’ message and still haven’t heard from either of them.”
When a best friend becomes a business partner
“I became business partners with my lifetime best friend. And while things didn’t really work out with the business, we remained on great terms throughout the process of building a startup. There was only one blowup, and we talked it through and moved forward. A few months later he sent an email to the company out of the blue, as well as some of our clients, saying he would no longer be working there. I received the news along with our employees/clients, which was pretty difficult. I would soon find out he had been building his own business underneath ours, and telling a few of our clients that we’d be going through a “name change” and business would resume as normal. He had even contacted our employees discretely and offered them a job with him when he left. Since it was a devastating blow to the business, it failed and they jumped ship. I’m glad they did, It would have felt worse if it left them jobless.
So one day he left, I called him and sorted out some client conflicts, and we haven’t spoken since. He removed me from Facebook and that’s that. I’m not upset that he wanted to go his separate way or own the business for himself. We were just still buds leading up to the day, and he employed considerable deception under the vise of it all. It suddenly stopped, and that absolutely destroyed me, to be honest. Within a few weeks my then on/off girlfriend of 2 years broke it off over text, and I haven’t spoken to her since either. Needless to say, I had pretty significant doubt about who I was as a person, whether I was someone a person could ever really care about, and I went through some seriously dark times. I’m better now, but they both are on my mind constantly. Probably buried, but it feels good to share this, I haven’t had anyone to talk to about it since it happened ~6 months ago.”
Not even allowed to know the reason
“My best friend for 11 years recently stopped talking to me, ignoring phone calls and everything. I moved away last summer for 4 months, and before leaving everything seemed fine. We weren’t as close as we used to maybe, due to lack of time, going to different schools etc. Anyways, all of a sudden she was just gone. I asked my friends about it and they just told me I needed to speak with her. That became very difficult with her not answering. I even sent her postcard. When I came home for Christmas all I got was a “thanks for the gift” text, and no reply after that. Now, I still don’t know why she won’t talk to me and I don’t really care anymore. She wasn’t a very good friend and didn’t always treat me that well. Many of my closest friends are still friends with her and know why this all happened, but are not allowed to tell me, which makes me furious. Especially because this was about ME, and I’m not allowed to know why I’m such a horrible person or whatever. The other day I saw her and her mom, and when they saw me, they ran away. It hurt because her mom was like my second mother. I’ve been on several vacations, trips and everything with her family and now they actually run away when seeing me. The only thing that really bothers me now, is that I can’t hang out with my friends if she’s there. I know I haven’t done anything wrong, I’ve always been a good friend to her. From what my friends have told me, it seems she just figured she didn’t like me anymore. Well, good riddance, I guess.”
Friendship turned to bad romance
“I met this woman at work in our early 20s and we hit it off (I’m a guy.) We were the very best of friends. We were just always together for about four years. We could talk about anything and tell each other anything. I dated other people and she was never jealous, and vice versa.
A month after our relationship became romantic, she suddenly and bluntly ended it. She simply stopped returning my calls. I went to her house to figure out what was going on. She said she never wanted to see me again. I wanted to tell her that I agreed that dating was a mistake and we should be friends again, but I respected her opinion and left. If someone doesn’t want you in their life, there’s no point in arguing about it.
I hate to admit it, but I cried a lot over losing her friendship and kicked myself repeatedly for letting it get romantic. But I kept my word and never contacted her again.
Several years later I saw her at a music festival. I didn’t even acknowledge her. She came up and said, ‘Why are you ignoring me? I haven’t seen you in years. Why are you acting like such a jerk?’ I looked at her and replied, ‘You told me you never wanted to see me again, so I’m keeping my word.’ I turned and walked away. It was SO hard. But I knew if I talked to her at all the old feelings would come back.
In the end, I’m glad we had a quick clean break. It was harder in the short term, but like ripping off the band-aid, it was easier in the long run.”
No communication after a weekend trip
“Well, in my case almost all of my closest group of friends. 5 out of 6.
We went on a road trip to a beach and spend a weekend there. It was all fine for me, I still don’t remember anything wrong with the trip but two of them left really early the last day before everybody else even woke up. So the rest of us cleaned up and packed things and went back. It was a nice trip back also, we chatted and laughed a lot.
The following days, nobody said anything in the group chat we had on Skype, not even when I tried to pull a conversation, and nobody called me on the weekend to do anything, they just stop talking to me. I found out they created a new chat for everyone but me in Skype. From that group, only my best friend would still talk to me, and he told me it was weird cause they were talking, I was the only one being left out. Later on, when he confronted them about this they told him that they kind of got mad at me or something and that they weren’t ignoring me, they just didn’t talk to me lately…
Recently they started talking to me again, almost a year of silence, but I just think it’s weird now. I don’t know, they were all great friends, it felt really bad when I was just left out. The thing is I still don’t really know what I did or what happened.”
It was all just bad timing
“I met Dave when I was 17, working a terrible supermarket job to fund me through school. Although there were a few years of the age gap and I went off to university, we kept in touch and always seemed to pick up where we left off if we hadn’t met for a little while.
Eight years down the line, I break up with my boyfriend and pour out my woes to Dave. Two months after the breakup, Dave puts his cards on the table and says he’s wanted us to be in a relationship for a long time and he has to take this chance right now to tell me how he feels before it’s too late. I loved hanging out with Dave, he made me laugh, we could tell each other anything and his arty side set offset my science geek, but I was still too raw after a grotty breakup to begin a new relationship. Dave definitely wanted the real deal, and I desperately wanted to be able to make him as happy as he saw us in future, but I wasn’t able to be that person he wanted me to be whilst I was so raw and unhappy.
In a conversation that was in many ways, more painful than the breakup, I told him this and he said that although he would always think of me and wish me well, he couldn’t stand to see me go out with someone else. He called the friendship to a close over the phone that evening and apart from an email with a farewell poem the following day, I haven’t seen or heard from him since. It makes me sad to think that I won’t ever get to hang out with him ever again. I understand that he had to do what he had to do.”