Science is awesome.
1. Does music express emotions or just elicit them? Read the next 200 pages to not find out.
Is there a SparkNotes version? As an avid music lover, I’m interested in this piece but if it had to be “dumb-ed down” this much I’m not sure I’ll make it past the first page. Anyone else?
2. Girls take birth control. Girls then pee out unmetabolized estrogens from birth control. Pee goes to water treatment plant, estrogens not treated, male fish become female fish.
Not going to lie, I still feel dumb after reading this one. What? WHAT? How can a birth control pill go through that journey just to change a male fish to a female? Also can this work on real men? Not asking for a friend. The world could really be a better place. Who’s going to try this?
3. Nanoparticles are weird and I accidentally made a bomb and electrocuted myself.
That blows. Literally. But I still don’t know what nanoparticles are.
4. People trying meditation for the first time get aroused.
5. When I get rid of this gene, it messes the brain up. A lot.
What gene. WHAT GENE?! I have so many questions but the only one I can formulate is WHAT GENE IS THIS? Maybe I don’t have it.
6. Computer AI systems can learn to operate a warp drive and automatically build an instructional system to train people how to do it. My dissertation is probably the only one in existence to reference the Star Trek technical manual.
Long live and prosper, people!!! This is actually kind of spooky. Are we already at this point in the future?
7. My experimental drug does NOT cure addiction.
Oh hey I knew this one. Not from experience… obviously.
8. Making new magnets from old magnets because we'rerunning out of magnets.
I have about 40 on my refrigerator that I can spare if you need some.
9. Inpatients with schizophrenia are happier and socialize more in the context of a music listening group. It was obvious before we began the project and we learned nothing.
I love this honesty. Music is a beautiful part of the world we live in and I’m glad it helps people with schizophrenia feel happier and more social.
10. Little things stick together. Here's a slightly easier way to calculate their stickiness.
But what about a way to get them to you know, not stick?
11. There are amoebas living in volcanos, but I never captured Bigfoot on film (I tried).
Really wasn’t expecting Bigfoot to be involved with a thesis about volcano amoebas. I wonder if we’ve all been looking for him in the wrong place.
12. We can take random pieces of bacterial DNA from beaver poop and put them into other bacteria to discover new things, like how to break wood down into biofuels. Yes, I had to dissect dead beavers and handle their poop.
But why were the beavers dead? Could you not have just… studied their droppings? Why’d you kill the beavers, man? WHY?
13. This protein looks like it might contribute to asthma. Oh, turns out it probably doesn't.
Might could, maybe not. Glad that’s sorted out.
14. I crunch numbers using a supercomputer in the hopes of ensuring a fusion reactor in France doesn't get fried on the inside.
*soft smiles because I have no idea what a fusion reactor is but this reminds me of a kids’ show I used to watch and now I’m going to do some research to figure out what it was called.
15. Two proteins touch each other in a specific place in the developing heart. No idea if it's important for anything.
That is adorable. I love this for them.
16. I can make models of galaxies in a computer, but I can't explain why they don't act like real ones. Even if I bash them together or stir them around.
Channeling my inner Zoolander when I ask, “In the computer?” What’s the point of this? I don’t get it. This is too smart for me.
17. People sometimes think about animals as if they're people. People like those animals a little more than regular animals. Except when they don't. I can't believe they gave me a PhD.
Hahaha I am laughing out loud I hope you are too. I’m definitely one of those people who think ALL animals are like people. Pets are family, too!
18. Sand washes away, don't build important stuff on it
Man, I wish I knew this back when I was 5 before I spent half of my day building a sandcastle on the beach. But this does make me nervous about coastal cities!
19. Why does a coffee stain looks the way it is, and how you can use it to make anti-laser glasses.
I’m sorry, what? How does one even think to question why coffee stain is the way it is?
20. You can make antimatter move in strange ways if you set your equipment up wrong.
Well, you have to learn how to set your equipment up right before anything else. I feel smart for saying that. Let me have this.