Everyone makes regrettable decisions, but most of us won’t share them in public. Here’s what people revealed when asked to admit to the creepiest thing they’ve done…
1. One night I was walking home really late and I thought this guy was following me but he was walking like ten steps ahead of me. He was making all the turns I was too: I guess he lived near my apartment but I didn’t think of this at the time.
In my inebriated state I wanted make sure he didn’t try to mug me, so I tried to walk faster up to him and show him I’m not scared / wasn’t going to get mugged passively. He was scared and didn’t want me to get close and started awkwardly and quickly walking away from me. Then it hit me that this guy was really scared of me (just like I was scared of him) so I just started laughing and said “I don’t know who’s more scared, me or you.”
The dude didn’t even turn around, he just sprinted off into the night. He probably s**t his pants thinking I was going to murder him or something because of my crazy laugh.
2. You know when you’re in elementary school and you’re forced to exchange valentines with everyone in the class? I would re-lick the sealed parts of the envelopes of valentines I got from girls I liked. I was creepy in 4th grade.
3. I found a girl’s cellphone when I was walking home from school (I was in high school at the time).
I added my name to her contacts with a heart after it, and returned the phone.
I didn’t know, until I saw her, that she was a middle schooler.
4. About 10 years ago, a friend of mine was going through a bad breakup. She needed something to cheer her up so I went to a local Party City, bought about 40 different balloons filled with helium, some groucho marx glasses, and a noisemaker. I went to her apartment, had her buzz me in, and took the elevator up to her floor.
Her door was open a crack, so I kicked it open and started singing “Hello my baby” with the noise maker thing in my mouth. A few seconds into the song, through all the balloons which were blocking my view, I see a woman who is not my friend that I came to see, wearing nothing but a towel that was probably thrown on the second I kicked the door and I stop singing just as she starts to scream. Then a naked man, who looked to be about 10 feet tall, built like Hercules, with a deep look of hatred burning in his eyes, pushes aside the balloons and starts screaming something at me as I turn and run as fast as my fat ass could towards the elevator.
I finally made it to my friends apartment (one floor up) just after she got off the phone from calling the police after hearing the screams in the apartment directly below her.
tl;dr: I accidentally kicked the door open on a couple that had probably just had sex and gave them a bunch of balloons while singing and wearing groucho marx glasses.
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5. I’m not the most beautiful dude, and if I tilt my head a little bit and bulge my eyeballs out I look really god damn creepy. Anyway, as my girlfriend and I were coming out of a movie theater I overheard these little high school kids making fun of her weight.
So after the movie was over and I saw them get in their car, I sort of snuck up to their driver’s side window and started super eye bulge staring at the kids in the car while heaving my chest in and out really fast and flexing my shoulders. I wasn’t going to do anything of course, I just thought it would be damn funny.
Anyway, before I did anything the high school kid in the driver’s seat flipped out and backed up really fast (wheel screamingly fast) into the front of another parked car (A pickup truck of some sort). I just walked away really fast and thought to myself “holy shit I’m really scary”
6. When I was 7 or 8 I did a science project on the antibacterial efficacy of various soaps. Basically it involved keeping my hands dirty for a day, pressing grubby thumbs into petri dishes full of agar, then washing and doing the same again.
I’d take tracings of the cultures: bigger colonies were bad, smaller ones good. This ended up winning the county science fair for my grade in a large metropolitan area, so that was nice.
But before that, after I’d finished the experiments but before I’d discarded the dishes, I got into a dispute with my parents (don’t remember what about). I thought, “I’ll show them”. So I took the nastiest culture and swabbed it onto their bedroom doorknob. They both got sick as dogs and I had to take care of them for a couple of days. Served me right.
7. When I was 11 I took a piece of paper, that a girl I liked had chewed a little, went home and ate it.
8. I was driving one day and I noticed a car ahead of me with a few geeky bumper stickers, a thinkgeek license plate cover, and a custom plate with a random word on it.
When he turned I could see in his mirror that he was a mid 20s nerdy looking, bearded, long haired fellow. I then assumed that the word on his license plate was his username or something of some sort. I googled around for [license plate name] and [my city here] and whatnot until I got a first name out of a random forum post, then went back to the google, and got a few leads on a last name.
I narrowed it down to one candidate via a facebook profile pic thumbnail and added him. He messaged me with:
Hi, do I know you?”
To which I responded:
“Are you the fellow in the [my city] area with the license plate [redacted], the sticker “31337 H4X0R” and game programmer? Drives a Honda Civic LX with a thinkgeek license plate cover with “source code is free speech” or something along those lines.”
And he says:
“THAT IS FAIRLY SPECIFIC, but yes that is me! What’s up?”
And now we are good friends and hang out pretty regularly. Such an ideal way to meet new people, right?
9. Taped a picture of a girl to my pillow, took a picture of my hand stroking her, then sent it to her.
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10. When I was a little kid, I was in love with my 45-year-old neighbor. I’d often let myself into his house and just watch him from the hallway until he noticed me.
I was four years old, so it wasn’t as creepy as it could have been, but I’m sure it made him feel really weird.
I also stole his cat. I kept it in my closet until my parents discovered it when it started meowing pitifully the next day.
11. Right after I got out of the army it took me a little while to adjust to “normal” pastimes. So I used to take my son, who was 5 at the time, out to the open space where I would teach him to stalk random hikers.
He got really good at staying down wind, moving quietly, not moving the brush, etc. The great thing was if we got noticed I had a cute 5 year old with me so it didn’t seem creepy.
For the record we got really close to several without being noticed, but we never actually “caught” any.
12. I taught myself how to pick locks.
During college, I was hanging out with a friend of my best friend. My best friend told him I could pick locks, but friend of friend said he didn’t believe me.
After the party was over, I picked his locked door before I went home and left a note taped inside his door that said, “Told you.
13. While in college, I looked up a girl’s home address on the tax records for her county and, over spring break, sent her an anonymous letter containing the following poem:
Roses are red
Coffee has cream
Making love to you
Would really be supreme
In a bizarre twist of events, we started dating shortly thereafter. Everything went better than expected.
Well, lesson learned. Trust no one. Everyone is a creep.