We all have our moments where we’ve done something mind-numbingly dumb, all we can hope is that someone wasn’t around to see us do it. We want our idiotic episodes to be as private as possible.
Unfortunately, for these thirty people, their dumb moments were caught in full view – and then published online…
1/30. My best friend has a genius level IQ. He was in the top 10 of my graduating class and has nearly a 4.0 GPA studying chemical engineering. I once saw him look right down the barrel of a loaded shotgun.
2/30. A girl I knew in high school needed a piece of paper, so she turned on the computer and printed one out.
3/30. About 5 years ago, I got one of those motion activated air fresheners and put it on my dresser. It wasn’t until I got up the next morning that I discovered it was lined up directly at eye level where I got out of bed. I effectively booby trapped my room against myself.
4/30. I had a college professor insist that “afternoon” started at 11 am, because that’s when he had lunch. I have no idea how you could get that wrong. Afternoon starts after noon. It’s in the damn word!
5/30. I once got a call from one of my college professors – one of the smartest and friendliest person I know.
Prof: “Can you pick me up at this address (30 miles from his place without public transport)?”
Me: “Sure, how did you end up there?”
Prof: “I went to sell my car to this guy.”
6/30. Working at IT support. Woman with a PHD in virology calls up. her keys keep sticking.
Do the standard trouble shooting but couldn’t fix it.
So I went to her desk. What was the cause of the keys sticking?
Well Miss PHD was eating a whole pineapple over her keyboard.
7/30. Only heard about it, but it’s fantastic:
“I joined MENSA for the card. When I went to Kinko’s to laminate it, I didn’t read the instructions on the wall, and the laminate melted to the machine. I had to get the Kinko’s guy to open the machine for me, but by then the card was bubbling. When he scraped it out and saw what it was, he laughed. He laughed so hard.”
8/30. I have a relative who has a doctorate in engineering and made a ton of money in petroleum… yet over the years has sent a large fraction of it to Nigerian scammers. Even more interestingly, he started doing this before the Internet when they just sent snail mail letters to people, and has sent it to the same Nigerian family over the decades – his way to support Africa, I guess?
9/30. My younger brother is in an Ivy league business/engineering program, yet he messages me asking if I have any old IDs that say I’m 20 or 21.
I’m like, no dude, all my IDs say I’m 25. And next year they’ll say I’m 26.
Another time, he was telling me about our cousin and his wife expecting a baby, and all he could say is “WE’RE GONNA BE UNCLES!”
No dude, that’s not how that works. Not at all.
10/30. Friend is standing in line at Target and has a 9-volt battery and a penny in his pocket, the two make contact and naturally the penny gets hot. He pulls the 9-volt out of his pocket and looks at it as if he has never seen this object before. He sticks his tongue on it, shocks himself, pulls it away, looks at it, does it again, pulls it away, looks at it and does it a 3rd time.
The cashier just stared at him like someone let a monkey out of the zoo.
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11/30. My boss and I were chatting on the phone about some random work issue. He told me to call so-and-so for some reason. I told him I needed the number. He said, “hold on, I gotta look up the number on my phone….. (shuffle sounds) shit where’s my phone?! Damn, my phone must have fallen out of my pocket. Sonofabitch. Well, gonna have to call you back once I find it.”
I cracked up until he jokingly yelled “Don’t you tell anyone about this!”
12/30. I was leaving my flat and I was talking to a girl in my university course. As I got to the door to exit the building I noticed someone outside and was going to let them come inside before I left. After about 6 or 7 seconds of me just standing there the girl asked me what was up and I told her that the person outside must have been having trouble getting inside. She then pointed out that it was my reflection.
13/30. My grandfather is a chemical engineer that used to work for Dow handling startup of some of their biggest plants. He went on to be an expert in industrial cleanup operations. He’s practically a genius.
He also decided it was perfectly acceptable to put stuffing into a plastic bowl and slide it into a 400 degree oven.
14/30. My dad was cooking pizza one night and not knowing why the top wasn’t browning enough decided to flip the pizza over. Left the mess for mom to clean when she got home.
15/30. Professors with all kinds of degrees who’ve written renowned books/papers can’t figure out how to make a video play on the projector instead of the monitor.
16/30. Thought there was 60 cents in a dollar. Took him a solid couple minutes to figure out that there wasn’t after we just sat there laughing at him.
17/30. My doctor (resident at top University hospital) wife constantly misuses the words “door” and “window” interchangeably. It’s a riot. “Please close the door… Where are you going?!” “the door” “oh shit, I meant the window.” This is practically daily.
18/30. My wife (the smartest person I know) looked in the sky at about 3pm and asked me why the sun was so dim. She was looking at the moon.
19/30. I stuck my hand in a pot of boiling water. My brain just stopped working for that second apparently.
20/30. One of my mom’s best friends growing up has a brother who was absolutely brilliant. This is a guy who graduated top of his class, got a perfect score on the SAT, and went to and graduated from Harvard.
Sometime into his adult life, he decided to go to the grocery store a few blocks away. Ordinarily he walks, but he decided to drive this one particular time. He went to the store, got his stuff, and proceeded to walk home.
The next morning, he went to get into his car, only to discover that it was missing from his driveway, so he filed a police report. A few days went by, and he had to go to the grocery store again. He walked like he normally does, and found his car exactly where he left it a few days before.
This is a Harvard graduate.
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21/30. One of my friends had a birthday on Friday the 13th and another friend said he wondered if his birthday would ever be on Friday the 13th. His birthday is on the first.
22/30. Was at law school with a smart guy. We shared a house. He wouldn’t heat anything up in the microwave if it hadn’t been bought as a microwavable product. He was convinced that it would get pumped with radiation and he’d be eating radioactive food.
23/30. My boyfriend… We did those 90 second microwaveable rice packets and I smelled something burning. I asked “How long did you put the rice in for?” He said, “3 minutes…” I told him, “It was only supposed to be 90 seconds.” and he looked at me like I was stupid and told me “ugh yeah, that’s 90 seconds.” Then a few seconds later he turned bright red.
Still make fun of him for it.
24/30. I saw a group of (about 5 or 6) engineering students light a plastic cup of alcohol on fire. Much to their shock, the cup melted, spilled, and ignited the floor.
These people had to have had all 90s in high school classes to get into my school’s engineering program, but it’s quite clear that a number on a transcript does not accurately represent your intelligence.
25/30. This girl I was kinda seeing at the time asked me if I wanted to watch a movie. So we go up to her room, she pops in Elf, and turns to me and asks “wait, can you watch this since you’re Jewish?” She has a 4.0 gpa and is going to law school next year…
Also, when I eventually told her I was a virgin, she asked me if I ever had a boner… I was 19.
26/30. My wife one time opened the freezer door so forcefully that she lost her grip on the door and slammed herself in the head with it, possibly sustaining a mild concussion.
She has a PhD and teaches college.
27/30. One time, my friends and I were walking around downtown and we were passing through a parking lot. One of my friends noticed this and asked,
“Is this a car dealership?”
“No, this is a parking lot.” So naturally he responded with,
“But why are there cars here?”
Took a few minutes of explaining for him to remember that cars do tend to be in parking lots.
28/30. My sister-in-law is a molecular biologist. Her level of genius is astounding. She put herself through school via scholarships, but made pocket money working at Ponderosa.
One day she was changing the oil in the fryer, set the old, hot grease tub on the floor and proceeded to step in it. She literally cooked her foot. It took several skin grafts, but mostly looks normal now.
So whenever someone does something stupid in our family, we say they “cooked their foot”.
29/30. My friend is a geneticist, smart guy all around. A few months ago he spent ten minutes trying to push open the door in his kitchen and eventually his hand went through it and he gashed his arm and ended up getting a bunch of stitches. If he had pulled the door instead it would have opened.
30. My Ol’ lady of seven years just finished up her masters in accounting. She roasted a chicken yesterday and as the timer rang I yelled to her remember to use a hot pad to take the lid off the roaster pan, because like the pan the lid handle is hot. I get a sarcastic “no duh” back from her. I watch, from a mirror with a good angle of her, as she takes the pan out with two hot pads on the side handles of the pan. She then sets the pan on the stove top, puts the hot pads back in the drawer, then grabs the handle on the lid of the pan. She burned her hand again, dropped the lid to the floor loudly, and then ran to the living room to see if i was laughing. I was. Dumbest smart person I know.
I love her.
Well she married me, but I forgive her.
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