“We’d write about it spreading mass hysteria likely making the situation far worse.”
2. Customer Service
“We’d just put on a fake smile and ensure everything was satisfactory and to the liking of the invading zombies. Perhaps even try and exceed their expectations by delivering them truck loads of fresh humans.”
“I’m sorry, but we don’t carry brains. Perhaps you could try our online store or Amazon.”
“Like I said, we don’t carry brains at this location.”
“I’ll get the manager.
“I would make everyone dinner and give hugs to survivors. I would also pack lunches for the groups who go out scavenging and help with carpool.”
5. Healthcare Workers
“We would naively try to develop a cure and wind up getting us all eaten.”
6. Army Infantry.
“Wait for orders, then be told not to fire due to budget cuts.”
“I work in Mental Health.. sooo… provide counselling for the survivors? Comfort to those changing?”
“[Have you tried turning it off and on again?] If it still doesn’t work, then I suggest smashing it repeatedly into the ground and moving on.”
9. ER Nurse
“We’d four point restrain them, then give them the B52 bomber. 5 of Haldol, 2 of Ativan, and 50 of Benadryl. Not even the undead can resist that cocktail.”
“By trying to find a cure.
Also: Oops, we royally f**cked up.”
“Im a machinist so I’m good, we would just make badass zombie killing weapons and ammo. Maybe armor some vehicles, idk we’d probably last a while.”
“It’d be like dealing with more reasonable clients.”
“I’d probably keep doing what I’m doing until the internet went down, then I’d try to fight my way to more internet.”
“Zombie audit, confuse them with paperwork.”
15. Cable Company Representative
“We’d place the zombies on hold and let them wait outside until they died of boredom.”
16. English Professor
“We’d publish articles discussing the hermeneutics of World War Z then get offended when people claim we’re not actually doing anything to help the cause.”
17. Graphic Designer
“Hey Zombies, look at these calm colors and shapes.”
“Sue them. You can always sue somebody.”
19. Security Guard.
“We would guard the fort while also taking a nap.”
20. Software Engineer
21. Fund Administrator
“Wait till the end of the month and send reports about how the zombies are doing compared to survivors but do nothing to help.”
22. Shelf Stocker
“Work at Costco, apparently Costco is a good place to be in a zombie apocalypse since it’s a concrete building with heavy-duty doors and a huge supply of food and flashlights…and means for entertainment (TVs, computers, music, toys, consoles and games, condoms and lube, alcohol depending on where you are in the world) and I think we have generators too. So really, we’d probably just lock up and hang around inside the warehouse.
I mean, I’m sure everything would fall to shit but you know that could be an interesting TV show.”
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