Sometimes the most remarkable characters are able to hide in plain sight, other times not so much. When a dumb person steps forward and reveals themselves all we can do is shake our heads and roll our eyes…
1/30. He asked “Didn’t tornadoes go extinct?
2/30. They said “pacifically speaking” and “supposably” in the same sentence.
3/30. Driving with wife and her friend and we ride over the rumble strips before a stop sign on the highway. Wife’s friend, 100% serious: “Did you know those are for blind drivers so they know when to stop?
4/30. He had told me he broke his camcorder after putting it in the microwave and then turning it on. I asked him why he did that.
His response was “I didn’t know.”
WHAT IS THERE TO NOT KNOW.
5/30. My sister in-law was at a doctor’s appointment when the doctor asked her if her stool was black. Later when she came home, she sat down on one of their black kitchen stools and proceeded to ask my wife how the doctor knew what color they were.
6/30. jokingly told an insecure flatmate that drinking milk would make her breasts grow larger. Walk into our kitchen one morning and find her downing a litre of milk whilst leaning over to one side. When I asked her what she was doing she told me that her left boob was smaller than her right so she wanted it to catch up. thumb?
7/30. Me to American dude I was traveling with: “we don’t get snow at Xmas in Australia dude, cos it’s summer time” He says: “oh yeah right… You know the heat wouldn’t bother me I just couldn’t get my head around having Xmas in July, it’s always been December 25 to me” ….no… it’s …. no.
8/30. Having a conversation with friends about ducks and it eventually tails off. In the resulting silence, one friend just pipes up, “… Is duck meat or fish?
9/30. I spent ten minutes explaining to a student that half of five minutes was two minutes and thirty seconds and NOT two minutes and fifty seconds. All I got in response was “Well, I’ll believe you this time because you’re a math major.
10/30. My girlfriend at the time, C, lived with her friend, K (not the brightest bulb). I would always be there hanging out and somehow I got into Days of Our Lives.
Sammy and Lucas are the star crossed lovers in the show. They’re not always together throughout the show but they find their way back to each other. In this story of mine, DOOL has set them back together and they’re still working things out. BUT, wait! There’s a handsome, young Englishman named EJ who just moved into town. Sammy ends up having a one nighter with him. Oh dear!
Fast forward two weeks. Sammy is pregnant! Oh sh*t, whose kid is it? This is when K pipes in.
“This is so stupid.”
Me, knowing this will be good “Oh, why?”
K: “There’s no tension.”
Me: “Why is that, K?”
K: “Well, they’re going to know whose baby it is if it comes out with a British accent or not.”
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11/30. Once my roommate finished ironing his clothes, he wanted to put the ironing board away so he put the hot iron on the carpet and put the board away. I came home to find a large speaker from our old entertainment system sitting in the middle of the living room. When I went to move it back, I found the giant patch of melted carpet, shaped like the iron. He thought he could hide it with the speaker.
12/30. Back when that Malaysian flight was missing she was confused as to why people couldn’t find it. She thought the sea was just a deep as regular lake or river and the plane would just stick out of the water.
13/30. 8th grade social studies on the topic of major world religions
“Raise your hand if you identify as Christian” girl with WWJD bracelet doesn’t raise her hand. When asked,
“I’m not Christian, I’m Catholic. “
“Do you believe in Jesus?”
No, I believe in Christ
14/30. In my school days i was using a calculator on a test and typed in the math problem in wrong then I proceeded to type syntax error as an answer.
15/30. She thought the white box around Alaska on the bottom corner of a map was a road between Alaska and Hawaii.
16/30. Driving past Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd
“I didn’t know Martin Luther King Jr’s last name was Boulevard!”
Everyone in car facepalms
17/30. One time, my friend had bought a new 42″ LCD TV. His brother comes in the room and starts making small talk. He said “I just bought a new TV, too. It’s bigga den dat though.” I reply, “Oh, you bought one, too? How big is it?” He looks at the TV, measuring it up and says, “Ah, I dunno, its like…..5….dicks bigger.”
Needless to say, I totally lost my mind with laughter and he winds up leaving the room because I can’t stop.
18/30. They used pepper spray to kill a spider in their shower, while they were in the shower.
19/30. She came back from a family holiday, questioning why she couldn’t see the names of the countries when flying above them.
20/30. Set of twins I know thought Nazis and the holocaust were just in films, and appeared in lots of different films because of how scary they were, “just like Jason X or something.
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21/30. A friend of mine lost a finger while using a circular saw. He then lost another finger, showing someone how he lost the first finger.
22/30. I had recently taken a mobile plan with 600 minutes free. I told my friend about this and she wanted to switch to it too. She called the rep and later I get an angry call from her telling that they are only offering her 10 hours.
23/30. Refused to sleep in a house when he found out there was a copy of The Exorcist in it.
24/30. Kevin just didn’t know cats and dogs were different animals.
25/30. In my Year 10 Geography class looking at a map of Australia. She exclaims “I THINK I FOUND FINLAND.
26/30. Old coworker of mine, we’ll say hes a bit thick-headed. His son is a police officer. Coworker goes out to the bar one night and gets pretty loaded, then thinks it would be a good idea to drive home. On his way home he decides maybe that wasn’t such a good idea, and a light bulb goes off in his head, his son could take him home! What does he do? He drives to the police station, drunk as a skunk, willingly walks in the front door and asks to see his son. The desk officer could tell he was loaded, and arrested him on the spot. Ended up getting a DUI.
27/30. I worked with a guy who made a bet that his steel toe shoes could stop a freight elevator, and tested it with his foot in them still. Exactly what you’d think would happen happened and now his toes are gone. That’s the dumbest person I know.
28/30. I’m a groundskeeper at my university. There had been a bonfire for homecoming the night before made out of wood pallets, so my supervisor was out the next morning picking up loose nails. The director told him not to worry because they had all melted anyway..
29/30. My friends were always convinced that my girlfriend was too dumb for me, but I always defended her, saying you just had to get to know her. One day, we’re attempting to do that over my best friend’s place, and we’re all having milk and cookies. She remarks how fresh the milk is, I say, yeah, it’s local so it’s practically straight from the cow. She gets quiet.
“Cows? I always thought milk came from pigs!”
“But there’s a cow on the carton?”
“I thought that was the mascot!”
My friend just turned his head slowly and looked me right in the eye. I looked away.
30. In high school, a girl I suspected of stupidity was told that gypsies were targeted during the holocaust. With a straight face she asked, “Why didn’t they just use their powers and fly away?
with your friends!