Parents of Reddit were asked “What’s something that your kid has done that you pretended to be angry about but secretly impressed or amused you?” These are some of the best answers.
1/19. My 16 year old son and his buddies decided to call their dodgeball team “Snipe” so that they could “accidentally” stand in front of the whole school with their lettered t-shirts spelling out “Penis.”
2/19. My daughter got in trouble in kindergarten for selling pencils to other kids. She was charging kids a quarter, the school charged 50 cents. I was pretty impressed.
3/19. My nine year old son called me into his room because he had a monster in his closet. I tell him he’s too old for that kind of thing and to go back to sleep. He pleads with me to check. I open the door and turn on the light, staring back at me is some scruffy looking thing with angry eyes and I scream. It was a mirror. I’m trying to see if I’m having a heart attack and he’s laughing his troll ass off. I’m proud of his cleverness but considered if he were too old to be left on someone’s doorstep.
4/19. Kindergarten teacher wanted a word with us because our son had called a wasp a “dirty fucker”. Turns out she wasn’t as impressed with his proper usage as I was.
5/19. My 8 year old girl was being bullied by two boys at her school. So she took them both down. Put one in a choke hold (briefly) and the other kid ran. Surprise bitches, she’s being doing Brazilian jujitsu since she was five! Anyway she came home and told me she took both boys out. When I looked at her in astonishment she said “Don’t worry though! I did it on the grass and not the concrete!”
6/19. My 3yo son stuffed two matchbox cars into an empty toilet paper roll, then jammed q-tips into that, and flushed it. Water would pass but not solid waste. Hours of plunging and snaking did nothing. Lost my freaking mind. A magnificent feat of evil engineering.
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7/19. One night my wife and I were having a discussion with our 10 yr old daughter about the importance of homework, education and her future. The subject came up because she was busted lying about her grades. I asked, “Don’t you want to grow up and be successful like me?” Her response was, “Mom doesn’t do anything and she’s got it pretty good.”
8/19. Not a parent, but on a related note as a very very young kid I discovered my dads razor blades and, not understanding what they were, ended up slicing my fingers. A lot.
Ran to my dad crying. He’d just told me earlier in the day not to go in his bathroom cabinet, so he suspected what I’d done. I realised I’d probably get in trouble so I told him I cut my fingers on my trouser buttons.
I just remember him turning to my mum, me looking guilty, my fingers cut up to hell and bleeding. He says, in that wheezy tone of voice of somebody trying not to laugh, “Do you hear that, Kit? She says she cut them on buttons.”
9/19. My five year old daughter has been getting grounded lately as a result of having bad bedtimes. One morning, she asked me what would happen if she kept getting grounded. She listened intently as I gave a long speech about how the longer you’re grounded, the worse the consequences are, and how eventually you won’t have any privileges left, and on and on and on. When I was done, she responded: “You’re killin’ me, Smalls.”
10/19. Last night while at a restaurant, she loudly sang a song she made up about her vagina.
11/19. My daughter accidentally said “Shit” it was just a combo of two words that smushed together to create this curse. I told her it was ok, I was there and I knew the context. She got so upset with herself, she punished herself by sending herself to bed. None of my assurances made her feel OK about what she had done.
12/19. 4 year old wanted to go to the zoo. I didn’t. I told him we would go to the park by the zoo, because that didn’t cost any money. Then I told him I wanted to get coffee first. His response? “Oh, so you have money for coffee?” I was impressed with his very appropriate and timely response.
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13/19. My toddler does this all the time. I’ll be scolding him for throwing things on the floor or not eating his dinner or something, and then he’ll start smirking and strutting and acting all cute, trying to charm his way out of eating his dinner. I keep a straight face, and as soon as his back is turned, I giggle into my hand.
14/19. I was once play wrestling with my nephew and once the 3 year old had me “pinned” it turned to name calling such as “stupid face” and “dumb head” then my sister chimes in and says “don’t call names!” Then this boy looks at me and says “names”. Literally, he just called me names. The punk.
15/19. My brother in law was lecturing his daughter about something and he was in an intense angry rant. She interrupted him in his yelling to ask “Daddy, can you lift a bear?”
16/19. Picked up 3 lego bricks with his bum cheeks. “Look mummy, I’m a digger!”
17/19. My daughter loves to complement people. About a month ago we were in the mall with my other kids. I was in line getting food for everyone when my daughter ran up to me and yelled: “Daddy, I love your penis!” It was both horrifying and hilarious, though I’m surprised I didn’t get arrested.
18/19. When my daughter was 6, a boy in school was bullying her. He was confronting her one day, in front of his buddies, and said, “I bet you don’t have the nerve to kick me in the nuts.” She did.
19. I blocked YouTube on the iPad. I was a little worried my kid might see some stuff on YouTube not intended for a 5 year old. My 5 year old found a work-around by starting up Angry Birds, clicking on the Angry Birds Cartoons, then browsing to his favorite YouTuber using the Voice Search function.
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