Have you ever had to restrain yourself from rolling your eyes or having your mouth hang agape at the stupidity of a peer? Here are some of the dumbest things people have heard others say…
My brother used to be a park ranger. One time a lady asked him how long it took for a deer to become a moose. He said about 7 years.
Had this girl in one of my high school classes enlighten everyone to the fact that, “blind people can drive, if the seeing eye dog is in the car.
In 12th grade. Going on a class trip to Disney. Teacher chaperons are all bustling around us at the gate to our plane making sure everyone is ready to board.
Idiot Girl: “I lost my boarding pass! I must have left it at the bookstore I was browsing in”
Teacher: “Run back to the bookstore and see if they have it”
Girl leaves for like 5 minutes and returns
Teacher: “did you find it?”
Teacher: “Did you go back to the bookstore you were in before?”
Girl: “No, that one was really far away, so I went to the closer one.”
Class: silently stare with mouths open.
My sister in her sophomore year of college thought she could “Graduate in undeclared.
“How can African children dream during the night if they don’t have tv?
My friend got a flat tire and the girl I was with said, “at least only the bottom is flat.” I tried to explain the whole tire was flat but she is dim.
The female lion is called a tiger.
“Do you have cars up in Canada?” I was at a restaurant right on the US border
I was standing down on the docks in Florida watching the sunset when some man comes up to a cruise Captain and asked, “How many sunset cruises do you do a day?”
The Captain just stared at him.
9th grade history class, watching a documentary on World War II.
Student: “Was everything really black and white back then?”
Teacher: “Yes, color film wasn’t invented until the 1960s.”
Student: “Oh… so the people weren’t black and white, it was just the film?
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In High School: “My uncle was once thrown out of his jeep window when it rolled over and he was fine. It’s safer not to wear a seatbelt because you can be launched away from the accident.”
My coworker when talking about how versatile and amazing potatoes are. “I love potatoes so much. Like, I don’t understand how the Irish got sick of them during the famine.” Then she argued with me when I tried to correct her. She’s 27.
I overheard two women talking about a party that one of them was planning. They hit the topic about getting ice for the party.
One of them suggested that the other look into renting an instant ice machine. The other asked what is an instant ice machine. So she explains that it is the same thing that they have at serve yourself soda fountains and that it will instantly make as much ice as you want. All you have to do is push the lever and you will never run out of ice.
The first woman tried to explain that the ice just falls out of a hopper, but the second woman would not believe her and kept insisting that it was instant and would make an infinite amount of ice.
“Look, Easter’s on a Sunday this year!” announced unironically by a 22-year-old who was raised Catholic.
While trying to help someone with their geography, I pointed at a map and asked her to identify the place I was pointing at. She said “Texas”… I was pointing at India. She later said that Africa was South America.
She was 26 at the time.
“Wouldn’t it be cool if there was a BlockBuster for books.
That people are against solar power because they’re afraid we’ll suck up all the sunlight and burn out the sun. I wish I was joking.
You can remove a full face mask of a bank robber and reveal his face off of CCTV footage using a computer.
“I can’t believe anybody thinks evolution is real. How stupid is it to believe that you can take a rock and it will slowly evolve into a cat over hundreds of years.”
Unfortunately I worked with this person, and he was quite adamant that evolution meant everything evolved from rocks and boulders.
Sociology class talking about current events, specifically Iran and North Korea’s developing nuclear programs. One girl asked the prof very gravely:
“Do you think that we have nuclear weapons?”
This was in the USA btw. Prof was completely speechless.
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My roommate said “Chipotle doesn’t have queso, because Qdoba patented it.”
He honestly believes Qdoba has a patent on melted cheese.
Spinach isn’t really a plant is it? – an IB student in my honors chemistry class last year.
I went to Barne’s and Noble looking for a copy of Commentaries on the Gallic War by Julius Caesar ideally in both English and Latin (I’m a Roman history geek and wanted to improve my Latin, which sucks).
I went to the counter and asked the girl working there about it, she didn’t even type in the computer, just looked at me and said “You know he isn’t a real person right”.
“Who isn’t real?” I asked.
“Julius Caesar, he was just a character in a Shakespeare play”.
I was absolutely stunned, my usually smart ass mouth completely failed me as did my ability to issue an adult like rebuttal. When I replied I sounded like a pouting toddler.
“…He was TOO real.
“What if a women has twins in her womb of different genders, and they have sex, and the baby girl gets pregnant? What if this creates a russian doll type scenario?”
Answer: Because puberty.
Another gem by the same guy: “Why can’t we just cut off chunks of meat from animals, let the meat grow back, then cut the chunks off again.” According to him this would be “infinite food.”
Answer: This kills the animal.
“The tax in Canada is 13%!!!!! Go wait in the car, I’ll talk to them about this!”
“Well in Pennsylvania it’s 6% so I don’t have to pay your absurd taxes here. I AM AN AMERICAN!”
I was in Niagara Falls (Canadian side) and the American family across from me thought that they didn’t have to pay the full sales tax in Canada because they weren’t used to it.
When I was a kid, people used to say I looked like Harry Potter, and my dumbass friend would make fun of me for it.
Me: At least I don’t have an English accent.
Friend: Neither does Harry Potter.
Me: Yes he does.
Friend: No, he’s from London.
Living with my roommate…. had no ability to cook anything and he came up with this one: “How do you make ice cubes
A former co-worker complained to me that a job listing said they would pay $1/hour more for bilingual candidates. “I don’t think that’s fair,” she said. “It’s not my fault I wasn’t born in another country.
“Just take out a loan. It’s free money!
I work in technical support for the security company. The following are a pool of my favorites:
“Approximately how long is sixty seconds?”
“Can’t you just email me a new battery?”
“My smoke detector just started screaming, and now my house is filling with smoke, what is wrong with this thing?”
“Can you just tell me the code before the cops get here please?”
and my all time favorite (and no I am not making this up):
“Last night I was abducted and taken up to the mothership again. I checked my cameras, and they show me in bed all night, what the hell is up with these cameras?
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