1. During sex education, we were on the subject of condom usage and teacher asks “Now, why would it be important for a woman to know how to put on a condom?” Student responds confidently – “just in case the guy ain’t got no arms!”
2. We had the anonymous question box. Best submission from my grade was “Is masturbation possible for women? If so, demonstrate.”
3. Best one from the anonymous Question Box from my grade: “If you lose your left nut, is your right nut still your right nut?” The teacher read it, set the paper down, and after about a minute of silence admitted he didn’t know
4. The football coach teacher had us watch the “Miracle of Birth” on the game tape video player. One kid said “what if you don’t want the baby?” So, he hits reverse, and Boom! the Doctor shoved the baby right back into the vagina.
5. Classmate: “When was homosexuality invented?”
Teacher: “I can’t believe y… fine. You know what? In Ancient Greece.”
Classmate (100% serious): “Oh, okay.”
6. A girl in my grade asked, “what’s the legal age of consent?” We were 14 at the time and in our state the age of consent is 16. So, when the teacher replied the girl screamed out, “YES ONLY TWO MORE YEARS!!!”
7. I was at a Thanksgiving dinner at my in-laws. One of the cousins is there, and her brains are a little fried on account of being basically a lifelong heroin addict. This is likely on top of a host of underlying mental issues. Anyway, this is an extremely conservative family. The mom says grace and all, and dinner conversations start. We’re joking about how many calories the various dishes must be, and how much weight we’ll gain in just this meal. Then she comes up: “Did you know semen is only 5 calories per teaspoon? Can’t gain weight that way!” Stunned silence! Looking back, it was pretty awesome.
8. Year 11 (Class age: 15/16)
Student to teacher: how effective are condoms?
Pregnant girl in class: not very
9. A discussion between a student and a Sex Ed. teacher:
Student: “Can I pee on a girl when we’re having sex?”
Teacher: “Well, actually, when you have an erection, it makes it almost impossible to urinate.”
Student: “Well…what if I, uh, don’t. Can I still pee on them?”
Teacher: “Oh wow, um, I guess that’s just something you’ll have to discuss with your partner at the time.”
10. A girl in my 8th grade class asked our health (and PE) teacher; “If I am pregnant with twins of opposite genders, is it dangerous that the male baby gets the female baby pregnant while they’re still in the womb?” The class teacher stood frozen for 5 seconds before a teaching aid stood up and briefly said no. The look on the man’s face to this wild question was absolutely priceless. He was staring off into space thinking about what he’d just heard. He was so stunned that it seemed to cause a short circuit in his brain. I imagine he’s spent a great deal of time pondering the question ever since.
11. Demonstration gone wrong! The teacher randomly chose a boy and a girl from the class to demonstrate how to put on a condom. She asked the boy to hold the banana, while the girl opened the condom and was to place it on the banana. The boy held the banana sort of drooping down (convex). The girl opens the condom and starts to put it on the tip of the banana. As she wraps her entire hand around the banana to roll it down the banana, the boy slowly rotates the banana, making it point upwards (concave). That was it. The class totally went into a laughing fit. The teacher tried to scold the boy, but she couldn’t contain the laughter either. We were dismissed early.
12. There was legitimately a rumor in my school that you practiced on a sex dollas part of Sex Ed.and the teacher gave feedback to help improve technique. We were like 10.
13. In 6th grade Sex Ed. class, a new student who had been in a sexual relationship with one of the better-looking girls in our grade stood up to ask his question. He said, “I have a friend (emphasizing the word friend so we’d all know he was talking about himself, and to show off that he was sexually active with this girl even though we all already knew it) who had sex with a girl and now it burns when he pees. Is that normal?”
While asking the question, he grinned and made sure he looked around the room at all of us so we got his meaning. The Sex Ed instructor said back to him, “Well, burning or stinging when you pee after having sex with someone could be a sign of an STD and your friend should go to the doctor and get tested.” His face dropped so suddenly into this expression of disbelief and fear and I, for one, couldn’t hold back my laughter.
14. In the 5th grade a kid had the courage to ask “is it okay to masturbate?” I was in shock. But then the rest of the class started asking: “what’s masturbating?” That’s when the Sex Ed. teacher had to give a very awkward explanation to the class of what masturbating is.
15. Why do people choose not to wear a condom? The teacher asked the student to come up to the front of the class and feel the doorknob. Then, he asks the student to put on a winter glove and go feel the door knob again. At the time, it didn’t make a lot of sense to us, but then we started having sex and it made so much sense.
16. I convinced my then girlfriend that people get dimples, when a pregnant woman has sex, and the mans genitals goes so deep it touches the babys head. It leaves an indent.
17. In Grade 10, a girl asks the teacher, how do guys know they are about too ejaculate?. Teacher says, it feels like you’re about to sneeze but on your penis.
18. They told us in public high school in Florida that you could get pregnant from anal. I asked the teacher to show me where the anus connects the uterus. She told me it all connects and to never have sex unless I’m married. Thankfully, my parents taught me about the human body/sex as a child.
19. A mate asked in class, “For gay people, how do they decide which penis will open up for the other penis?”
20. Student: “Why would a woman put a man’s penis in her mouth?” (We were 11 at the time.)
Female teacher: “I have no idea, that’s gross”.
It took me a few years to realize that her husband was a very unlucky man.
21. This was about 5th grade. I went to a Catholic school, so we learned about sperm fertilizing eggs and child development, but we skipped over the whole sex part. Most of us knew what was up due to school bus talk. But, one kid that was more towards the left-hand side of the bell curve asked, ” So does the sperm get to the egg when they kiss?” Still gives me a good chuckle.
22. “Does her vagina eat my penis, and that becomes the baby?” To this day, I still roll on the floor laughing when I remember it.
23. In Grade 6 our first year of Middle School I was a little shit constantly responding to my teachers Questions with answers like ” Your mom” or “Ask Your Mom”. When it came time to teach Sex Ed., the Class was separated by sex. The male group got my Late 20 something teacher with who I was always bothering. At the end of the class he asked us if we had any questions so I asked him If he was still a virgin and without thinking he Just replied “Ask your Mom” then he turned bright red and left the class. It was hysterical.
24. In college, a girl argued with the sociology teacher that as long as the girl is on top, she won’t get pregnant. She was so serious it was funny.
25. A Nerd asked the teacher on the First day if the subject was going to be hard. She still hasn’t understood why we went mad with laughter.
26. For some reason, my high school health class was held in a classroom called the fishbowl, because there were two giant walls of windows that looked out into the hallway, like floor to ceiling…on the day we watched the video about how to self-test for testicular cancer, the governor and a group of foreign diplomat people from our sister cities were visiting. They walked by just as the bombastic voice of the announcer repeats “roll the testicles, roll them, roll them… ” There were various reactions from the group (and our principal) and then everyone burst out laughing when one, very innocent girl raised her hand and said “um, I don’t think I have those parts?!?”
27. I told my Sex Ed teacher that men could get breast cancer, artfully phrasing it as a question, to avoid his ire. He freaked, accused me of clowning and kicked me out of his classroom.
28. One time in health class the teacher said that we were going to learn about the penis. Then one of the female students sarcastically said, “Yum!” The teacher just stared at her and was so confused.
29. During my Sex Ed. Class, they had us watch a live birth video. When the baby’s head came out, I blurted out “OH MY GOD! HOW DOES IT STRETCH OUT SO FAR?!” My female teacher burst out laughing, while I was looking at her waiting for an answer. When she stopped laughing she just said, “I dont know.” I was about 11 at the time.
30. In my fifth-grade Sex Ed. Class, the following discussion ensued:
Kid 1: What happens if the condom breaks?
Teacher: Then your partner will become pregnant.
Kid 2: OH SHIT!
Teacher: Kid 2! Are you trying to tell me that you are sexually active?!
Kid 2: No, not since I lost your moms phone number.
That kid was suspended for a week.
31. A student asked, “Why can women queef, but not men?” Teachers immediate response was, “Get the f**k out of this room. The teacher was in no mood for jokes that day.
32. Aged eleven, a class full of boys being led by the assistant head whoas we came to know much lateris gay. We do the whole secret question box game in case there was anything we wanted clarity on. A good pupil asks quite concerned, “does puberty make you physically ill? One of the jokers in the class asks: “why are condoms flavored? Teacher’s face lit up like a Christmas tree.
33. We were getting ready to watch the compulsory baby birthing video. The teacher was basically preparing us mentally, before commencement. Finally, the teacher pops the video on. A kid (well known for his hilarious antics) jumps out of his desk and goes: LETS DO THIS!, and rips his pants off. Standing there in just his boxers, everyone lost their cool. Teacher obviously kicked him out.
On a different day, same kid asked the teacher, “If a woman has sex while pregnant, can the baby grab on for an early exit?”
34. I didn’t ask this, but this was my biggest question after Sex Ed. in 5th grade. It was probably due to both my extreme naivete from pretty conservative and over protective parents and how abysmally the lesson was being taught; I legitimately did not know where sex was supposed to take place. My biggest guess was a secret government facility only grown-ups were given access to.
35. We were going over breasts and questions began about nipples. “What is the male nipple used for, then?”; asked one child. To which the teacher replied, dead serious too, “Gatorade.” He continued with his lesson. I will forever believe if you milk the male nipple, Gatorade will flow freely.
36. During childbirth, can the baby hit the woman’s clitoris so that she orgasms during delivery? This was 12th grade International Baccalaureate Biology.
37. Do sperm have faces?
38. If a girl doesn’t use her vagina does it close up like a wound? This was from a freshman High School.
39. An old college Biology Professor once told me that in one of his classes, they were doing the reproductive system and he was rattling off the various parts. He listed the vagina and then went on to others. A student behind raised her hand and said, “Excuse me…the Giant what?” Ever since then, he was called The Giant What by the other Bio profs.
40. I had a hot science teacher in 10th grade, I think. We were talking about costumes for Halloween or something. Someone asked if the teacher could wear a costume to class, and she mentioned she had some Halloween costumes and could wear one. So, she started listing off the costumes she had and said pirate costume, a few people asked her to wear that one and she said “I cant wear that one, its not school appropriate.” To this day, I imagine her wearing a sexy pirate costume. Luckily, my current wife was in that class and totally understands me wanting her to wear a pirate costume.