Because they don’t know any better, kids can do some pretty gutless things without realizing. Here, people share the worst thing they did as a child without realizing how truly bad it was.
1. When I was 8, I played with the neighbors who were 16 and 17. The older boy antagonized me during our super soaker fight to the point where rocks were being thrown. Eventually he hit me straight in the [crotch] and I ran home crying.
I walk into the bathroom crying, plotting my revenge. I unzip my pants and fill up my super soaker with all the fury I had in my tiny unit. I walk outside with a mix of rage and confidence thinking I’m going to blast it and get him back for what he’s done to me.
Meanwhile he is getting scolded by his parents, and at an attempt of good faith, he sees me with my water gun and walks outside with his mouth gaping open to accept my revenge. I piss in his mouth via super soaker. The priceless look of realization, and the words I’ll never forget, ” Pee! He shot me with pee!”
I ran home and hid.
2. I fed my twin siblings (three years old at the time) aspirins. Each one took about 10 of them. They both had to be hospitalized. I was 5.
3. When I was really little, like 3 or so, I knew two things were bad: being naked, and flipping the bird.
After every bath before my parents could dry me off I would run full speed through the house naked with both middle fingers flying.
4. When I was about 9, I was playing with matches in an open field and the field caught fire. Two nearby houses burnt down. Nobody was hurt, thank God.
I just hid in my room and heard sirens screaming and everything. When the neighbors and mom started talking about “what a tragedy,” all I could do was nod and agree with focused emphasis.
5. I used to call my Grandma “Grams”, which I then changed to “Grams of fat” after hearing that phrase on TV. I never saw how that could have been offensive until a few years later.
6. My cat scratched me, so I punished it by locking it in my bedroom drawer all day just like my Mum grounded me to my room if I was naughty. Realized a few years later that it wasn’t quite the same.
The cat was fine, by the way.
7. When I was in second grade, my school employed a ‘Buddy Program’ where they paired younger children with the bigger kids so that everyone could learn trust and responsibility.
I was paired with a sixth grader named Gretchen and we got along fine. So fine, in fact, she invited me to play tag with her friends after school one day. Me! A second grader! Playing tag with sixth graders! I had really arrived in the world, but I was anxious that the big kids would view me as a child, rather than a peer, and so, hopped up on social interaction and the high of feeling accepted by your betters, I decided to be “cool”.
I am not cool (continued).
Gretchen’s best friend was a stockily-built girl named Lauren. Lauren got tagged. I saw my chance to make an edgy joke and screamed out, “THE FAT GIRL IS IT!”
Everyone stopped running and looked at me. Lauren got red in the face and sat down. Gretchen walked solemnly over and explained to me, slowly and carefully, that I had said a very cruel thing, and that if I couldn’t act like an adult I should go sit on the slide.
At the time I couldn’t understand my mistake. I never really thought Lauren was fat, so why should she be upset?
When I became a chunky, insecure sixth grade girl, I finally got it.
8. I had this dog when I was younger. She was my absolute best friend. I was that kinda kid who hung out with her dog all the time. We had adventures together, we traveled to mysterious places in our backyard together, we even spooned and slept on the living room floor. So when I was around five to seven years old I took this bonding thing a little too far (continued).
And NOT like that before anyone supposes something.
We kept her as an indoor/outdoor dog. She would use newspaper to go to the bathroom when she was inside. I began to want to bond with her so much I would go to the bathroom on the newspaper with her. I loved her and wanted to see the world through her eyes! So after months of this my grandmother one day asks me about it. She was living with us at the time and asked me essentially if I was shitting and pissing alongside our dog. I lied and said no. However, I then in that moment realized my grandmother was the one responsible for picking up said newspapers.
Only now do I realize I allowed my grandmother to pick up my dog’s and my number ones and number twos for months upon months.
9. When in 7th grade, I passed by my high school and saw a letter in the mailbox. I see that it’s addressed to my geography teacher and it looks personal because his name is handwritten. Stupid me took it home, read it and then threw it away. It seemed to be from a long lost loves that wanted to rekindle whatever had happened in their past. So for no good reason there’s a chance that I changed this man life, robbing him of a potential lover. Twelve years later, I still kick myself about it.
10. I took an egg from the bird’s nest so I thought like “I’ll grow it up and we will be the best friends ever.” The egg cracked in my pocket… I was 6.
11. Played “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” pretty much daily in preschool and kindergarten.
12. I used to pick on a neighbor when I was about 4 years old. All he wanted to do was play with me and I was just mean to him. One time I got a garden hose and started spraying him. When his grandmother came to take him away, I sprayed her as well. Aw man I was such an [awful person].
13. When I was about 8, I saw my friend’s dad kissing my other friend’s mom. My friend’s dad was married.
I asked my friend why her dad was always at my other friend’s house. She asked her mom the same question. They got a divorce.
14. I lugged around a copy of “Mein Kampf” in middle school because I thought it made me look well-read.
15. There was an elderly man named Rudy at church. I was just a five-year-old when I knew him, and I was very shy as a little girl.
Rudy always wanted to give me a hug when he saw me, but in general I never allowed that from anyone but my mom or my dad. At first I tried dodging him. Then I’d run through his arms, every. single. time. when he tried to hug me. All I wanted to do was escape the clutches of a person I didn’t know well enough to hug.
He made a joke about it, and would then try to hug me as a joke each time, making it really easy for me to run through his arms. It became a game of “failed catch” I suppose.
I wish I had hugged him. He was a sweet, sweet man and I hate that I dodged him intentionally.
16. I begged my mom to pay for acting classes so I could be the next disney channel star. She, a young single mother in medical school, paid 4k for the classes. After one month I start complaining and decide I don’t want to go to the next two months of classes.
I really wish I could slap my bratty 11-year-old self and tell her to be more grateful for everything her mother sacrifices for her. Also, it probably would have been nice for my mom to get three hours to herself a week.
17. Fruit Nation. In middle school, my friends and I would save all of our fruit until it was time to leave lunch. Then, as the stampede rushed past, we would drop all of our fruit on the ground where it would be smashed and smeared everywhere.
This went on for months. We were never caught.
Those poor janitors
18. In preschool, I had a dream that one of my friends punched my on picture day, and the day after I came home and told my mom this. She contacted the school and we had a sit down with the principal and my friend and our moms. My friend kept denying he hit me, but I insisted. During this meeting I realized it was a dream, but I never said anything.
19. I used to take rides from strangers. All the time. I had a few close calls and I am as amazed as anyone that I am still alive.
20. I smashed 20 grand worth of my grandmother’s jewelry with a hammer after hearing on TV that diamonds were the hardest thing on earth. I always was one for experimentation
21. I put a nail in the middle of the road because I thought cars should be on one side or the other. I sat there and watched it for an hour. Some guy in a company truck popped his tire on it and then I went inside.
22. I named my snake Herpes. I was thinking Herpetology, Snakes, Herpes! Of course my parents let me keep the name and I took him around while being very proud of myself.
23. I was mad at my sisters one day and decided to carve [my name]s sister is stoopid on the wood window sill in our shared bedroom. To ease suspicion, I also carved [my name] is stupid onto the window sill.
It is still there to this day.
24. My brother was really angry at Frogger (because he was awful at playing computer games), and he was bouncing in excessive frustration in his chair. As he was jumping, I placed a sharp pen under his butt. The scream that followed was even sharper than the pen. The pen went 3 inches into his right butt cheek, and he now has a horrible scar.
25. I used to ride the bus home and hated the bus driver. She would always yell at me for turning around and talking. One day when my brother wasn’t there I told my mum that the bus driver wouldn’t stop at my normal stop and made me walk an extra mile-ish. I just wanted to get her into trouble and my 5 year old self didn’t see the big deal.
She got suspended and transferred. I am a [jerk].
26. When I was 3 or 4, I thought my goldfish were unable to sleep because they were always swimming so I took them out of the fish tank, laid them on my pillow, and tucked them in. Eventually my mom came in the room and frantically put them back into the water. Out of the 7 or so, roughly half survived.
27. My parents used to keep a small tub of vaseline in their nightstand that I assumed was just meant for chapped lips. So I regularly would walk into their room, scoop some out with my finger and apply to my unknowing mouth!
28. I used to play “throw everything at the cars without being caught” with my friends. I was quite of a [jerk] and I regret a lot of things I have done during my childhood
29. I walked into the kitchen after seeing a commercial and asked my mom if my face was “the face of erectile dysfunction,” referencing a commercial I had just seen. She told me never to say it again.
30. In first grade I found naked pictures of my mom hidden in my house. I took them to school and traded them for bubble gum.
My dad was not too pleased to have to go to 5 houses in my very small town to retrieve them.
31. I was eleven years old. During a holiday I met this girl and we kinda liked each other. So this girl and I were playing on a playground, all very innocent. We kinda flirted with each other, flirted how 11-year-olds do.
We decided to go on the see-saw…
Apparently I was a bit heavier so she got “stuck” up in the air. In all my wisdom I decided to quickly get off to scare her. She crashed down, broke her arm. I remember the screaming and seeing a bone stick out. I panicked and did what every great guy/boy does… I ran.
Never saw her again.
32. Found a dead mouse in the basement. Being 6 and all, I was totally intrigued and decided to keep it for further investigation. Not wanting to stink up my room, I kept it in my older brother’s sock drawer.
I guess I just wasn’t the brightest kid.
33. When I was a 5th grader, I watched my dad’s copy of Die Hard for the first time and learned a new phrase. Thinking it was something adults say all the time, I decided to use it to try to be seen as an adult.
So when my new neighbors moved in, my family went to greet them. My mom told me to just say,”Welcome to the neighborhood” and nothing else.
Trying to be an adult, I say that plus the phrase I learned. Turns out saying, “Welcome to the neighborhood, motherf***ers!” wasn’t appropriate to say to your new neighbors.