Everyone has been caught in a lie at some point in their lives, but what happens when you say something totally ridiculous, and the person you’re telling just accepts it?
Here are the most absolutely insane lies people actually got away with for way too long!
1. I convinced a friend in grade 2 that I was a robot. I use to hide circuitboards from old toys in my socks, pull them out and show them as evidence.
2. Mum: “What’s that burning smell?”
Me: “Nothing, I was just burning bits of paper.”
Mum: “Ok, go to bed, you’ve got school in the morning.”
I actually was burning paper, but the paper in question was rolled around a certain illegal plant…
3. A college girl from Oregon once asked me what language they spoke in Canada, and I replied “Canadian.”
When I told her I also spoke Canadian, she believed me and asked me to speak it. So I started speaking a bunch of made-up words, and she was amazed. I wonder if she ever found out the truth.
4. Me:”Sorry I was late couldn’t catch the train”
Teacher: “It’s okay but hurry up now.”
We don’t even have a train station…
5. I convinced a highly qualified 22 year old colleague that vultures are mythical beasts invented by Walt Disney for the Jungle Book.
6. Told a guy in secondary school that I was colour-deaf. He would randomly shout colours at me for about 2 years and I would pretend to be oblivious.
7. I got the original iPhone for my birthday years back, but I dropped it and shattered the screen two days later. I felt horrible, so I went home and connected it to the charger and 15 minutes later proclaimed that the charger had somehow shattered my screen while I was away. I called AppleCare and they said they had been having reports of this happening.
My jaw almost hit the floor.
8. My fundamentalist Christian family believes I’m still a virgin…I’m 22 and celebrating my five year anniversary with my fiance this month.
9. I told my elementary school principal that I had firecrackers in my pockets because my grandfather had instructed me to use them to scare off any woodland creatures that might attack me on my way to school. The principal, wanting to expose me as the liar I was, dialed my grand-dad and asked if this was true.
Grand-dad backed me up & chewed out the principal for challenging his parenting methods.
10. I farted in the line at the Hollywood Video, when I was younger, and blamed it on my dad.
I shouted “Ew! Gross Dad! That smells so nasty!”
Everyone believed he was the one that farted.
My father never said anything to me about it on the way home.
11. “Don’t worry, dad. I’m not gay.”
12. My brothers and I, in middle school, convinced a kid that cats were illegal now because of the high amount of allergic people. We told him he’d have to take his cat down to the police station to get it registered and deported.
I’m not proud to admit that we made him cry, but it was pretty funny.
13. That getting cancer wasn’t a big deal, and that I was coping just fine.
It is. I wasn’t.
14. This kid James in my 2nd grade class had a really racist family, but he wasn’t like that – he liked everyone. When we were kids he told everyone that he couldn’t see “colored people,” and that’s why we couldn’t play together.
Well one day, our teacher mentioned that James was actually colorblind (red/green if I remember correctly). So one of the boys in my grade invented a game where James kept his eyes closed at all times, so that he it wouldn’t matter who he could see and who he couldn’t.
James went along with it because he just wanted to play with all the kids. And we all played together.
15. “Yeah we can stay friends, I’d love that.”
16. I convinced my boss that I’m actually a valuable asset to the company.
17. “Yeah we have polar bears and wolves in the streets of Copenhagen”
18. I am an ESL teacher in Asia. If a student of mine has been to Australia I always ask them if they ate a meat pie.
The answer is usually yes, so my follow up question is then: “Did you like the Koala meat in the pie?”
The look of disgust, shock, confusion, and then disgust again, is absolutely priceless.
I usually then tell them the truth. Usually.
19. In college I didn’t own a cellphone or a landline. My girlfriend shanghai’d me into getting a Facebook account to keep some manner of communication available, and I loved the girl, so I hung up my Christopher McCandless badge and caved.
I hated it. I didn’t care about what you had for dinner or that you finally broke through the friendzone with that galpal of yours or that you poked me or that you and your two best friends ordered some food that looked so appetizing.
But the worst were the event invites. Stop world hunger by eating at Panda Express! One Stop Shop Shark Attack CD Release Party! Free 7-11 Slurpee Day! That last one was the worse. So I retaliated. I fought back against the Facebook. I became interested in men. I proposed to my girlfriend. I converted to Rastafarianism. And I accepted a job as Regional Manager at Pizza Hut.
And one my duties as “Regional Manager” was to invite people to my Free Pizza Hut Delivery Day. I created the event. I made up some stuff about an anniversary of the company and saying the password “cheesy”. And I set the date. On the day of the event, thirteen thousand people were attending. Local Pizza Huts were flooded with phone calls and requests. A few even gave out dozens of free meal, fearing they had missed some information. I received hundreds of messages from attendees raging at me; someone called me the Antichrist, I think. And eventually Pizza Hut sought legal action.
So I shut down my Facebook.
20. I used to work at the Space Needle, and my favorite thing to tell tourists was “The Space Needle was built as the center piece to the 1962 World’s Fair. The Space Thread and Space Thimble were also proposed as additional art installations, but they were denied funding.” I’ll never know exactly how many people believed me. But guessing by the “You don’t say!”s and the “Well I’ll be darned!”s, I would guess at least fifty.
21. Me and a friend convinced this girl that Haggis was a real animal, indigenous to Scotland. Like a pig/sheep cross breed whose hind legs were bigger than its front ones. It roamed the hazy moors of Scotland like a lopsided, majestic emperor.
22. “What is that??” – “Mom, it’s for shooting rubber bands! Look!” It was a homemade bong and I was 15 (or 14). My luck I had a rubber band next to me and I knew how to shoot these bastards! Her response was “Oooh, but don’t shoot at the neighbours again!”
23. Managed to convince a guy I was living with at uni that on the moors (massive stretches of wild countryside for anyone not UK based, think Wuthering Heights/American Werewolf in London) surrounding the city there are packs of wolves who go around eating hikers and wild ponies, and there are people employed specifically to go clear the bits of pony off of the golf courses in the morning. He still didnt call me, just sat there looking amazed, so I went for ‘Yeah, and occasionally one of them with wander into town so keep an eye out for policemen stopping people or sometimes there will be radio announcements just saying ‘stay in doors for a bit” He looked so horrified and but felt so bad when I could tell he was getting genuinely upset, that I had to come clean straight away :S Not sure how he didnt question it – he is a foreign student but has been living in England for the past 5 years… though this is the same guy who once asked me why giraffes dont have universities so…yeah…
24. When I was 5, I convinced my 6 year old brother that the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers were real and that they needed our help. But they could only communicate with me when I was alone, at least until I could convince them that my brother was trustworthy enough to bring in on the mission.
I kept that lie going for 2 years. I made him do obstacle courses, I made up quizzes on his Power Rangers knowledge. I thought eventually he would realize that I was full of it. It finally reached a point where the fun wore off and I just felt terrible about it and spilled the beans.
He would never become the new Orange Power Ranger commanding a majestic Velociraptor Zord.
25. For a school project we had to make food but i totally flaked on making food so I had to make the explanation of the food the group made. It was vegan quiche. I had no idea why you would make it out of tofu instead of eggs but we were studying Asia so I said that there are a lot of Buddhists in Asia and they can’t eat animal products but they wanted quiche. So tofu quiche. The teacher totally bought it. I don’t even know if any of that is remotely true or not.
26. I once convinced a girl that I was the bassist for a band that she had seen just 20 minutes earlier. The thing that finally convinced her was my friend playing air guitar behind me claiming to be the lead guitarist.
27. I convinced a boy at school that Necrophilia was genetic.
28. My friend once got so mad while playing PS3, he threw his controller at the wall and it made a pretty decent sized hole in it. His dad found the hole and asked him what it was from. Well, since it was storming out earlier, my friend told him that the THUNDER put a hole in the wall, it must have “struck the house.” Crazy part is, he fell for it, and now the only thing that’s covering the hole is a hung picture on the wall. I still can’t believe how stupid his dad is at times.
29. Not my lie, but a lie about me… that I believed!
One night out with friends I got really drunk. Like stupid drunk. I live in England so it is the norm. Outside the club we were just in, I start yelling at some girls something really pathetic like “show us your body”. To which they replied “show us yours”. So I did. And not just that. I made it windmill.
Well the thing is, I didn’t realise about this until a few days after. I felt very embarrassed. It was then two years later that I find out that my mates had made the whole thing up. I think I did shout something to the ladies, however nothing happened after that. I was living a lie.
30. Was out in a bar while I was 18 and in the armed forces. Convinced random stranger I was 27 years and just finishing my master’s degree in electrical engineering (which he was a first-year in). Pulled it off by explaining random facts I learnt in high school.
31. My first year in art school we had a project that required you to do or not to do something for 21 days. The subject for your project had to be something the was outside of your comfort zone and something you could document for 21 days. I chose to be ‘pregnant.’
With the help of some velcro, a bamboo pillow, and some duct tape, I had a realistic pregnant belly that I wore out in public everyday for 21 days.
The result: I realized how truly dumb people are.
Fellow students, friends, even professors that I was in class with the day before, all congratulated me on pregnancy, mostly for being able to hide it so well. I would go to bars and parties wearing it, people dumbfounded that a pregnant girl had 40’s duct taped to her hands. So I turned this project in to a lying project, and even to this day it haunts me when friends of friends see me out and wonder how my child is, recalling the fake names I proposed.
32. My friend and I once convinced a kid in our school that they’d recently discovered a new number between 6 and 7 called fanf, our form tutor overheard and joined in the lie and he was a maths teacher to add credibility, it didn’t last long but it was fun while it lasted. The power you can have over year 7’s when you’re in sixth form, those were the days.
33. A friend came down from the flat upstairs.
“We need your help” she says “Is six an odd or even number?”
“Well” I say ” It’s prime, so technically neither.”
She returns upstairs with the answer to her conundrum.
34. I have an immense sex-drive. Random erections were pretty common for me between 16-20.
I was with this girl, hanging out and watching a movie. When we finally kissed a bit I got an erection fast and she reacted with a “Can’t you control yourself?”. This would usually kill it, but no, not today!
So I try to explain: I told her that I have high testosterone levels, and that I have to take medications to keep my sex drive “at bay”. I kept explaining that I would have to wank like 5 times a day just to keep the semen from overflowing. At the time I didn’t know what happens when sperm is not used, so I further explained that my balls would grow to basketballs if release didn’t happen, and that it would eventually just come out by itself.. I even told her that for a period I had to go to a nurse to ejaculate, since the build-up would leave me with giant balls and random ejaculations. She actually believed EVERY word, and we ended up doing it like rabbits all night because she “felt bad for my condition”.
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