This article is based on the AskReddit question “What does the ‘weird guy’ in your office do that creeps you out?”
[Source can be found at the end of the article]
1. I don’t work with him anymore, but when I was pregnant I briefly worked with a guy that was more than old enough to be my dad. He would ask me pregnancy related questions all the time that started out pretty innocent. But then he started getting more and more personal. The final straw was when he asked if my breasts leaked when [cut] I heard babies cry. I didn’t answer so he asked another coworker, who was majoring in biology, so obviously he would know. He also claimed to own a house on the beach in Santa Monica, but we made $10 and hour, so I remain skeptical. He worked there about a month before he got fired for encouraging our developmentally disabled clients to fight.
ablino_rhino
2. He rips crazy-loud farts in the office on the regular.
There have been times he shows up unwashed, unshaven, in what appear to be pajamas.
Some mornings he takes a 10 minute break and comes back way too relaxed. I’m assuming he uses these breaks to masturbate.
JohnnyHighGround
3. Close talker. Really close. You back up and he follows you.
LittleLarry
4. She. Raises/breeds rabbits for eating. Brings the grosses roasts and stews to heat in the break room. They stink. Always rabbit meat. Oh, and roaches crawl out of her handbag when she brings it in and is promptly yelled at to take it to her car. When it’s just her cell phone she brings in little roaches crawl out of it on her desk. Anyway, I don’t work there anymore but she does.
callmesomethingelse
5. I have two.
The creepiest guy used to go to the bathroom and masturbate. When he arrived he used to spread the ejaculate around his neck. His reason was that because of the pheromones being let off his neck the women would instantly get horny (his words) and want to have sex with him. He was later fired for sexual harassment.
The current guy looks just like a spooked turtle all the time. He just stares at you and your computer screen while doing loud mouth breathing. He’ll also suddenly burst out into opera and other strange songs.
DingleDanglies
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6. In my old job a guy came in ~5.30 in the morning and would beat the shit out of the vending machine to try to get free food.
Zeruvi
7. Scott the Engineer: He is a 30 something asian guy with the personality of C3PO. For some reason he brushes his teeth like 5 times per day in the only bathroom in the office. SO I would go in for my morning or midmorning or afternoon shit, and he would keep trying to strike up conversations. The conversations started to get weirder…. I tried to time my bowel movements to avoid him. One day he made a comment like “you wouldn’t spend so much time on the toilet if you ate more fiber”…. that was it so I told him to stop fucking talking to me while I’m trying to do my business. Plus I don’t use the toilet just to shit, but as a place of reflection.
A few weeks later it came out he was timing people in the toilet and gave a list of the worst offenders to the boss….
ooo-ooo-oooyea
8. He is constantly picking his nose, two knuckles deep just digging for gold. Drops food on the floor, leaves it for a few minutes before returning to finish eating it. Always throwing things at upper management when he doesn’t get his way. Tries to lick things to claim them as his. Frequent reminders to use the bathroom and not his pants. Yup, I’m a stay at home dad.
Fatwhiteguy802
9. He’s a conspiracy theorist and very private about his personal life and suspicious of people over minor things. However he also has a really keen eye for social behaviors and knows when shit is going on and I’ve also seen him ask people how they’re doing because he somehow knows something is wrong. He’s a really good cook and often heads the grill during work bbq celebrations. And the dude has the most fascinating stories and insights, like he’s made me openly question some of my beliefs and I feel I’ve grown from it.
Basically if you make an effort to give him his space and you’re very open and honest about your intentions he’ll come around after feeling the situation out. Kinda like a wary stray cat that believes in aliens.
Pariah_Dog
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10. Cough into his hand and then lick his palm. I sat opposite and died a little inside each time.
exastria
11. A friend of mine worked in a camera/developing shop when film was still king. It was a zoo of dysfunctional people, but I can only remember one, some old guy with an office at the back of the shop. He dressed in a shabby suit and dyed his hair black. My friend would frequently catch him standing in front of his desk and talking softly to an imaginary person sitting in his chair
“You can’t do this to me, Joe. You can’t do this to me …”
Also, one day he walked by his office and heard a soft clanking sound and muffled mumbling. He looked in. The guy had taken a giant cylindrical metal ashtray that was normally somewhere else in the building and moved it into his office and was stirring the cigarette butts slowly with a slotted spoon and talking quietly to himself. The air was full of dust and ash.
giraffevomitfacts
12. He will not touch food. He eats his sandwich with the baggie still wrapped around as much of it as possible. He eats bags of popcorn or chips with a spoon. He eats his bagel with a fork stabbed through it. Very strange, but also highly entertaining.
undercanopy813
13. There are a few weirdos at my office!
There’s middle aged guy that’s missing a few teeth. He makes inappropriate sexual comments all the time. Today he was asking all the women in the office if they were wearing Disney princess panties. He also calls my our male Filipino coworker Pocahontas.
There’s also a couple that’s dating. The best word I can think of to describe them is trashy. His desk is right behind mine and she comes over to make out with him on all of her breaks. Her birthday was a few weeks ago. He remembered that she liked Pinky Pie from My Little Pony. I seriously contemplated throwing myself out the window.
ablino_rhino
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14. This one guy asked me how much cash I had in my pocket. I told him I was only carrying cards. Then he asked me what my spending limit was. I told him that was a weird thing to ask someone who you just met. Then tells me that he’s just trying to spark up a conversation..
spraynard_kreuger
15. Never ever washes his hands after going to the bathroom. A number of people have confirmed watching as he has gone from bathroom stall to straight out the door and back to work without pausing to even consider washing his hands. It is common knowledge to never shake hands with him under any circumstances. His frequent and noticeable tendency to audibly pass gas in his cubicle does not help the situation at all.
Semi_Automatic_Mind
16. She always talks about her tits. Look how big they are. The make my back hurt. When I was younger, I got attention from all the guys. But now they’re not so perky. grabs them and lifts them up
She’s 64.
Fuggilification
17. She pulls a swig on a horse-sized bottle of prescription cough medicine after having gone through a ten minute hacking fit.
She keeps large framed holographic pictures of her children on the floor next to her desk.
She snores in her corner cubicle.
When the cube farm went to an open design, she threw a tantrum because her new office chair did not have an added head & neck support. To show her disgust, she worked at her desk with the new chair pushed in but sitting on a chair behind the new one, reaching over and around to type on her keyboard.
She has actually lived in the lab building during the winter when her house’s heat pump was stolen, slept at her desk, used the bathroom sink to wash up, and turned her Metallica shirt inside-out for important meetings.
jimtrickington
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18. She makes a salad by going into the bathroom and washing all the lettuce leaves. She then drapes paper towels all around her cubicle to dry the leaves. She then cuts up hot peppers in her cubicle. She then dries out her used tea leaves. She does this everyday. Her whole isle always smells moldy.
The company put on a baby shower for me and she gave me this used pig stuffed animal with a giant butthole. It was weird.
sixty1g
19. He would walk around looking in everyone’s cars, and talked with coworkers about some of the things he saw, such as asking “What’s in that bag in your back seat?”. We shared a parking lot with other businesses and he would look in their cars too. One time I saw him walk over to the passenger side window of a car, while the owner was still inside talking on her phone. She was holding it on the side he was on, and he approached from behind, so she was talking for at least a full minute without realizing he was there staring at her, before he wandered off.
ghost0427
20. He turns around in his chair, stares at my cubicle buddy for a good 2-3 minutes. Like turns his entire body and goes somewhere in his mind, while she is facing her computer. This has gone on for like a month. No one has said anything, but one point in time I started to IM her a clock, meaning look at your 6. She finally caught on and is creeped out every time he does it.
madeofchemicals
21. He’s old enough to be my father and always makes comments about how pretty my hair is, always says things along the lines of “I’m good now that I get to see you”, and takes every opportunity to wander his way toward wherever I am.
I’m going to report him for sexual harassment. Already talked to my boss about it.
Owlettehoo
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22. Flosses his teeth and picks his ears with everything on his desk. Hand him a report? It’ll be in his mouth in the next 5 minutes. When he picks his ears with his car keys I’ll ask “what are you doing? Starting up your brain?” Pisses him off, but I get a private chuckle out of it.
adrift98
23. From a job I had about 10 years ago (drug store)…
Had own language and would frequently talk to himself
Asked other employees what they’d do to customers sexually as they were checking out
Constructed a suit of armor out of cardboard boxes, hijacked the handicap scooter thing and drove around calling himself “Lord Wellington”…his real name was Dave
Was convinced the stock room was haunted by a gorilla and would call a cashier to go get stuff for him if it would take longer than 30 seconds
Wore those heelies? (tennis shoes with wheels on the bottom)
Would sit in the office at night trying to braid his goatee to look like an Egyptian pharaoh (not so much creepy but hilarious)
There’s probably more I can dig up in my memories of that place.
Tcraw487
24. My male coworker always touches our female coworkers hair. We will be sitting in a group meeting and I see him twirling their hair without them noticing. We’ve pointed it out to him several times but he always claims to not know he is doing it.
DONT_HATE_APPRECIATE
25. This one guy I worked with randomly gave a girl a gift out of the blue and told her not to open it ’til she got home. She went ahead opened it right after he left the room because, well, he’s the weird guy and everyone wanted to know what scheme he had hatched this time to get a girl.
Inside was a literal gas pedal to a car, the lyrics to Gas Pedal (Sage the Gemini) that were still warm cause he had just printed out on the office printer, and a note offering to install it on her car over the weekend.
cdyryky
(Source)
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