Have you ever watched someone sleep? Come on we’ve all done it. You watch as they smile, and wonder what glorious things they could be dreaming about. It’s a beautiful moment, until you hear something come out of their mouth that makes you go ‘huh?’ You start to question your whole relationship with this person.
Here are some of the craziest things people have overheard someone say while they were sleeping.
1. I was awake playing a video game, and suddenly my significant other sits straight up in bed, eyes closed. He points at the foot of the bed and says, “Malfunction!” Then lies back down and goes back to sleep.
2. My younger brother had a complete dialogue of an encounter at a McDonald’s drive-thru, both as the customer and the cashier. I woke him up immediately afterwards because I wanted details and he said the McDonald’s was in Atlantis.
3. My girlfriend claims I said this. “The specific heat of water is unusually high.”
It has been two years since I took any kind of physics course, and I don’t have much of an interest in thermodynamics.
4. My first wife was sleeping sound, and I was up watching TV. I heard a sudden and incoherent mumbling started. She then sat straight up, with force, and said resolutely, “If Hitler can do it, I can do it.” I did not sleep that night.
5. When my younger brother was about 4 or 5 years old he used to giggle in his sleep. I used to wake up and walk passed his room to get to the toilet in the middle of the night and randomly hear a child laughing. I just stopped drinking water before bed for a few years.
6. My roommate said he heard me say “jingle jangle” in my sleep.
7. My husband once said ‘Dolly R. Parton’ and I was like ‘why did he throw an R in there’. Curiosity got the better of me and I googled her middle name which is Rebecca. It was strange. I asked him the next morning if he knew Dolly’s middle name, which he did not.
8. I’ve listened to a recording of myself singing “Dr Jones” while sleeping. Apparently i think i am a karaoke king in the land of slumber, my significant other doesn’t find it quite as enjoyable though.
9. I was camping and my friend sat up and yelled, “Ravioli ravioli, give me the formuoli!”
10. I was just waking up, and my then boyfriend said, “Shhh.. Don’t say anything.” So, I checked if he’s up already, but he was still sleeping.
11. Until I had a boyfriend, I didn’t know I was a sleep talker. One day he shows me a video of a conversation we had while I was asleep.
Apparently, I need a visa to visit the south pole. I’m really excited because penguins work there, and they have jobs. Penguin employment was apparently one of my biggest social justice causes. Then I got mad at him for never telling me he was french.
12. My brother sat up, meowed, rubbed his head on my shoulder, and then went right back to sleep. He has no recollection of it happening.
13. I had a friend who was sleeping on the couch. I got up from my computer, and right then he sat up, looked at me and said, “Where’s Rob?” My name is not Rob nor is anyone in the house. He kept asking and I kept saying there is no one named Rob here. After about 4 times of him asking he just mumbles “You’re a poopy head.” Boom, right back to sleep.
14. My boyfriend started laughing and in between the laughter said, “Nothing cures cancer”.
15. My ex once slurred several lines from Uptown Girl while I was spooning her.
16. My boyfriend is an insomniac, so I sometimes come to bed with him and talk to him until he falls asleep. One day, just as his eyes were closing, he rolled over to me and said “Why were the Star Wars films 456, then 123?” I told him I didn’t know. “Because the director, Yoda was!” I woke him up laughing. Best part was that when I told him what he’d said, he swore he’d never heard that joke in his life.
17. My sister used to sleep walk and talk in her sleep when she was young. She said some very strange things including: “All these people… All these people getting into the oven, and don’t they know it’s not even working?”
18. My father came into our room to wake my brother up early for a soccer game. As he says his name my brother just replies, “UH, no mayo!”
19. I have a journal of things my husband says in his sleep. A few nights ago I came home late. He was sleeping. I came in as quiet as I could, but he shot up and said in a panic, ” Where are they? ” I asked, “Where’s what? ” He said frantically, “THE GUNS!! WHERE THE HELL ARE THE GUNS?!” His eyes were open and I was kind of confused and I said slowly, “Mine…is on…my hip, and yours…is in the safe.” I figured at the point he was sleep talking again. He laid back down and said, “Ooooh, okay. I thought they were missing.” Then he immediately starts snoring.
20. I talk in m sleep and my mother told me when I was around 13 I said, “Give me back the skateboard!” I had never skate boarded before.
21. Apparently, I said, “My hairdryer is covered in fish.”
22. One time on vacation, my brother and I were both asleep and had an argument about how I never pass the ball to him. My parents couldn’t stop laughing the next day.
23. When he was about 10 years old, my brother asked, “Is it bigger than a toaster?”
24. My brother once screamed, “YOU KILLED MY WIFE!” He is not married.
25. A boyfriend once said, “I’m obviously the captain because I’ve got the nicest potato”, with a huge grin on his face, fast asleep.
26. Brother and I were home for Christmas one year and had to share a room. I heard him tell me to go get him a sandwich in the middle of the night, and then promptly tell me to go get my own.
27. In high school I had a friend sleeping over at the house. He said in the middle of the night I said, “Nooo mommy I don’t want to ride the roller coaster!” Soon after I rolled over and said, “Mmmmmmmmm….. puddin.” He woke me up with his laughter and to this day I still wish I could remember the best pudding dream I’ll ever have.
28. I screamed at my mother, crying “GET THE THINGY!!!” over and over, she didn’t know I was asleep at first and started freaking out and crying, thinking Something was seriously wrong. We still don’t know what the “thingy” was.
29. My boyfriend once sat up and full on screamed like he was being murdered for about 5 seconds, then smiled happily and went back to sleep. I did not get back to sleep that night.
30. Had some friends over for a three day pizza and Dungeons and Dragons binge over Christmas break. One of my friends was asleep on a weird arrangement of couch cushions, and he woke us up by speaking. However, they weren’t actual words. He was sort of humming with the inflections of sentences. The rest of us looked at each other with a thought like “Hey, should we go wake him up?”, but then he started straight up moaning, so we all looked at each other and wordlessly decided to leave him be.
31. My man sleep talks like no other. One night he said, “Where’s my harpoon gun? I need to harpoon the cat to the boat.” He has two cats that are basically his children so it was doubly strange.
32. I remember it was homecoming night senior year so a bunch of friends and I go to my house to sleep. My girlfriend was already exhausted, so she falls asleep early. As I’m getting ready to carry her to a bed so she wouldn’t be woken up by all of us she points at me and proclaims at the top of her lungs.
“You are the Charismatic Hibachi!”
33. I was sleeping in the same bed as my best friend and out of a dead sleep she wakes up, eyes wide, and in the most accusatory tone, says, “Why did you put lettuce in my wine?”
34. My boyfriend said “hello?” in a voice i had never heard him speak in before. Sounded like a little child, even though he usually has a very deep voice. Scared the hell out of me. I woke him up and he said he heard it too. Then I said, “But you said it…” and he was like, “But I don’t know how I said it…”
35. The first time a guy slept over at my house when I was like 18, he was spooning me in his sleep and I heard him mutter, “If only you were fatter or pregnant, then I’d have more to cuddle.” I froze and laughed, assuming the comment was a joke, I turned around and found he was actually fast asleep. I brought it up the morning after and he was confused and had no idea.