1. They’re after me!
Not a sex ed teacher but in college I dated a 21 year old girl who believed that sperm could rapidly swim up off the bed sheets, over her leg and down her vagina and through her cervix on their own like hungry sentient parasites.
Imagine if that was real and you had to swat and slap the sperm to death off their faces and chests before they reached their target.
2. Teaching goes both ways.
We had a really nice young female health teacher in my high school who insisted female ejaculation was a myth. By the end of the lecture a kid had been sent to the office for saying “Are you joking!? Open your browser and give me thirty seconds and I’ll show you!”
3. Seems reasonable.
During “the talk” at our school one guy asked if one testicle produced girl babies and the other produced boy babies. Looking back, it wasn’t such a bad question from the mind of a ten year old but oh how we laughed!
4. An h’orifice misunderstanding.
My sex ed teacher in high school told us stories about a female student she had a long time ago. The student got pregnant and was freaking out to our teacher not knowing what happened because she had apparently been taking birth control. My teacher was asking her typical questions about her situation, how long she was taking them, etc. then later the girl mentions she had been taking her birth control pills vaginally. She figured that since the baby comes from there, that’s where you take the pill.
5. Thankfully, not quite.
In sixth grade, a boy in my class, obviously unfamiliar with the female anatomy, thought that boys were shat out through the anus.
6. The aura of pregnancy.
A girl in my school became upset when she found out one of her suite-mates was having sex in their shower. She warned her roommate one night before she went in the bathroom.
Girl: “I just thought you should know that Kelsey has been having sex in there. So… You should probably wear some sandals when you shower”
Roommate: “yeah it’s a little gross, but I’m not that worried. It’ll be alright.”
Girl (whispering): “yeah… but… you don’t want to get like… pregnant or anything….”
7. Why prevent pregnancy when you can have a cute ‘lil penis jacket?
When I was about 8 I thought condoms had holes in the end of them so sperm could get out, so they were really just a little jacket for a penis to wear. Because why would you have sex if you weren’t trying to have a baby, right?
8. Better late than never!
One of my friends (He was SEVENTEEN) really, 100% genuinely thought you could get pregnant from kissing.
9. Very imaginative, but no.
At about age 10 or 11 a neighbourhood friend thought sex was something a guy could only do one time in his life. After a guy was done, his penis would fall off and turn into a dildo. He later explained that he found a plastic penis in his mom’s nightstand and thought it was what used to be his dad’s fleshy member.
10. The wisdom of a gold-star gay.
I, a gay male in my 30s, had to explain to a fellow teacher, a heterosexual woman in HER 30s what the clitoris was, how it worked, and that it was similar to a penis in many ways. I sex-ed’d a grown woman.
I’m a gold-star gay. The last time I touched a vagina was when I came out of one. How do I know this, and she doesn’t? Baffling.
11. An inconvenient truth.
I did group sessions for teenage male drug offenders, covering topics ranging from drug education, relapse prevention, to basic life skills. I had almost my entire group tell me they didn’t need to wear condoms because they had smoked so much weed, they had killed off all their sperm. Then I asked them how many of them had kids or pregnant girlfriends. My bowl of condoms was empty by the end of the day.
12. Sounds painful.
That the testicles had to go inside of the vagina for fertilization of an egg to happen.
13. Unfortunately, these are common birth-control misunderstandings!
I’m a teacher, but not a sex-ed teacher. My state is abstinence-only education and so most of the sex-ed is limited at best. This may explain a 9th grade class I had three years ago with 4 mothers in it. Anyway, one of my students was convinced that if you jumped up and down after you had sex you wouldn’t get pregnant. Without using any words that make me blush, I told her unequivocally that she was wrong and not to try that at home. Then another student raised her hand and essentially asked about the pull-out method (she didn’t know the terminology) and I told her, again, that was not a real reliable method especially with teenage boys. Then a third student asked about having sex when you are not ovulating (she actually asked, “What about having sex during some parts of the month and not others”) I explained that teenage girls may or may not have a real reliable menstrual cycle and being even a day off of the rhythm method could result in pregnancy. Finally, after towing the company line (the only fool-proof method is abstinence, and in the absence of abstinence – take care of yourself) a girl in my class sighs and said, “Well, I will just keep doing situps after sex.”
I kid you not. And some of these girls were AP/college preparatory students.
Best one I heard was from the nurse at our school who was explaining all of the disease you can get from vaginal, oral, and anal sex. A girl in the class raised her hand and said, “So that’s where crack babies come from?” The nurse asked her, “What?” And the girl said, “Crack babies…you know…from anal sex.”
14. Good thing she knows now.
I know of a pregnant girl who didn’t know “where” babies came from. This was a friend of mine’s cousin whos mum had always had C-Sections with her kids. So when she was told about the “natural method of birthing a child”… she freaked.
15. It can be tough understanding our own bodies.
Not a sex Ed teacher, but I am a registered nurse. I was conducting a preop interview on a teenager who was going to have surgery. She was there with her mother (probably in her late 30s/early 40s), and I was asking basic health related questions — past medical history, surgical history, allergies, etc. At the end of the interview, the teen (looking kind of embarrassed), asked me “how many holes do we have down there?” I answered “women have three.” Just then, the teen looks at her mom and exclaims, “See mom, I told you!!” And the mom looks confused and asks, “are you sure it’s three?” I tell her, “yes, women have three – vagina, urethra, anus – and men have two.” The mother goes, “men have two??” I was shocked…
Long story short, I had to draw them a picture of female and male anatomy to drive the point home. They thought that women urinate from their vaginas :/ I can see how the teen could be confused, but the mom was too!
16. When sex-ed isn’t properly taught, it’s easy for this to happen.
I’ll admit I am no sex ed teacher, but I did know a girl who had just graduated college and did not know what her period was all about. She knew she got it and she bled, but she did not know that it had anything to do with getting pregnant. She did not know that if you had sex you could get pregnant. She did not know that not getting your period was a symptom of pregnancy.
She refused to believe me when I tried to explain it to her.
17. A destructive misconception.
27 year old coworker thought you could get AIDS by being in the same room with someone who had it. We had a patient who had it. He was on his way out because of it. Junkie who shared needles. Before we entered the room, he wore a mask, which I understood because he smelled bad but not more than the average homeless person. He, then, starts to cough and leaves. I stay until I was done talking to the patient about all the new equipment that he was going to be on. Coworker was outside saying he didn’t want to “breathe in the AIDS”. I swear, I laughed so hard, I got light headed, fell, and peed a little. To this day, it’s the 3rd most embarrassing thing he’d ever said or done.
18. Good thing questions are being asked!
English teacher here. (Ok, not sex ed, but you’d be surprised about the blurted statements during the Romeo and Juliet unit.)
So I had one girl who honestly believed that she couldn’t get pregnant if she didn’t have an orgasm.
Had one boy who thought humans basically stopped growing pubic hair in the 1980’s.
Believed you could get AIDS by being gay. Not having unprotected intercourse, but just homosexual.
19. It’s not just about making babies.
My little sister was 13 and my brother had just gotten married. I mentioned to my sister that i thought it was weird that my brother is going to the same cabin as my father had for his honeymoon with my stepmom.
My little sister said it wasnt weird because sex is only for having babies, and since my brother didnt want kids for five years they wouldnt be having sex, and that my dad was too old to have kids so they also never have sex.
Explaining to her that there are more reasons for sex was awkward.
Also, my sister in law until she was 16 thought that sex meant you lay down side by side and the sperm crawled out of the guys belly button and into the girls belly button.
I’m a rape educator and was teaching an entire fraternity about consent. One boy very seriously looked at me and asked, “If I put the condom on really really slowly does that count as asking for consent? I mean like really slowly.”
21. Poor information is everywhere.
My sex ed teacher only misinformed my health class further… Told us that you have a 90% chance of getting an STD if you have premarital sex, women can’t have orgasms (“so it’s not worth having sex if you’re a girl”), porn causes men to be abusive… Ugh.
She started the class out by asking, “Raise your hand if you think people who have sex before marriage are going to hell.”
22. It’s what she knew.
I remember a girl in my class who had grown up with 5 older brothers asked our teacher when her penis was going to grow in. It was an awkward 3 minutes for everyone.
23. An inventive attitude.
For the longest time I thought condoms were nothing but a special elastic band that went on the dick, and squeezed hard enough to block the semen from shooting out of the penis.
I was confused about why they wouldn’t have some kind of sack to catch the semen instead. I thought I had stumbled upon a huge improvement and thought I could become rich. Started making plans and trying to figure out how to make some sort of prototype before I just forgot about it (like so many of my personal projects).