Users of Reddit were asked about their stories ruining intimate moments, here’s some of the best answers!
1. Oh the wonder of it all!
We were kissing and I pulled away and whispered “When we kiss, it creates a really long tube that connects both our buttholes.” Then tried to lean in again for the kiss. Would not recommend.
2. Something in common.
A girl told me she had never had a first kiss before and got close to me. I said, “me neither” and backed away.
3. The best possible thing to say.
Friend’s 3 year old brother walked in on their parents bumping uglies and exclaimed, “well well well, what do we have here?”
I thought that was pretty smooth for a toddler.
4. Movies are for making-out.
Took a girl to a movie, she’s staring at me like 5 minutes in. “What are you looking at?”
5. Pussy time.
Middle of intimacy. On bottom. Cat jumps on bed.
6. Hot n’ cold.
I grabbed my then-partner’s penis. With my hands. My permanently freezing hands.
7. A new perspective
Things were heating up with the ex. I guess I looked up from the wrong angle and she said I looked like a baby. For reasons unknown I quipped back with “yeah a sexy baby”…things came to halt.
8. Hey guys what’s up? what’s going on guys? what’re you doing? Hey guys?
Not me, but my puppy ruined it. The husband and I were going at it on the couch. He was getting close, things were intense, and out of nowhere our puppy puts her paws up on the couch and licks my husband on the ear. He was giggling too much to finish.
9. Well, There was no sock on the door right?
Walked into my room in college and asked my room mate if he had checked the rat traps. Turns out he was about to get lucky, but the girl was really scared of rats/mice/small rodents, and I totally freaked her out. In my defence there was no sock/tie/note on the door and the door wasn’t locked, but yeah I never saw that girl again.
10. Bad timing, foot.
I got cramp in my foot when going down on a girl, my face cringed up and I started shouting…
11. Who’s that guy I know on drury lane?
One night during the foreplay, I leaned in to whisper something sexy to my fiance and for some reason my brain spit out, “THE MUFFIN MAN!”. In my defence it was a spot on impression of the gingerbread man from Shrek.
12. Needed a king-size.
Rolled her off the bed. She hit her head on the bedside table.
13. A champion’s ride.
I told my ex to “Call me Seabiscuit”
Worth the laugh.
14. Break me off a piece no matter what.
Reached over a couple that was getting busy to grab a kit kat.
15. A chance at gallantry denied.
I ruined an intimate moment by running away from a snake.
Him and I were cuddling and making out at the side of a river, when he noticed a snake emerging from the banks. “Baby look out!” He said, and I bolted. He wanted to do the cute man thing by picking me up and carrying me away but I left him and the snake right where I found them.
16. Dinosaur jokes are the best.
Laughed about a dinosaur joke I remembered from earlier that day.
17. Double whammy.
By calling her the wrong name. Twice. Not the same wrong name, two different wrong names.
18. Don’t ever!
Don’t ever draw eyes on your penis. It may be absolutely hilarious, but the sexual interactions cease.
19. Tales from a noob.
A girl I was crushing on in high school was extremely flirty with me, with constant random cheek kissing and all that. One day, she got really physically close to me and asked “[slickguy], do you have a girlfriend?” I didn’t wanna come across as a noob, so I flatly lied, ‘Yes’, hoping to look cool and impress her.
In the subsequent months she no longer was so flirty. It wasn’t until in college that I realized she had asked me that question because she wanted to check if I was single. So in hindsight, yes, I was a noob.
20. Normally, a good laugh.
About 10 years ago when my wife and I were just dating I was over at her place hanging out. She was cleaning up her room going through a bunch of old stuff and she came across a set of candy nipple tassels that her ex had bought her. Instead of throwing them out I took off my shirt and put them on and started dancing around. She didn’t find it as funny as I did so I went to go surprise her mom. I had heard the garage door open a few minutes prior which meant that her mom and her mom’s boyfriend were outside smoking. I went down to the garage and ripped off my shirt, started dancing and yelled “is it hot in here, or is it just me?” this normally would have gotten a good laugh, but her mom’s boyfriend had got a call a minute prior and found out that his mom had just died and he was crying and being consoled. It wasn’t a sexy intimate moment, but it was definitely an intimate moment that I totally ruined.
Image Credit: Robert Kneschke / Shutterstock.com