Working at an adult store will, inevitably, lead to some of the wildest stories.
Below are 30 of the craziest things customers have done while in one of said stores. Check them out!
1. We do NOT sell these to kids!
I have a ton of stories, like people jerking off in the rentals room, people returning tapes smeared with lube and God knows what else, but my all time favorite was when I ordered Chinese food delivered there, and this sweet little old Asian man delivered it. He had never been in a porn shop before, and was like a kid in a candy store. He was asking what everything was and how it worked, and there was lots of laughter till we got to the dildo wall and he suddenly got furious.
He pointed at this super small realistic dildo, think size of a finger, and he starts yelling angrily, “WHAT IS THIS?!?” I was thinking he thought it was an Asian dildo, but then he yells, “You sell dildos for children?!?” I laughed and explained that men and women just have many strange tastes for dildos, but that we only sell to adults. Awkward.
A female friend of mine worked in the Agent Provocateur shop in London, England. One day a guy walks in and asks her to close the shop early so his “friend” can come in and shop. She says no, he says, it’s Angelina Jolie. She says “ok”, and closes the shop so AJ can have a private purchase experience.
3. So many thoughts…
I had a customer passed out from some drugs on the shift before mine and my coworkers forgot he was in the arcade. Later that night while I was working and watching slasher movies to pass the time I heard a noise in the arcade. No one has come in for three hours at this point. I’m freaked but I have to go check it out. I go into the arcade with my flashlight, and yell “anybody back here”. Out jumps this crackhead butt naked and screaming. He runs past me through the fire exit and into the night. I later found a… I later found a crack pipe a wallet with some cash and his clothes. Scared me like no other time in my life.
4. Your patronage is appreciated.
I worked in a crummy video store that was probably a tax dodge… Our main moneymakers was the children’s section and then, a distant second, the adult DVDs. This was mainly supported by one old guy who would shuffle in and rent the same DVD week after week, year after year. At least two or three hundred rentals; the system didn’t keep logs as far back as this guy had been renting the exact. same. porn DVD.
He could have easily bought it a hundred times over, or stolen it long ago (we wouldn’t have cared at all) and finally the store is closing. The managers like “Your last paychecks are 99.9% gonna bounce, so steal whatever you want now”
Us, being nice, finally offer this gentleman the DVD to take home and keep. He refuses over and over till finally the manager writes him a letter “rewarding him a free permanent rental due to his patronage” or some such. He cried.
5. This is a story and a half…
Some guy tried to return a used vibrator. We did not take returns because… well come on, do you want a refurbished vibrator? Ugh. Anyway, this guy started screaming at my manager over a $30 vibrator that his wife broke with her vagina and he wanted another one without paying for it.
When my manager explained to him we don’t take returns and would need him to pay for the new one, he threw the used vibrator at my managers head (which she managed to duck), grabbed the new vibe and booked it to the door.
My manager did the dumb thing and followed the guy out of the store, while angrily yelling to the police on the phone. She planned to get the guy’s license plate number to report him.
He ended up trapping her in the front lobby by blocking the door with his foot, while she is still reporting his description to the police. He then proceeded to grab her by the throat, throw her against the glass, then run out of the store, with his new vibrator.
…To where his wife was in the car, watching the whole thing, and screaming for him to get in so they could go.
6. Test before buying.
Someone I knew who worked at a sex shop. One day a lady came in and asked to see the Ben Wa Balls (basically metal balls that you put up the vagina). They were in a counter and so he put them on top of the counter, she throws her leg up and puts one right in.
7. The most expensive night ever!
Had a friend that worked at a sex store in Canada. She told me this amazing story of a break in they had . So they show up to work one morning and the glass door in the back has been smashed by a cinder block so no alarms have gone off . The two that opened the store go to the security camera footage to see what happened .
They start watching this skinny kid, no more then 18 or so, crawl in through the hole he made in the glass , he walks around the store looking like he’s looking for something and doesn’t even head to the register. The guy goes straight to the super expensive real doll section . Grabs a bottle of lube off the shelf and precedes to do three or four different toys including a 600 dollar “perfect pussy” and a $2000 real doll . Guy then finishes up and just leaves through the whole he made .
Story goes the cops recognized him and picked him up a couple days later , Because of the damage to the door and all the expensive stuff he literally “screwed up ” they charged him with damages over 5 grand!
8. I learned a new code today.
I have been flashed MANY penises. And you’d be surprised at how many men stroke themselves through their pants while browsing.
But all the fun and gross stories come from our “video arcade”. That’s code for “glory hole haven”.
9. Not good enough!
One of my organ students worked in an adult store during college (he was also a part-time church organist, and always concerned that someone from church might spot him there).
He told me that he decided to quit because a customer brought back a used dildo and wanted to exchange it for something “more satisfying.” The customer made a scene when told that he couldn’t exchange used merchandise.
10. This trumps any horror story..
A friend of mine used to work in one. One of his co-workers used to ride their bike to work and would often store it in one of the booths. They would clean these booths multiple times a day with gloves and bleach for obvious reasons. Well my friend went to clean the booth where the bike was stored and proceeded to grab the bike handle while kneeling down to clean the floor and his hand slipped off the handle. Some dude, who had just been there, lubed up the bike handle and was using it for some butt pleasure.
11. Not my kind of job.
Found during a stock take a double ended penis pump, which was pretty weird.
Had a customer come in, I asked if I could help and he said ‘No thanks, I don’t speak any English. I’m just here to get something for my brother’. He grabbed the most expensive replica vagina there was and paid cash – about $700.
Had two Irish guys come in first thing in the morning. They’d been out all night and my shop was the first place to open. They looked around for a bit then one of them said ‘Hey, you got somewhere here we can rack up some lines of speed?’. I was about to point them to the toilet when his mate punched him in the arm and said ‘You don’t be so rude. You ask the man if he’d like to have some speed with us!’. Closed up the shop, turned the security camera off and they racked up some lines on the counter.
12. Do whatever it takes for a laugh.
Not me, but ex-girlfriend, worked in a tasteful erotic store where an older heavy-set man would often come in and take small thongs from the rack, put them on in a small dressing room, and walk to the ladies working there, hoping for a reaction. She was warned about him when she started working there.
13. Yikes, creepy turn.
Not me, but an ex girlfriend.
She worked at a sex store that also had a large video rental section. There used to be this foreign guy who would show up, pick up movies, bring to counter, and then in broken english would ask the staff what the words were.
Turned out he spoke perfect English and just got off on the girls saying dirty words.
14. Can we go one shift without this, please?
I know some people who own a bar in Southern Spain. One time a teenager come in and asked to use the restroom, when they checked the restroom after he left they discovered that he had been using the toilet brush to shove up his ass. It was covered in crap too.
15. Of course people are gonna watch!
One afternoon I saw a fistfight in an adult cinema. My local porno store had a small cinema out the back. I was a little drunk so I paid my five bucks and in I went.I walked in right as the fight was breaking out.
A couple in their mid 40’s had decided to do it in the cinema. When all the dudes in the cinema gathered round to watch, the husband didn’t like the close attention.
He started shoving the nearest guy and they threw a few punches at each other as his wife yelled at them.
The guy behind the counter came in and calmed things down.
The couple left, and one of the peep show girls told the husband off: “If you do it in an adult cinema OF COURSE people are gonna want to watch!”.
The funniest part though, one guy in the cinema didn’t stop beating off throughout the whole ordeal lol.
16. Of course you realize, this means war.
I remember a buddy of mine who went in to a sex shop with a pair of calipers on hand to measure out the diameter of dildos. Mainly because he planned on using them as projectiles for his grenade launcher during air soft games. Best part is he told the lady at the counter his intentions for the dildo. She said that launching them will hurt like hell, he didn’t believe it because he thought that can be changed by adjusting the co2 pressure of the grenade shell.
Let’s just say after some extensive testing, we found out that getting hit by a dildo will knock you off your feet and break a windshield of a car.
17. Sounds like a Bugs Bunny cartoon.
Just after I got out of the Army, in the late 70s, I worked at an adult theater running the projector, doing the lighting for the strippers, cleaning, and fixing stuff. For the record, the sound system was the bomb, for the day, and there was nothing as grand as cranking up Dark Side of the Moon, after hours, and tripping out while cleaning the place up.
Anyway, aside from your usual run-of-the-mill creeps and weirdos, like the guy who would leave a used, green, condom in the middle of the aisle every Tuesday night, or the stripper who would fill her whoha with whipped cream and ping pong balls to launch into the front rows, it was not uncommon to have couples come in and get frisky. Almost always in the back rows. From the projection both, you could see them clear as day (most probably had no idea, others were likely hoping to get caught).
So, they hire this new kid and I’m teaching him how the projection booth works. It doesn’t take him long to realize he can see what’s going on in the theater and he takes to spending most of his “free” time sitting in the window where the spot lights are for the strippers.
His third or fourth night there, a couple sits right under the window, gets naked and starts doing it. The kid spots them and takes his seat, then starts leaning out to get a better look… Fell right out the window. Funniest thing I ever saw.
18. Nobody can be THAT evil.
I worked part-time in this video rental store that had porno flicks.
The store was set up in a way that the children’s movies were at the front, where you can see them from the street. Kids could even come in – the porno stuff was around a corner, 180 through a door. And you had to get past me first.
Well, this also means that I do not have total view of the porno racks at all times, not even when I’m at the counter (which you have to pass to get there).
There was a guy who would come in and jizz on the covers of DVDs, then put them back in the shelf. But not up front, so you could see there was jizz on it – he always put them in second, or three deep, so you could only “discover” the jizz trap by sorting through them.
Guy was eventually caught. God, I so wish I could have been witness to that, but it wasn’t my shift.
Most cliche thing about it: He wore a brown trenchcoat most of the time he came in. Closed up the front, like an exhibitionist from the movies.
Oh, and the girl working there was shown a penis pic on a phone. The guy asked her if they had any porno with “penises like this”. It was his own penis, sticking out of his own pants, with his shoes and his shirt – all of which he was currently wearing – on the photo.
19. She’s working now!
Not me but my brother owns an adult store and he told me this story.
Older lady comes in and tries to return a remote control vibrator saying it doesn’t work. My brother, after putting on latex gloves, grabs the remote control and puts new batteries in it.
With the fresh batteries installed my brother presses the “go” button and instantly the older woman lets out a moan and says, in what my brother called a old smoker’s voice, “Oh yah it’s working now!”
20. How dare you ruin Marty McFly?
A friend in college worked at an adult book store (late 90s, early 00s.) They had a rash of people renting XXX VHS tapes, recording over them with Back to the Future, and returning them. Lots of pissed off renters coming back with tapes adulterated to be un-adult-rated.
21. Best not to think about it.
I have a friend that works at a sex shop. One of the chillest people I know, he’s told us lots of stories. He frequently takes pictures of the weird stock they get in and shows it to us as well as the dumb names of the movies they get in. The story that stood out the most was when he told us a couple came in. It was a guy at least 6 foot 5, and a woman half his size, no bigger than 4 foot 10. They apparently asked for the largest dildo in stock, bought it and left. It was like 14 or 16 inches. Totally absurd.
22. The horror…the horror…
Where to start. I worked at the same chain of adult stores in multiple locations over the course of 4 years. 2.5 years as a clerk. 6 months assistant managing. And 1 year managing my own location. I’ve seen some stuff:
In one of the preview booths i once found a full fishnet body suit, a dildo the size of my arm and nipple clamps. We don’t allow anyone to take items with them in there.
Caught an old man sucking on a display.
Caught a woman who appeared to be on drugs diddling herself with a display. And was offended when I interrupted her and asked her to leave.
Papertowels covered in crap and blood.
A guy passed out fave down with his pants around his ankles and rubber balls protruding from his butt.
23. Not so bad!
I worked at one in as a freshman for the 2002 summer, before internet porn was adopted by the mid-late aged crowd. We posted a public schedule of when which employee would work and at least 20 people would call in each Sunday to check when one or two people would be working, which I found weird but it’s a great job for studying on the clock. I also got to make a great first impression on a lot of my professors.
24. Sell the behemoth!
I was an avid reader, so I would bring books and comics in to read during the midnight shift (this was a 24-hour store). One time I was reading Shirley Jackson’s “The Haunting of Hill House” when some guy came in and asked what I was reading. He looked at the cover, said “That’s weird,” and went back to browsing dildos at midnight.
Now where I live there are weird laws about adult stores, one of which is that you can’t have an adult store. You can only have “clubs” that sell adult items. So we got around this by selling a 50-cent membership card. I had a guy come in and give me a really hard time about the membership card because he didn’t have one. I threatened to call the police and have him removed so he relented.
The funniest sale I ever made was to a young couple, guy and girl. They browsed for a while then came up to the counter with a double-ended dildo thicker than my arm. It was expensive, too. I remember the guy looked really excited my be making the purchase while the woman… not so much. when the day shift guy who had worked there for years came in, he took one look around the store and said, ‘Holy crap. You sold the behemoth?
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25. An unusual death…
I wasn’t a store employee, but worked for the coroner’s office. Guy had a heart attack in the personal arcade (jack-off booth) and died. We did the removal of his body and all I could think about is how to notify the family with a professional demeanour.
I used to work in an adult store during my early college years, at the time I was still living at home and parents thought I was working in a shoe store. Well, one day I was working the door checking IDs of people who came in when who of all people but MY PARENTS walk through the door. I had to check their IDs too. What’s funny is that they were divorced when this happened but I was too mortified to ask them what they were doing shopping there together. Dad made me quit, oh the hypocrisy.
27. I regret nothing.
On my first day, I watched a young dude return a used metal cock cage because the urethral sound didn’t fit in the cage properly, and made him bleed. My coworker then slapped gloves on, and started trying to reassemble it to troubleshoot.
A couple once left their young children in a car alone to come shop. One of the toddlers ran into the store (which is illegal: no minors on the premises), yelling for his daddy. They were asked to escort their child out.
I’ve also had customers offer me drugs on the job.
I regret nothing about getting into this field.
28. Good for him.
I know a guy that worked in an adult store over 20 years ago. He was shot point blank with a shotgun during an armed robbery. Luckily for him, none of the pellets penetrated his skull. The surgeons got most of it out but he still has a few pellets in his scalp. This horrific experience was a catalyst for him getting clean from heroin and going back to school. He has a Ph.D. in microbiology now.
I worked as a book mender in a university library, not an adult store, but we did have a generous selection of books on Photography and many of them featured nudes. I regularly received books that had to be repaired (replaced) because the pages were all stuck together with cum. The thing is – the books had not been checked out. Dudes were either fapping off in the stacks or taking the books to the bathroom, ruining them, and then returning them to the shelves for others to enjoy. Definitely the grossest part of an otherwise interesting job.
30. Over the top.
Not me but a friend of mine used to work as a rent a cop.
Our local adult shop reopened in a new building, and had a grand opening type thing going on. They happened to bring in Ron Jeremy for the event.
At first it was just a little weird talking to him while there’s literally tvs behind him and there are money shots going on. Weird but didn’t phase him much.
The part that pushed him over the top was when two different women came into the store to fuck Ron Jeremy. One a 40 maybe 50 year old indigenous woman who looked like she lived on the streets, and the second one was a decent looking girl in her 20s.
It wasn’t the fact that they had sex with him but each time he came back from the “back room” he was eating an egg salad sandwich.
31. Flying dildos!
It was about 430am, I was tired.I tilted my chair back and rested my head on the shelves. I would just rest my eyes a bit. No, of course I wouldn’t sleep. There was no one in the store. Just when I started to drift off to dream land,I hear a loud BANG! My mind is trying to think of what could have made that huge noise.
I open my eyes to see every dildo in the store FLYING IN THE AIR! So, a pick up truck had slid through the intersection and slammed into the outside wall of the shop, the wall on which racks and racks of dildos. I have never been more befuddles than in the first seconds after I opened my eyes. That’s my favorite story. There are far many more gross ones.