You can’t choose your family member’s significant other. You have to hope they will make good decisions, but that isn’t always the case.
Here, parents recount the moment they realized “there is no way this person is dating my kid”.
1. Looking out for baby brother.
Not a parent, but an older brother. I’m about thirteen years older than my little brother, and after my parents died, I basically raised him.
He’s bisexual, and when he was sixteen, he started dating this really douchey guy who I got super bad vibes from. I didn’t know until after it was over, but he was very controlling and was constantly trying to pressure my brother into doing things he wasn’t really comfortable doing (sex, drinking, smoking, etc) and since I didn’t know this was happening, I just figured he would get over this creep and find someone decent later on. I didn’t have any evidence that the guy was bad, so I avoided conflict by letting it happen. Yeah, bad idea, obviously.
I immediately shut it down when my brother came home with a bruise on his cheek, apparently the jerk had hit him after my brother said no to having sex with him. There wasn’t an argument between us, he realized that his (ex, obviously) boyfriend was a total tool after that.
2. Sometimes, when you’ve done a good job parenting, your kids handle things fine themselves.
When he was 14 my son caught the attention of the only girl on his hockey team. They started hanging out a bit, and she would dye his hair strange colours, all harmless stuff. Then he found out she was also hanging out with some other guys, and got suspended from school for drug/alcohol abuse, so he backed away. Then she drunk-dialled him one night at midnight, telling him how much she missed him. He told her that this was not OK, and he liked hanging out with her, but not if she was going to be like that. I think her parents had also had enough of her antics, because she spent the following summer at a special “hockey” camp far away from home, and played on an all-girls team the next season.
So my son basically handled it himself, but there was NO WAY we were going to let it carry on if he hadn’t.
3. Glad it ended.
My son is 15 and recently had his first girlfriend. A couple of months ago, I was driving them home from school and asking about their day. The girlfriend started explaining that they were learning about the Holocaust in their WWII unit when this exchange took place:
Girlfriend: The holocaust was horrible! It should have never happened to the Jews; it should have happened to the Muslims instead.
Me: after a quick brake-check WHAT?!
Girlfriend: It should have happened to the Muslims instead.
Me: No. Something like the holocaust shouldn’t have happened to anyone at any time.
Girlfriend: I just don’t like Muslims.
Me: Have you ever met one?
Girlfriend: No, but I just don’t like them.
After dropping her off, I had a talk with my son about how the opinions of others should not influence our own.
Two days later he broke up with her….
4. Dad doesn’t always know best.
I was the guy that was never going to date someone’s daughter.
I started dating a girl in my late teens and it seemed to be going well. One day while hanging out at her house, her father came into the living room and started talking to her in French (they’re of French heritage, I’m not). I could see that the girl was getting upset answering back, then he got noticeable more angry and it escalated until finally she grabbed my hand, said “let’s go” and we went outside.
I asked what that was all about and she proceeded to tell me how her father didn’t want me in their house because he had heard stories about my father, the drunk that had multiple run-ins with the law, none of which were good. She tried defending me by saying that I was nice and she liked me to which he replied that he didn’t care what she thought because she needed to trust him, I was only going to hurt her and get her into trouble. Apples don’t fall far from the tree.
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to do. So I did nothing but be myself. I didn’t avoid him. I didn’t try to kiss his butt. I just went on as though I had never heard what was said while his daughter and I continued to date.
That was in 1997. His daughter and I got engaged and bought our first house together in 2001. We were married in 2003. We tried, unsuccessfully, for many emotional years to have children. We battled together successfully through my wife’s cancer between 2009-2010. We were blessed with our first daughter in 2013. We happily welcomed our second daughter just two months ago. We have no intentions of not growing old together.
There have been so many times over the last 15 years that my father-in-law has told me how happy he is to have me as a son-in-law and how thankful he is that his daughter is with someone that treats her so well and is always there for her.
I can’t imagine how our lives would been had my wife listened to her father.
5. “I just don’t know what she sees in him.”
Not a parent, but my little sister’s boyfriend is awful.
She just turned 20 but she was a teenager by the age of 6. Her hobbies are makeup, fashion and her hair. She takes hours to get ready to go out. She wears hair extensions every day. She works out. High maintenance is probably the word. Basically she’s all about her appearance.
Her boyfriend… is not. He wore sweatpants to Christmas dinner, and he ate so much he fell asleep at the table. I’m pretty sure he owns only 1 polo shirt, which is his idea of dressed up. He’s not intelligent. Together they are the hot wife/slob husband cliche you find in sitcoms. However, the worst part is he’s 6 years older than her and already has 2 children by 2 different mothers. Both of whom look very similar to my sister. I really don’t know what she sees in him but I hope she breaks it off soon…
6. If you see something, say something.
When my youngest sister was 15 she started dating a 20 year old skumbag. He dealt coke, drove drunk/stoned, got my sister pregnant three times (she always had abortions). And my parents just worried silently… never came down hard on her when she wouldn’t come for days, would cut class, would go visit him in hotels when his mother kicked him out, etc.
I’m 5 years older, so was at college when this all happening. But when I’d come home on weekends, I’d go looking for her and yell and make a fuss.
She, of course, hated me for years, and does not want me to tell her teen daughters about him.
She finally broke up with him when he totaled my dad’s car. It’s a wonder he didn’t die in that crash.
And DECADES later she tells me she still thinks she could have turned him around and bears him no ill will.
I’m a parent of teens now. Thankfully I don’t see my kids going down that road. But I will NOT sit idly by, waiting for some stupid teen to “finally see the light” if my kids make a wrong turn.
If you SEE something, SAY something…
7. The parent crossed the line BIG time.
Not me but someone I went to school with was dating the daughter of some local successful business owner while he was in college. It was apparent that the parents did not like him, but neither him or his girlfriend really gave a crap. And he wasn’t really scummy person, he was just a little awkward.
One day he’s leaving work, and as he gets into his car, this big dude grab the keys from him and closes the door.
The father gets in the passenger side of the car and the big dude gets in the backseat. The father was extremely calm, and had his check book with him. He wrote a check for $5000, and said for my friend to take the check, and never be seen with his daughter again, or even near the property or his businesses. My friend initially refused, but the father said the only other option was to not take the check and then his friend in the backseat would find other arrangements that would make him really wish that he had taken the check. They then left the car and gave him his keys back.
My friend was pretty shaken up by the experience, and held onto the check for a few days until he was able to talk to his girlfriend about the situation. She was furious, of course. They then cashed the check, and flew out to California and eloped. They were secretly married for 2 1/2 years before the parents found out. Sadly, the marriage did not last for other reasons, but last I heard, they are still good friends.
8. Parents are not always right. They’re just people after all.
Not a parent, but I on the receiving end of this kind of attitude for a while.
Early high school, I met a girl at my church youth group. We made eyes at each other and eventually developed some feelings for each other. When we would try to spend some time together outside of youth group, however, her mom would have a fit and do whatever she could to keep us apart. Her mother’s main reason to keep us apart was that I was a year older. I believed that at first, so I did my best to convince her that I was responsible and worthy to date her daughter.
She was having none of it.
The girl was grounded from everything and forbidden to go to the same church just so she wouldn’t see me. I thought maybe she just despised the idea of her daughter dating anybody until I heard her mom tried to set her up with one of the girl’s guy-friends for a school dance. For whatever reason she was determined to not let ME date her daughter. We found out later that her mom was probably just a controlling jerk. (Continued on next page)…
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A couple years and countless secret exchanges and meetings later, she was finally turning 18. By then, our relationship was very healthy and fairly serious. As soon as she was legally able, she moved out of her mother’s house to gain independence and to allow us to be together. We spent as much time together as possible given that I was in college in a different city. Everything was great for a while until she got into some rough stuff with her new-found freedom. She got really deep into the party scene and did a whole myriad of drugs. I still held on, though, until she cheated on me a couple months ago.
It’s pretty ironic that I was the one that was the “unfit” one.
9. Sometimes you just have to trust your children.
I allowed my daughter to date the questionable young man. In my home. In the living room. Under my direct supervision. I figured that if I had forbidden it, she might resort to sneaking and lying. Turns out I was just judging a book by its cover because he was actually a nice young man.
10. Opposite situation.
Opposite side of this situation.
Was a 21 year old male, met a fun girl at work. We had a large group that would go to the local pub/bar on Fridays – so one day I invited her to go with us all, not realizing she was 20 and therefore illegal in the US.
She goes, we have fun. The next week I ask her out for a traditional date of dinner and a movie. Unbeknownst to me her jerk ex-boyfriend thinks I have stolen her away and tempted her with the evils of booze. He calls her parents and tells them I’m smuggling her into bars.
I show up to pick her up (story continued on the next page…).
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The dad dragged me into the garage and told me if I “contaminated” his baby girl, he’d literally “Hunt me down and kill me”.
I didn’t want to offend this dinosaur, as a black belt, so I just looked him in the eye and said, ” I respect your daughter because she deserves it, not because you want me to.”
That seemed to placate him and off we went to our date. The drama level was so high I never went back and told her at work, that life was too short.
11. Prejudice parent.
It is dumb my mother gave my sister crap just because he was Jewish. She said non Christians are only going after her for sex. She treated him so poorly and my sister was too scared of her to stand up for herself leading to their break up.
12. Just being a good friend.
Not a parent here, but I forbid my female friends to date my prick co-worker. He brags about cheating on girls and I know he’ll treat them like an object. He’s even gone so far as to talk crap about another girl’s boyfriend just to try and get them to break up.
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13. Warmed up to him.
Wife and I got married in college. We were married for two years before her family knew (family is in Singapore, and the parents speak no English). I’m absolutely sure that when I stepped off the plane, my in laws wanted me to disappear forever. They treated me politely but were initially very cold. Now, the family loves me. Hell, my sister in law had me MC her very large wedding.
14. Safety first.
My dad made my brother stop seeing his girlfriend because her house got shot up and her car blown up. She was a super sweet girl with a really nice family. We never found out if they were attacked randomly, or if they were somehow gang affiliated. Dad was afraid my brother would be caught up in whatever happened.
I think it was probably a good idea to break them up, but every one was sad it happened.
15. A bad influence.
My daughters boyfriend convinced her to sneak out of our house in the middle of night. Then cut work. Then cut school. Then drop out of high school and run away.
Eventually she left that SO. Found a new person and got married in a month. Now mostly she sits around collecting food stamps and smoking weed.
My daughter’s life is ruined.
16. Don’t mess with the homebrew.
This guy my daughter was seeing stole, and then lied when presented solid evidence of his theft. Yes, I can see my beer in your truck. No, there’s no way that you also happen to drink my coworkers homebrew.
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17. Don’t insult someone’s mother.
When my son was 15 to 18 he dated a young woman who didn’t like me (single mom) and repeatedly tried to get him to disobey and disrespect me. Honestly, I never did anything to her, but she never let up. I would say to young people, Never get serious with someone who encourages you to hate your family, unless of course there relationship is toxic or harmful to that person.
18. Stealing from your partner’s parents is never a good idea.
My kids partner tried to steal my car, dog, and VCR at about three in the morning. When i caught him about to pull out of the driveway, his excuse was:
“I have to run to my place really quick to grab a bite to eat. Would you like anything?”
When I asked about Sasha[my dog], and my VCR, he said he was worried someone would steal them while he was gone, so he was bringing them with him to keep them safe…
My little girl dumped him, and I let him keep the VCR…
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19. “I’m kind of glad that decision was made.”
I was the kid they didn’t let her date. She was rich, I was poor, I was depressed, she was happy, she never smoked a cigarette, I became a heroin addict, and you know the rest of the story.
In the end, I’m kind of glad that decision was made.
20. They grow up so fast!
Everyone thought it was soooooo cute that this little 6 year old monster had a crush on my 5 year old girl. He would write her “love notes” and such.
When I met the kid, he had his shirt on inside out and backwards and he was chewing on his collar.
No way this kid is dating my daughter. Boy can’t even dress himself and he thinks his clothes are a chew toy.
Over my dead body.