It’s a topic we’d all rather not discuss with our parents. But sometimes, that’s a choice we don’t get to make.
This piece is based on AskReddit threads. Links on the last page.
1. Your present isn’t the only thing that needs to be wrapped.
On my 14th Birthday Id had a girlfriend for close to four months. We were as serious as kids our age could be.
So Im opening presents in front of the few friends I had over and I come to a medium sized box. I shake it. Cant figure it out. So I tear it open and find an economy box of condoms. Everyone there, dad, sisters, girlfriend, friends, friends’ parents. Everyone was speechless.
My mom casually says: Im not ready to be a grandma. Happy birthday, son. I guess she figured out what was going on when we were alone in my room.
2. Kids having kids.
My eldest He had stashed his used condoms in a McDonalds cup in his closet, still filled with Coke. I found out by removing the lid to dump it out.
Second child She asked permission.
Children 3-5, still waiting 16-14 in age, prime time for this activity.
It is always hard to take, your little boy or girl growing up when your mental picture is the six-year-old version of them. But I am mostly over it now.
3. Check my other box.
I overheard my mom helping my sister fill out a medical checklist for something. Mom was holding the pen and filling out the answers while reading them out loud. She was rushing it because she was bored. Paraphrasing:
“Do you have any blood diseases? No.” checks a box
“Are you allergic to any common foods? No.” checks a box
“Are you sexually active?”
My mom quickly answered the question herself, as she had before: “No.”
My sister quickly interrupts with an awkward but resolute, “Um. Yes.”
4. Cool mom.
My daughter told me when we were looking into birth control options for her. I was a little wistful for her innocent childhood days, but shes handling it really responsibly and shes in love, so what can you do? She was 18 at the time, if that makes a difference.
Its a little odd that shell tell me anything (I would NEVER have told my mom!!) but it makes me proud that I am the kind of mom you can tell anything to.
My mom found out one day when she called the house looking for me. My brother, instead of knocking on my door, just barged into my room and found me in my girlfriend at the time. He went hold on a second hes having sex and left the phone on the floor.
He was 3 years younger too, and most definitely a virgin. The nonchalant way he said it was frightening.
6. Dad is ruthless.
Reminds me when I was around 17 and had a girl over for the weekend. My father was really cool about us and having the opposite sex over so when he saw us exiting my bedroom my father while standing in the kitchen asked us if we were hungry.
We both agreed that we were and he offed to make some kosher hot dogs. She said something along the lines of “Oh, I have never had kosher before.” He ruffled my hair and replied, “Oh yes you have.”
7. Happy camper.
Went camping for the weekend, leaving my son (17 at the time) at home alone.
When we returned, he waited until his mom was inside the house and said, “Dad. I had sex this weekend.” I took a deep breath and asked, “Did you use protection?” He answered yes, and we talked a bit about the circumstances. After all was talked about, he asked, “Dad. One more question. Will it last longer?” I tried to not laugh.
8. Tough to explain that one…
My mother found out I wasnt a virgin anymore when she found the strap-on that I had accidentally left in the bathroom
Background: Im a girl who is dating a girl!
9. Something rotten in the state of Denmark.
I will tell you guys the story of when my parents found out I was no longer a virgin.
So as an 18 year old guy I had a girlfriend I met in high school. And we were together for quite some time. My parents are quite laid back and we speak freely to each other.
In Denmark, where I live, it is quite normal for teenage couples to sleep over at your partners house. So I did that with my then girlfriend a lot. We slept at each others places maybe 3-5 days a week. But one episode stands out, as to when my parents found out.
I had my girlfriend over and we were going to my bedroom in the basement. I had a squeaky bed. So the next morning at breakfast my dad just blurted out: “Damn son we gotta tighten your bedpost.” Embarrassing. but funny in retrospect.
10. Easy A.
My son nailed the hottest girl in his class. I got him a steak dinner and a trip to an amusement park.
11. I want to study all night, baby.
Had my first “serious” girlfriend at 15. We would go to the backroom of the house to study. But you can guess how much actual studying got done…
In reality we’d screw each others brains out, and then I’d spend 15 minutes doing her homework for her. (Hey, she made honor roll that semester!)
Anyway, it’s about dinner time and we head out to the kitchen to discuss ordering a pizza with my parents. My dad is discussing toppings and mentions onions. Girlfriend says, “Eww. I don’t like onions. They give you bad breath.” My father, not missing a beat, says, “Well that doesn’t bother me. But then I’m not the one screwing around in the back room.”
I started laughing but I thought my girlfriend was going to die of embarrassment.
12. Sink the relation ship!
I told a doctor I was sexually active, and he called a therapist to tell my mom, who then attempted to press charges against my boyfriend. (!) It was not a good time.
13. You can’t lose what you misplaced.
My parents assumed I was having sex long before I actually had sex, because I had a boyfriend quite a bit older than me and we spent a lot of time unsupervised. I got lectures about what a pervert I was for like 4 straight years while I wasnt even getting action. When I actually slept with someone, my sexual active-ness was old news I guess. I actually told my parents and they just laughed.
14. You’ve got voicemail.
After my family and I relocated, my parents found out I was having sex when my girlfriends mother left a voicemail threatening to sue me for “hooking up with a minor.” We were both the same age and it was certainly consensual. It was super awkward, but my parents were actually pretty cool about it.
15. The Jimmy Johns giveaway.
Her parents came home 4 hours earlier than expected THE DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING and though I hid, we had ordered Jimmy Johns and her parents got very suspicious as to why there were two sandwiches. This led to her angry British father conducting a room-by-room search of the house.
Thankfully I was wearing pants when he found me in their linen closet.
Their parents told us “you guys are stupid but we love you both”, but they still called my parents. I wasnt allowed to see her for a month. I’m just glad I didnt die. Her dad likes to hunt… A lot.
16. Sex drive.
My son called me before it happened to ask for emergency condoms. I never drove so fast in my life!
My daughter asked to get on birth control as she was thinking about sex. I made the doctor appointment the next day. She decided not to have sex yet but she has the pills available when she is ready.
I dont freak out. My son is 16 and daughter is almost 14. Because it isnt taboo they are making good decisions in regards to sex.
17. Mommy has been very bad.
When I was in high school, I told my mom I was going to stay a virgin until I was married. She did a little snort laugh & said, “Yeah, sure, honey.”
When I lost it in college & called her, she said, “I told you so, sweetheart.”
18. Tacos or hot dogs?
My two daughters were arguing over whether it was more fun having a girlfriend or a boyfriend at the table in a restaurant. I wanted to move to a different table by myself. And order a few more drinks.
19. Shaming is never a good tactic.
My mum refused to acknowledge me for three days and was venomous about the topic forever after.
Now I’m humiliated about sex, periods and relationships and my mum wonders why I feel uncomfortable when she asks me when I’m going to have a baby.
Don’t be like my mum. Talk to your kids about it and acknowledge sex happens. And don’t pester for babies later on.
20. The dog did it.
This is how my mom found out my girlfriend was not a virgin anymore. Apparently the dog went into the bathroom and fished a condom out of the trash. Ended up in the hallway or something. My Mom finds it and approaches me. After confirming that it was mine she hits me with this line: “I thought [girlfriend] was a virgin!?” My response: “She was…”
21. Sprung cleaning.
I found out while I was cleaning his room after he went to college in the fall last year. I had been asking him to clean his room for 10 years and now eminent domain applies.
Threw away notebooks from middle school, so much trash… When I moved his bed I started finding condom wrappers and a few used condoms. My wife was super distraught, but I thought it was hysterical.
22. Public privates.
Not a parent, but I remember when my mom found out about me losing my virginity. A ”friend” of mine told her (she was/is good friends with his mother). Her reaction was to cry hysterically, she called my brother to comfort her and cried in his arms and I overheard her telling a few of her friends (which made me very mad. What happened to my privacy?)
That all happened about 6 years ago and now she’s very chill about it. But damn did she make me feel like shit, I never expected such a reaction from her.
23. Tough pill to swallow.
Big sis mentioned at the dinner table, super-casually, that she was on the pill now. My dad called her disgusting. They still dont talk.
24. Backseat truckin’.
My Dad found out when he used my truck to go fishing and found condom wrappers on the seat. My mom found out when she walked in on me doing it because she doesn’t know how to knock and goes straight to popping the door lock with a pin if it doesn’t open.
25. Literally sleeping together.
I was pretty sure things were gonna happen when my son asked if his friend could spend the night while I worked night shift. His friend was a girl. They were 15 or 16, not sure what age. They were sleeping in a pile on the couch (clothed) when I came from work, I didn’t disturb them, I just went to bed. When I woke up later they were still sleeping but now on opposite sides of the couch.
It was actually kind of adorable.
26. Good luck explaining that one…
Well, my boyfriends mom just saw us lying in bed. No blankets. On each other. Naked.
She backed out pretty quickly.
27. Living in sin.
I once brought my then-girlfriend home and introduced her to my mom. She got super angry that I was having sex out of wedlock. Me and girlfriend were 30 years old! This was the reason that this was one and only girlfriend that my parents laid eyes on.
28. Sometimes honesty works.
My boys were very open about it. My oldest decided to wait until both he and his girlfriend were 18. My younger son did not, but told me he had sex (at 17). They were both responsible enough to buy their own condoms, so I didn’t really have any issues with it.
29. Ew, please don’t teach me.
My son came to me one night and asked me what I thought about it after having slept with is first girlfriend. As shocked as I was, I will always be grateful for that moment. We had a long conversation on what it really means to be a gentleman, kind and responsible to the other person and their feelings. Much better talk than when I handed him some condoms two years prior and asked “do you know how to use them? I can teach you. His reply: You’re creeping me out dad!”
30. Fully loaded.
When I was in my freshman year of college, my long time girlfriend and I were regularly having sex. Well I tried my best to hide it from my dad and usually hid the condoms away where he would never find them. However, one time I left one of the foil wrappers in a pair of shorts and threw them in the washing machine.
Well my dad decided he was going to be nice and fold the load (no pun intended) and that’s when he discovered it. When I picked up my load of clothes he acted cool until I was about to leave and says, “Oh and glad I passed you my good genes” and handed me the wrapper. It was one of the most unusual experiences of my life.
31. Cruisin’ for a bruisin’.
I got out of the shower and put on a towel (female). My mom asked me what happened to my back to get bruised like that. I ended up saying “Well Mom…you can do it, but it’s really difficult to have sex in a hot tub.”
Her response was, “OK. Let’s get you on birth control.”
Best mom ever.
32. That’s my boy.
Not a parent, but I “lost” my virginity last Memorial Day when I got stuck in Houston when we got like a foot of rain. The only way to reasonably get out of trouble (I was visiting my girlfriend, skipped work without telling my parents), was to tell my dad I was having sex. That’s the first time he said he’s proud of me.
33. Can I have a penis AND be in denial?
Mom: “I’d give you the sex talk but I know you haven’t had sex.”
Me: “What are you talking about? I have a stable girlfriend.”
Mom: “But you’re a good Jewish boy. You can’t have had sex.”
Me: “Well one of us is in denial and one of us has a penis. I think we both know who is who.”